Monday, April 13, 2015


I can still smell the oysters and the beach.  Lanky, Derek, Phil, Karey, Brandon and Myself.

She came into my world.

This day, she's still in my world.

To be honest, she is the most important thing that keeps me going in this world.

The notes, cards, the writing on mirrors and windows don't measure up to what she actually means to me.  I can remember one time when she almost left.  I cried and begged.  Thank goodness, no high speed internet then. I'd be in trouble.

People, some people I should say are obsessed / were obsessed with the word "pussy whipped", I call it willing to do anything for the one you love.  Happens to be the wife.

Everyone knows the story of how we met.  So, we'll skip that.

All the times she took care of me when I was sick.  All the listening she did while I worked for THAT job which I HATED.  All the kidney stones.  All my sexual advances after long days, I still do that.  Old habits die hard.  The years of drinking, she made me realize was too much.

There was so much.  There is still so much she puts up with.  Now it's CrossFit and Cancer.

She listens to me as I endlessly talk about CrossFit. CrossFit this and that.

She has made Cancer her life just as much Cancer has made itself part of my life.

I picture her beating on that door as I filled the room with marijuana smoke.  I can still recall her and I walking along the beach and thinking we lost her nice sandals.

She has definitely lived the "for better for worse" vows we promised.

She has made me a better person.  She has made me a better parent.

I joke about her being a taxi during my treatments but damn, she really is.  I never told her how scared I was the first time they told me I had Cancer.  I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I would live or die.  Then the second time, a new tumor.  She jumps up and figures out what to do next.

I love her.  The podo days are still alive and well.  I love that ass.  I know that's bad and dirty but I love her ass.  She has clothes that make me say awwwwwee damn.  I still act like a 5yo and I can't tell if she hates that or pretends to hate that.

She hates my singing.  My dancing sucks too.  She likes that though.

I could write forever about her and I.  15 years of marriage on Wednesday April 15th and I love her more now than before.  15 years of love.

T, I love you so much.  Let's do another 15.




Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Then Along Comes A Woman

Bobby would.

Bobby did.

Bobby is.

Bobby will continue to.

Give me a hard time.

See yesterday just out of the blue my FAVORITE CrossFitter followed me on the twitter webs.  Me, little ol me.  I was excited.  I really don't have much to offer except for brain cancer, radiation and chemo jokes.  My charms and good looks don't get a lot in return so, we just call that one even.

But, she followed.  Not for my CrossFit skills.

She followed.

LiftLikeLindsey - Lindsey Valenzula followed ME on twitter.  I didn't know if the radiation had gotten to me or if she was having burpee flashes.

I said "must be a mistake"  El O Eling.

That's when I woke up to the first tweet from Bobby.

She did realize it.  Damn you Bobby.

Then saying "Now I just feel awful - Ok I'm over it"

I was like my dreams are smashed and you're poking fun.  I see. 

I'm glad that people like Bobby have become part of my life.  To help me not take things like this so seriously, I might had cried.

For more than a day.

Come back Lindsey, come back.




Monday, April 6, 2015

Power in Attitude

I feel for all the people at Md Anderson that are getting treated.

I see kids to adults, good spirits to bad.  It's almost funny how a persons frame of mind mirrors how they feel about things and places.  I was in a bad environment for so long when I had my tumor last year, I called the radiation center the "Basement of Doom"

Now I call the radiation center "Basement of Happiness".

I wonder how any of these people work, or how the kids go to school.

It's all in the attitude.

Met a kid the other day at radiation and can not remember his name for the life of me, get for the life of me.  Think it was Danny.  This kid has the greatest attitude.  Wears his shades and is always smiling.  Is he hiding pain behind those glasses?  Maybe, but I bet he is stronger than I.

I had to thank him one day for being so positive.  he said "Thank You" to me.

I said no, Thank You.

Crush it Danny!!!!!!!!




Thursday, April 2, 2015


I could probably list on both hands the people from my past that I have no issues in seeing.

Last night we saw one, met his wife and their two kids.  Wasn't at all what I expected.  I expected good and we were introduced to great!

Eric and his wife Jessica along with the two kids of course came over to our prestine rental house.  I have not seen him in 15 years.  Never met his wife or their kids.

I was so shocked.  Eric had not changed a bit.  Jessica hadn't changed either. I mean, she got better while she was here if that counts. She was awesome.  The girls were great.  My kids have already asked about them.  We talked about old times which can be a damper depending on who you ask, or talk to.  Shared stories of druken nights, times of being high, antics that were had, and fun times all around.  But last night it was fun.

It was like no time was lost.  Eric and Jessica loved my great skin and shaved legs.  Eric kept calling me "Nancyboy" so I'm not sure if he hurt his head or not.  We spoke of April Fools Jokes which T hates  loves.

T and I laughed.  Laughed a lot.  It was nice.  We kept them up past their bedtime and I felt bad for that, really but I'm glad they came over.

We sure did #hashtag the hell out of everything last night.  We facebooked and twittered the night away.



Monday, March 30, 2015

March Does Suck

March is a shitty month.  I take that back, kind of.  C2 has a birthday and turned 10 this year.  Today as a matter of fact.  I only spent part of the day with him, but saw him open gifts and eat cake.  Tomorrow is T's birthday, so that's good and I love that day for her.  Even though she hates a big deal to be made over her.  So the fact that I have two loved ones with birthday's back to back is great.

I found out last March that I had Brain Cancer.  So that made March suck.

As I was fighting Cancer and in "remission" I had some side effects one day and they started to get worse.  I was called in for a mri and some tests.

"Your tumor has come back"  I was not prepared for that.  I wasn't.  I cried more in that 10 minutes than I did the entire time of the first "You have Brain Cancer" announcement.

This time it's on my Brain Stem.  A place they can't operate.  "Inoperable" is now what I have.  I have an inoperable brain tumor.  Fucking great.  What do I do know?

Another March, another tumor.

March sucks.

Sorry C2, sorry T.

March sucks ass.

Except for the 30th and the 31st.

Every other day in March sucks.



Thursday, March 26, 2015

Couple Things. Actually just a couple.

Ok. Some weird crazy shit happens in Houston.

Apparently these are optional in Houston.  Just ask T.

And in case you are wondering (and I know you are not), the WORLDS worst Wal-Mart is here in Houston.  They don't even sell milk.  They do sell ice cream products, but no ice cream.

What the Hell



Wednesday, March 25, 2015

What will they think of this

When I was younger I thought it would be cool to look back on all the experiences I had.  Walking in the Pentagon where my parents worked.  Living in Germany and traveling to all the different places that other some other kids might not get to do.

Now I think about stuff my kids have done that maybe some other kids haven't done.  Since we homeschool, our kids have had the chance to spend a lot of time at hospitals.  Not a glamorous lifestyle.  I don't like doing it myself to be honest.

In Georgia with my first treatment of Cancer they went to my appointments.  They met the oncologist, the radiologists and made several trips to drop me at the "Basement of Doom" as I called it.  They even got to meet Atlanta Falcons players one time.  

Now as we got more news of another tumor, we had to rent a house in Houston.  We are going to Md Anderson daily.  The kids are going with us.  Doctor meetings, Radiologists meetings, the kids are spending a ton of time in the Hospital.  

When they are older are they going to look back and remember that as an experience?

Are they going to think of it as something they got to do that other kids might not have?

I wonder the effect all of this has on the kids.  I wonder if they think about it as much as I do?  

Guess we will know if any of them become doctors of some kind or if they hate hospitals when they are older. 

Bet they would love daily trips to Disney more. 


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