Monday, March 30, 2015

March Does Suck

March is a shitty month.  I take that back, kind of.  C2 has a birthday and turned 10 this year.  Today as a matter of fact.  I only spent part of the day with him, but saw him open gifts and eat cake.  Tomorrow is T's birthday, so that's good and I love that day for her.  Even though she hates a big deal to be made over her.  So the fact that I have two loved ones with birthday's back to back is great.

I found out last March that I had Brain Cancer.  So that made March suck.

As I was fighting Cancer and in "remission" I had some side effects one day and they started to get worse.  I was called in for a mri and some tests.

"Your tumor has come back"  I was not prepared for that.  I wasn't.  I cried more in that 10 minutes than I did the entire time of the first "You have Brain Cancer" announcement.

This time it's on my Brain Stem.  A place they can't operate.  "Inoperable" is now what I have.  I have an inoperable brain tumor.  Fucking great.  What do I do know?

Another March, another tumor.

March sucks.

Sorry C2, sorry T.

March sucks ass.

Except for the 30th and the 31st.

Every other day in March sucks.



Thursday, March 26, 2015

Couple Things. Actually just a couple.

Ok. Some weird crazy shit happens in Houston.

Apparently these are optional in Houston.  Just ask T.

And in case you are wondering (and I know you are not), the WORLDS worst Wal-Mart is here in Houston.  They don't even sell milk.  They do sell ice cream products, but no ice cream.

What the Hell



Wednesday, March 25, 2015

What will they think of this

When I was younger I thought it would be cool to look back on all the experiences I had.  Walking in the Pentagon where my parents worked.  Living in Germany and traveling to all the different places that other some other kids might not get to do.

Now I think about stuff my kids have done that maybe some other kids haven't done.  Since we homeschool, our kids have had the chance to spend a lot of time at hospitals.  Not a glamorous lifestyle.  I don't like doing it myself to be honest.

In Georgia with my first treatment of Cancer they went to my appointments.  They met the oncologist, the radiologists and made several trips to drop me at the "Basement of Doom" as I called it.  They even got to meet Atlanta Falcons players one time.  

Now as we got more news of another tumor, we had to rent a house in Houston.  We are going to Md Anderson daily.  The kids are going with us.  Doctor meetings, Radiologists meetings, the kids are spending a ton of time in the Hospital.  

When they are older are they going to look back and remember that as an experience?

Are they going to think of it as something they got to do that other kids might not have?

I wonder the effect all of this has on the kids.  I wonder if they think about it as much as I do?  

Guess we will know if any of them become doctors of some kind or if they hate hospitals when they are older. 

Bet they would love daily trips to Disney more. 



Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Lesson from a road trip

We are at a famous rest gas stop in Texas and suddenly I'm told "I don't really care for sausage."

Wait, after all these years "You don't like sausage?" I asked

How could this woman NOW just tell me this.  Did she like "Buns" and just not want to tell me?

Would she let me choose her "Buns" if that is what she wanted?

I have good taste in "Buns", I could choose some really good ones.

This is the type of conversation that goes on during a road trip.  A lot happens from San Antonio to Houston.

She does indeed like "The Sausage" though.



Monday, March 23, 2015

Positive vs. Negative

It's all the same just different people.  Bloodwork, Mri's, doc's, walking around a hospital in circles.  Then they say it might be an infection not a tumor.  More tests need to be run.  Mri that takes hour and a half to two hours. What the hell.  That sucks.  Biopsy?  If someone had the balls to say "I can do the biopsy and not kill you" I'd chance it, maybe.  No one ever talks themselves up.  If I were a doc I'd be like "I'm the badest mutha fofo in this hospital!!!"  I'd admit to being such a badass I would have Taylor Swift in repeat followed by the Bee Gees.  I have to talk people into saying they're a badass.  Dr. Dunbar said she was a kickass oncologist.  Dr. McLaughlin knew those laser beams would know shrink that shit out.

It's all about attitude.  POSITIVE ATTITUDE. Even on my worst days no one can tell that I have anything other than a bad attitude other than T or the C's.  Today March 23 2015 I met a sweet lady named Audra in the blood work area.  Looking for a seat, I had one next to me and told her "I don't bite unless I'm paid"  She offered me some chap stick.  Mhhhh. No, like money but that's ok.  She was in from Louisiana but I didn't tell her how bad her state and Saints sucked ass.

Lisbeth Darsh said it's all in a mindset.  That's true in anything.  T says I'm walking and moving better today, but until I feel like I am, I believe I'm not.  I miss my ground support team that tells me I'm more inspiring that I feel i am.  Bobby, Todd are long time brothers that are family who are always there.  John and Christopher are brothers from another mother.

People from Hill Country CrossFit are family that have shown up from nowhere.  Without even mentioning people like Laura, Danny, Chris Bruce, Charlie Riddle and Ira, they have that POSITIVE ATTITUDE.  Guys like Eli, Stefan, and Russell who don't know me from dirt on the ground have jumped right in and been there with joyfulness.  Coach Aaron and Bryan have stepped in too.

Two of my new favorites are Dan M and Chandra M.  They are so caring and always go out of their way say hello.  And they are so nice to T, which wins me over.

Kenne talks like I'm some hero and I swear I'm not.  Tonia lights up like I'm Matthew McConaughey, and I'm and ugly big nosed dude.  They are great.

I'm surrounded by nothing but positive.  Cant lie in Ga, there was negative around.  That old job, my neighbor, selling the house, packing to move.  To me those were negatives.

Andrew Watson has opened my eyes to a world of kindness and caring. His family has.  If we haven't scared them off, we'll have them over to our house when its done.  Clays For Cara along with Justin Hobbs shows what its like to care for others.  That's where I'm heading, caring and working for others with

Caring and being positive go along way.  Everyone can learn from folks who go to Hill Country CrossFit.

For you Aunt B. Heard that vmail. lol  



Wednesday, March 18, 2015

WHY COMPLAIN? The World didn't run out of pizza

The World is full of complainers.

Coffee sucks.  Well then make your own.

This shirt doesn't fit.  Make it fit.  Lose weight or get Gainz.

Dinner is not ready.  Fix it faster.

People complain on who their sports team signs and resigns.  99% never played NFL football, ran an organization, or owned a team.

I have Brain Cancer.  Have for a year or so.  Now all of a sudden I have a Brain Stem Tumor. I'm back at Md Anderson for Radiation and Chemo for 6 weeks.  I'm doing Avastin Chemo every once in a while during my stay.  My Tumor is inoperable.  I've only complained about my side effects and symptoms.

You can complain, but does that make it any better?  You can bitch and moan, but will your situation or day be any better off?

You say your head hurts.  Do you ever think about those who have head issues?  Your back or your leg hurts, how about you not being able to walk?

Just think.  People bashing on Kroy Biermann prompted this quick post.  I don't care if he gets one or many sacks.  He could get zero and would still be there next to Matty Ice, Julio Jones as my favorite players.

Spill and direct your hate to something that is hateful like Cancer. Like Tumors. Like things that cause Cancer.

While you're at it go LEARN something on ( KB4BC). Where I'm directing all of my unused energy to Brain Tumor Research and making life better for those with Brain Cancer.

Hate if you want, direct it the right way.





Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Only part of this matters

So this morning I was in the shower and that feeling came over me that has not in a long time. I actually didn't fall YET, and my hands were off my junk.

I threw up.  A LOT.

Either meds, lunch, both but that was the first time.  T, being the awesome wife helped me out.  I was more upset that she had to clean that mess up and help me dry off than anything.  I cried.  That's been happening too much lately.

Last night was Avastin.  Lady couldn't find my veins said they were small.  Hmm. Told her the one that matters is bigger.  They were nice, that's what matters.

I did radiation yesterday and today.  They are cool.  Lady reminds me of my Aunt Belinda kind of.  They play the music I like.  "NO COUNTRY"  It's fast.  I'll have a new mask to add to the collection.  MD Anderson has a maze for the ra-docs department.

Can't lie.  I miss Hill Country CrossFit.  That's a fact but Pin-Up CrossFit owner let me borrow a Concept2 at the house we are renting for the time we are here.  Andrew Mitchell, cousin of my doctors Nurse Jennifer.

I will row my ass off so I can beat Jerry and Camilla. Gotta beat them.

Day 7 in a row of #Stillkickinthis shirt.

This post wasn't insightful or educational.  But some days I do that shit.  Write about nothing,

My most important education came for someone in the dm's of the twitterworld.

She's awesome and kicks ass.  She's hot and talented.  She's thoughtful and sincere.

She's my friend.



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