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Monday, May 3, 2010

It is a good thing I can run faster than T

Cause she might have tried to kick my ass this weekend...................


Back to the drawing board.  This weekend I took all these past months of progress and threw them out the damn window.   For some reason I can not seem to get a handle on being patient with the kids.  No matter what I do or what happens I just fall back into the same trap and lose my mind when it comes to certain things.  These are issues that I have with myself.  Not T, not the kids, not the damn dog or cat.  Just MYSELF.

Saturday T and C4 went out for most of the day so she could do something she has not done in years, yes seriously years.  She went to the mall to go shopping without the kids.  Well C4 went but he kind of has to, I have no boobs that squirt milk.  So C1, C2, C3 and I stayed home and played and did yard work and had fun.  We rode bikes and scooters and stepped on bugs and did all kinds of shit.  I cut down every bush in our front yard, We (the kids and I) got alot done.

I know T had a great time Saturday, went to eat lunch with her mom,  bought herself and the kids some clothes and the fun ended when she got home.

I got so irritated when she came home and I have no idea why.  I had a good day, stuff got done, she had fun, dinner was cooking and all of a sudden I started acting like a asshole.  I hadn't lost patience with the kids all day and now I was ill and short fused.  Talking shit to T and trying to get the last word in.  And the same happened on Sunday.  I dont know what the problem was. I just had no patience.

The kids were being kids and T was busy and had stuff to do, I was doing stuff but something kept snapping inside and I would talk shit to T and talk to the kids like I was their boss and not their dad.  Noting big either, just stupid shit, stuff that wasn't harming anyone or anything, doing just normal kid things.  I just could not keep my composure and handle things the way I had been. 

This was actually the first weekend that T and I, well just Me, started shit.  This went on at different times of the evening Saturday and then Sunday.  She would just look at me and say "Go find your Patience" or "Calm Down".  She was right.  I just needed to take a moment and breathe and figure out that nothing that was going on was that big of a deal and I didn't need to get so worked up over.

So what I worked on for so long is now ground back down to sand and I need to build it back up.  Time for a brain enima to clean it all out.  Close my eyes and breathe and realize that I have children, and children do children things and I need to get over the small, simple shit that they do.  I need to remember that T is home all day with the 4 C's and it will benefit all of us if I follow her game plan and not disrupt it.

The even bigger problem is that we cannot fall into the trap of being ugly to each other and saying stuff and acting ugly to each other in front of the kids.  If T and I act ugly to each other, then how can we teach the kids not to act ugly towards others.
So she was probably thinking Saturday night,  "This is why I don't ever fucking go anywhere!!" but I will redeem myself.  I will get my shit back in order.

I guess  part of it was that it had been so long since I was an asshole to her and it wasn't worth it.  It never is. 

Well we are going to have a good week.  I am going to have a good week

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9 comments:

dj kosmotronix May 3, 2010 at 7:23 PM   Reply to

Hey T-dad,

Sorry you had a bad day. I am glad you can be honest and not blame the Fam.


ps I understand a wicked storm is blowing toward GA; hope it misses ya.

-ML

Nikki B. May 3, 2010 at 9:25 PM   Reply to

sorry, scott! it's the ebb and flow of marriage, it's the ebb and flow of a parent's patience. good days and bad days...hell, good weeks and bad months. don't be too hard on yourself. i hope T's not being too hard on you either.

Tracy May 3, 2010 at 10:06 PM   Reply to

Nikki I am seriously about to kick his ass and send him to Dr Phil.

-kidding on the Dr Phil part.

passion4pink May 4, 2010 at 4:55 AM   Reply to

Hey , don't be too hard on yourself we are all allowed our bad days. Great, that you can admit to having a 'bad day'& hopefully you resurrected the day with lots of hugs & kisses.

Eric May 4, 2010 at 7:32 AM   Reply to

There are times when I have the four kids when the wife goes out for a while too. I have no problem watching my kids like you. I think I just get frustrated because I tend to get more done than she can and I don't know why.

Also, I know that she gives me crap if I try to leave without the kids and she gives me crap if I say she should take some kids.

0007 May 4, 2010 at 2:43 PM   Reply to

Maybe its that your subconscious knew that she had spent money at a MALL! Maybe that's what tipped you off...Avoid malls like the plague. Unless its just to make a list of what you can go home and buy online for a severely discounted cost. U know that already...

Lolidots May 4, 2010 at 4:34 PM   Reply to

I totally agree with Nikki. Natural ebb and flow of things. None of us are perfect but, being able to recognize the behaviors that make us difficult to be around is a big thing! Seems to me that you are an amazing dad and T loves you enough to put up with the pissy days! We all have those days!

Debbie(single;complicated) May 4, 2010 at 9:07 PM   Reply to

I think its HUGE that you see it and know that its not working!!! that means you will be fine!!:)

Helene May 4, 2010 at 10:42 PM   Reply to

Dude, so you lost your cool...we all do it. But the big thing here is that you admit it and you're moving forward. Not a lot of men would do that. Seriously. Some would just continue acting like total douche bags, even though they know there's no good reason for it.

So I applaude you for that. We women like when our men take responsibility for their actions...it says a lot about your character.

Even though you say you acted like an asshole, your kids are learning a valuable lesson in how to rectify a negative situation.

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