I'm not going to bullshit you.
This tumor that popped up in March on my brain stem, it's really starting to kick my ass.
Mentally and Physically.
Not only is it robbing me of my balance, the feeling in certain parts of my body but now PAIN.
Not the Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock kind of (Joy and) PAIN either.
Just imagine that cute girl in school that you crushed on forever, only to find out she was into your buddy.
My face hurts like hell. The throbbing comes and goes. From my eye to my teeth and my mouth.
Only until yesterday has it been bearable. At one point the pain in my nose got so bad I could of cried. It felt as if a bee were stinging me over and over (times a million).
That's the worst physical pain I feel. It's bad too.
Mentally, I've had a harder time then I let on with CrossFit. My balance affects my lifting. Even jump roping. Shit, I have to learn how to jump rope again. I can't run.
I still go. I love it. But I suck and I have had a harder time dealing with that then I thought.
So I hurt, and I lie. I tell everyone I'm fine.
I don't want anyone to ask, don't need anyone to talk to. Just leave me be to deal with my own stupid personal shit.
Saturday, June 6, 2015
I'm not going to bullshit you.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Not in the Victoria Secret kind of way, but...oh never mind. I won't go there.
Months ago we learned of Nora and Aaron, and it sucks for her more than me to know he had the same kind of tumor. If you read the blog, you will learn what type of people both of them were. Breaks my heart to say WERE. Aaron had another wife, which I would have married Katy Perry, but who am I to question what choices he made.
When we were introduced via the web I was still in remission from my first tumor. I would admire from afar and recognize how awesome Nora was. For some reason I was given the chance to be the home to a new tumor on my brain stem. New circumstances, new things to overcome but it's #BetterThanDying!
Somehow Nora found us. She befriended us. It was like a hero joined us. Funny tweets, messages that made me smile, it seemed unreal. T got me the green "Still Kickin" shirt. It went on a run of 10 days through Md Anderson and I didn't care how it smelled. All of a sudden the Grey one showed up. I guess T got tired of me wearing the same shirt every day.
Nora has mentioned us in a blog post of hers. Which gets millions of readers. She just recently brought back the "Still Kickin" shirt and has the proceeds coming to us. What?!?! I'm wondering if there is an end to her kindness? Is she a wolf in sheep's clothes? I keep waiting for her to snatch the rug from under us, but she just keeps putting the pepperoni on the pizza. It gets better. She gets nicer and better!
Bring in Athena. Queen of Fancy Writing she is. If you go check her shit out you'll see what I mean. I found her from stuff Nora had posted. I was drawn to the kick ass handwriting style and the endless positive messages. One day she asked for people to send her their address for letters. She said she had something to send me anyways. It was "perfect timing". Ive been trying to pay it forward with the kindness and thought a letter would be great to pass on. Got a letter from Athena. Still don't know what it says, but it awaits the perfect person. I also opened a special gift from The Goddess of Wisdom. A great shirt that reads "It's Going To Be Okay", and it will. I tell T all the time since Cancer hit us, it's going to be ok.
Athena keeps telling me I'm a warrior, a difference maker and it's hard to think of myself like that but when someone tells you that, I guess I have to believe it. Keep doing good for others. Another thing is she also has great shirts on the website. She then gave me the story on the shirt and I was floored. Her kindness never ends. A special piece of paper was also with the shirt and the note. Thank you so much for that. She is like the ice cream with extra whip cream on top, it's better than you expected.
It's kind of crazy to think about meeting (on web) these two incredible women who have done so much, and all they have asked for in return is NOTHING.
Check out Nora's shirt, which now is available in white.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Usually our taste in music is kind of hit or miss. We either like the same songs or we don't.
I like everything but Country.
I'm listening to music right now. JT is on.
I was in radiation one day and they play what I like. They knew, NO COUNTRY. That was my only request. I heard only a bit of the song and all I could remember was "you got my heart racing", something like that. Enough to google and figure out what the song was.
I listened to it all and I liked it.
I don't know if T heard it or not? We had so much going on while in Houston, songs were probably the last thing on her mind. She took care of me, the C's, all my appointments and last but least herself. She deserves an award. Doing this two times in a year is incredible.
Every sentence has started with I. This either shows my lack of writing creativity or I am self centered in my thinking of how great T is.
Someone would like to think that songs and music can describe their marriage, life and love. That person is a sap. He loves his wife to no end.
Monday, April 13, 2015
I can still smell the oysters and the beach. Lanky, Derek, Phil, Karey, Brandon and Myself.
She came into my world.
This day, she's still in my world.
To be honest, she is the most important thing that keeps me going in this world.
The notes, cards, the writing on mirrors and windows don't measure up to what she actually means to me. I can remember one time when she almost left. I cried and begged. Thank goodness, no high speed internet then. I'd be in trouble.
People, some people I should say are obsessed / were obsessed with the word "pussy whipped", I call it willing to do anything for the one you love. Happens to be the wife.
Everyone knows the story of how we met. So, we'll skip that.
All the times she took care of me when I was sick. All the listening she did while I worked for THAT job which I HATED. All the kidney stones. All my sexual advances after long days, I still do that. Old habits die hard. The years of drinking, she made me realize was too much.
There was so much. There is still so much she puts up with. Now it's CrossFit and Cancer.
She listens to me as I endlessly talk about CrossFit. CrossFit this and that.
She has made Cancer her life just as much Cancer has made itself part of my life.
I picture her beating on that door as I filled the room with marijuana smoke. I can still recall her and I walking along the beach and thinking we lost her nice sandals.
She has definitely lived the "for better for worse" vows we promised.
She has made me a better person. She has made me a better parent.
I joke about her being a taxi during my treatments but damn, she really is. I never told her how scared I was the first time they told me I had Cancer. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I would live or die. Then the second time, a new tumor. She jumps up and figures out what to do next.
I love her. The podo days are still alive and well. I love that ass. I know that's bad and dirty but I love her ass. She has clothes that make me say awwwwwee damn. I still act like a 5yo and I can't tell if she hates that or pretends to hate that.
She hates my singing. My dancing sucks too. She likes that though.
I could write forever about her and I. 15 years of marriage on Wednesday April 15th and I love her more now than before. 15 years of love.
T, I love you so much. Let's do another 15.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Bobby will continue to.
Give me a hard time.
See yesterday just out of the blue my FAVORITE CrossFitter followed me on the twitter webs. Me, little ol me. I was excited. I really don't have much to offer except for brain cancer, radiation and chemo jokes. My charms and good looks don't get a lot in return so, we just call that one even.
But, she followed. Not for my CrossFit skills.
LiftLikeLindsey - Lindsey Valenzula followed ME on twitter. I didn't know if the radiation had gotten to me or if she was having burpee flashes.
I said "must be a mistake" El O Eling.
Monday, April 6, 2015
I feel for all the people at Md Anderson that are getting treated.
I see kids to adults, good spirits to bad. It's almost funny how a persons frame of mind mirrors how they feel about things and places. I was in a bad environment for so long when I had my tumor last year, I called the radiation center the "Basement of Doom"
Now I call the radiation center "Basement of Happiness".
I wonder how any of these people work, or how the kids go to school.
It's all in the attitude.
Met a kid the other day at radiation and can not remember his name for the life of me, get for the life of me. Think it was Danny. This kid has the greatest attitude. Wears his shades and is always smiling. Is he hiding pain behind those glasses? Maybe, but I bet he is stronger than I.
I had to thank him one day for being so positive. he said "Thank You" to me.
I said no, Thank You.
Crush it Danny!!!!!!!!
Thursday, April 2, 2015
I could probably list on both hands the people from my past that I have no issues in seeing.
Last night we saw one, met his wife and their two kids. Wasn't at all what I expected. I expected good and we were introduced to great!
Eric and his wife Jessica along with the two kids of course came over to our prestine rental house. I have not seen him in 15 years. Never met his wife or their kids.
I was so shocked. Eric had not changed a bit. Jessica hadn't changed either. I mean, she got better while she was here if that counts. She was awesome. The girls were great. My kids have already asked about them. We talked about old times which can be a damper depending on who you ask, or talk to. Shared stories of druken nights, times of being high, antics that were had, and fun times all around. But last night it was fun.
It was like no time was lost. Eric and Jessica loved my great skin and shaved legs. Eric kept calling me "Nancyboy" so I'm not sure if he hurt his head or not. We spoke of April Fools Jokes which T
T and I laughed. Laughed a lot. It was nice. We kept them up past their bedtime and I felt bad for that, really but I'm glad they came over.
We sure did #hashtag the hell out of everything last night. We facebooked and twittered the night away.