Monday, May 24, 2010

Im a Naked Hick that uses Naughty Words

So I am now a changed man.  This weekend I changed something about my life.  Something that I have done for as long as I can remember.  It all started Saturday when C2 came into our bedroom and looked at me and asked.............

"Why did you sleep naked last night?  Why do you always sleep naked?"

Ok, trying to hide the laugh, I wasn't sure how to answer him.  But these thoughts went through my mind...

"Im trying to cut down the laundry"  Nah

"My junk needs to breathe"  He wouldn't understand

"Im uncomfortable sleeping in clothes"  He wouldn't care

"Your mommy want's me to be ready at all times for the Pants Off Dance Off"  No, cant mess his head up, I am still not sure if he ever knew what was happening the night he walked in on us.

So I didn't say a word, but walked past him and looked at T with big eyes and laughed and told her what had happened and said to her

"Guess I am going to be sleeping with shorts on starting tonight!" 

Well, I made the change and so far so good. 

And being the awesome father that I am, I decided to give my kids another lesson this weekend.

T and I take pride in being good parents and not letting our kids learn and say things that they really don't need to be saying at their age.  Words like stupid, shut up, and other negative words just are not allowed in our house.  Our oldest is 6 yrs. old, do the kids really need to be saying things like that anyways? No. 

So what new words did I teach the kids this weekend?

Shit and Damn it?

Ahhhh yes, these two words.  I take one of them daily and the other is what Beavers might say to each other when they are needing to get some work done.

Damn it!  C2, must have heard me say this word, because now he says it when he does not get his way or he gets upset.  He has even tried to make his own words that sound like the word Damn it.  Sweet, now my kids can be like the other kids that say all of the ugly words.  Not what I want. Not what I want at all. 

Yesterday at the pool, I dropped my camera and the word SHIT came out of my mouth.  Nice.  Not so much.  C1 looked at me and with Mommy standing right there he asked me

"Daddy, why do you say SHIT all the time?"

Now in my head I am saying to myself  "Shit, damn it, fuck this shit"  My 6 year old has now repeated the word I just blurted out when mad.

T looking as beautiful as she always does has the look on her face of "NICE WORK DADDY."  And for the rest of the night, she always found the best moment to look at me with that "NICE WORK DADDY" look, and ask me "Yeah Daddy, why do you say shit all the time"

So C1 and C2 both came to me this weekend with questions that I was not able to answer.  "Why am I always naked" and "Why do I always say shit" ??

Well I also learned something about MYSELF this weekend.  T and I took the C's to the Atlanta Zoo this weekend for Members Night, we went into this little play area and they had a booth where you could do puppet shows.  T says to me "Go do a puppet show"  Ok, I am always up for trying to be fun for the kids and making an ass out of myself.  So I get up there and try to do a puppet show and it was not as easy as you might think.  C3's puppet kept attacking my puppet, those wild zoo puppets.

Well T says to me "You sound like a HICK"  And after further review of the video from the puppet show.....

I believe now that I do sound like a HICK.  OHHHHH NOOOOOOO. 

So, since I will try harder than ever to not use naughty words in my home, I will now go out of my way to use them on the blog.   I am also looking into voice lessons.



Nikki B. May 24, 2010 at 10:02 AM   Reply to

jack freaks if someone says 'shut up'...that's an awful word to him...but, he applauds when someone says "fuck." crazy kids!!!

yeah...the naked sleeping thing is a tough one. good luck with your shorts!!

Jennifer Johnston May 24, 2010 at 10:38 AM   Reply to

My oldest child who is the same age as C2 has learned to make bad words his own too. Since I have a loving husband who likes to cuss in front of our children. He turned "I am so fucking mad" that my husband says into "I'm soaking mad mom!" He has finally just recently stopped saying this. Thank goodness!

Helene May 24, 2010 at 11:09 AM   Reply to

My mom once told Bella that she should sleep without underwear on so she could "air herself out". WTF? Why would a child need to air themselves out? Anyway, my MIL was getting her dressed for bed one night when they were watching the kids and Bella told her "I don't wear underwear when I sleep because Nanny said my hoo-haw needs to be aired out". My MIL wasn't amused.

The cussing is endless here...Tim walks around here cussing like a sailor. The kids don't even get a rise out of it anymore since they hear it all the time. We bribe them with candy to make sure they don't repeat the words at school.

Our kids are gonna need SO much more therapy than yours ever will, trust me on that.

Anonymous,  May 24, 2010 at 4:33 PM   Reply to

So let's see, now you are a hick AND a hairy perve, gotta keep on top of it! My 3 yr old called the 5 yr old a pain in the ass...whoops...shut up and stupid are NOT allowed in this house either.

Unknown May 24, 2010 at 6:19 PM   Reply to

You just can't win with airing out comment. I told my grand-daughter off handedly, so my bottom can breathe; she asked "Gramma you can breathe through there?" ya you saw it coming. You sound fine...drop the voice lessons.
Seriously though there's a lot of family talk that just doesn't work in genpop. "Sidewards"; various nicknames (Do-do and Mousie come to mind);vaarious movie quotes. Doesn't every family talk in code?

Unknown May 26, 2010 at 2:33 PM   Reply to

2 of my kids are older (12 and 9) but I still don't like them to use words like shut up and stupid. My son came home saying Sugar Honey Ice Tea one day. Said he learned it from one of his friends. I told him not to be repeating the things that friend says. My husband curses like the words are going to go out of style, though so I think my kids are almost immune to them. Except for the little one. I did have to have my husband explain curse words in songs to our son. You know E-40's You and Dat? Yeah, my son was belting it out and Dad had to tell him that the "p" word was a bad word.

Kudos for deciding to attempt to wear shorts to bed. It's been almost 14 years and I still can't get Sean to wear anything to bed.

Oh, and you do sound like a hick, but I do too and that is why I will never post any videos!

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