Tuesday, May 18, 2010

You will be smarter if you listen to me.....maybe

Shit, look out.  Is This Daddys blog turning into a serious blog?  Nope, I am just on a roll today and got some things on my mind. And yeah don't get me started on the Breatfeeding in public story they did on "What would you do" Friday night.  That shit is coming tomorrow.  Oh and also I plan on doing a post about the dumbass people that want to leave negative comments on my blog but are too f-ing scared to leave a name. Anonymous. Get some balls.  But for now, I give you my expert advice on parenting...........

I can not stand Oprah, never have liked her, don't care to think that I ever will.  Just not my cup of tea.  But this morning on my hour long drive to work I hard a clip of Will Smith and Jada Smith talking about their family and their kids and their parenting style.  So I got to work and pulled some clips and video and watched and read some of what they had to say.

Isn't it great how every family has a parenting style that fits them?  Every family does things differently.  Some people do things that other families don't.  Some people parent the way that they wre raised, others just do what they think is ok, and some read books and try new ways and some combine it all.  I mean there are so many different styles of parenting.

Now, the parenting I am talking about is not the stuff like the breastfeeding and organic eating and religion and shit like that.  I am talking about the punishment and discipline styles of parenting.

T from the get go, has been the pro active parent.  There is a reason for everything she does and when the kids do something they are not suppose to do then they are given the reason why they shouldn't do that and then we handle it.  T has read all the books, well not all of them but alot of them.  Watched alot of shows, and studied alot of people.  She has taken many different forms of how to handle our children and made them work for us.  I on the other hand, try to follow them the best I can.  I am not at the house for most of the day, so it would be unfair of me to come home and try to change things up. 

This is from the Oprah show...............Another common question among parents is what punishment looks like in the Smith home. "That's one of the really difficult struggles because we don't exactly believe in punishment, per se. We believe in restriction, that you can have as much freedom as you can handle," Will says. "You can cut your hair. You can put stuff on your wall. And as soon as you do something that is detrimental to yourself, and when you can't be trusted with your freedom, then you have to be pulled back. But it's not about punishing you for what you did???it's about protecting you from the potential damage that you could do to yourself."

You know reading that and listening to them speak it, it kind of made sense.  I mean I dont know if this would work with children 6 and under like T and I have, but shit, I dont do a good job now, so what would trying something new hurt?  Maybe give C1 more freedom to do some things and see what happens.  Maybe let C2 have a little more space and see what he does.  Maybe let C3 do more for herself since she tries so hard anyways and see if she can handle it.  C4, shit..not yet, you have to wait.

T has gotten us some good reads on stuff like this.    Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants, the Nanny 911 and Super Nanny books, and some other parenting books she has I have looked at and they all have great ideas.  Reward charts, timeout spot, earning things and having things taken away.  These have worked for us.  Everything has its ups and downs and challanges. 

One thing we dont do is spank our kids.  Why would we? teach them a lesson?  I might be a dick to my kids or an asshole alot of times but I am not going to put my hands on my kids.  What does that tell the kids when you spank them.  I don't like what you did, so let me hit you.  Ok so when your kids have a brother or sister or a friend that does something they dont like, can they hit them?  Sure they can.  You hit your kid so why cant they hit someone.  Violence, it all comes down to violence.  Hitting is not ok.  Spanking is hitting.  If you do, good for you.  When your kid hits someone...don't get mad at them. 

Yelling and Screaming....Man I am guilty of this and this is my biggest mistake.  Why the fuck do I tell my C's not to yell and bark orders at Mommy and Me, but then turn around and yell at them to go do something?  Am I getting anything done there? NO.  This came to my mind last night as T and I watched "24" and Jack was screaming and yelling at President Logan.  Logan had a look on his face, like he just shit his pants.  I looked at T and said "Fuck, that is what the kids look like when I scream at them".  Not a good feeling.  Our kids are smart enough to where we can sit them down and explain something to them and get the point across.  Why do I need to yell?  I dont yell at their Mommy, Mommy doesnt yell at me.  No need for it.

Am I a dumbass for needing reminders from outside sources on how to treat my wife and kids?  Sometimes I think so, but you know maybe thats what those people and reminders are there for.  Maybe I am a reminder and a source for others on how to treat their wives and kids.  Who knows.

I could go on and on all day about this.  It just seemed all so simple when I heard that little bit from Will and Jada Smith on that one womans show.  Will I be the most awesome parent in the world from this day on?  Yes.  Because as long as I am trying and correcting my mistakes, my C's will see that it is ok to fail at something, just dont fail at everything.  It is ok to fall, just make sure you get up.  It is ok to cry, just make sure you can laugh afterwards too.

Will and Jada Pinkett Smith on Oprah


oh, and I am having a problem with my E button, so if some words are missing the letter E, sorry


Holly Renee May 18, 2010 at 1:22 PM   Reply to

I love that quote from the Smiths! I think giving them as much space as they can handle is great. I do not think you are a dumbass for needing reminders. We all need reminders, that's why they are there. I need constant reminders to be loving, and I try to work on it every day. At least you take those reminders to heart. I think you are working on yourself (as everyone should be), and that's what makes you a great dad.

Doug May 18, 2010 at 1:24 PM   Reply to

Having problms with your button? tim to gt a nw kyboard ... LOL!

Your last paragraph said it all. It's OK to fail at something ... It's OK to fall ... It's OK to cry ...

Remember that with your parenting style, too. Let yourself off the hook while you're letting them off the hook. They'll survive your anger if you temper it with love. They'll survive your loss of control if you show them you're sorry. Don't hold yourself to some ideal perfection while letting them be human ... you're human, too.

Good luck! Sorry about the laser comment (j/k ... I love your C tat ... just thought I'd claim credit and piss you off).

Tayarra May 18, 2010 at 1:26 PM   Reply to

You know I need reminders! Am I dumb for it? I don't think so. We all get caught up in things and off track and it is great that we have these constant little reminders to pull us back in. I really like this post.

Sorry you are getting negative comments though! I love the way you handle it.

0007 May 18, 2010 at 4:14 PM   Reply to

Look man, I'm not sure how much reading I can do here if we're going to talk about the stinkin' Dope-rah show. Forget about those Smiffs. You're 'blu-ish/white lifestyle is completely foreign to theirs. If it took Dope-rah to get you to realize that 'rule by the people, for the people' will always work out better for all than harsh tyranny. And cut yourself some slack. I HATE yelling, and usually am yelling "STOP YELLING" to my wife & kids. Point is, even I yell, when I hate it and (me thinks) a little better about NOT yelling than some because I just can't take the sound of it; yelling spawns MORE yelling.
The way I try to critique myself in regards to the kids (and wifey) is to ask myself "How would you respond if someone was talking to you like this?" I know 'feaux cheaux that I do not respond well to aggression towards me (which includes yelling). So I wonder, how do they feel when they get yelled at more than most people I know...its a wonder they aren't a bunch of wild....waaaaaaaiiit a minute...see?
We have "Volume Action Days" (like the Ozone Action Days in my industry) where I encourage everyone NOT to yell...
In any case, its your first day to be 30 something and # of days..just don't yell/nor hit the kids...bottom line, you're on to something.

Unknown May 18, 2010 at 6:31 PM   Reply to

My dad has always hated Oprah. He says she's a hypocrite.

Anyway, I like that quote from the Smith's too. It does seem to make sense. I would like to think that we sort of do something like that with our kids. We allow them to pretty much do what they like unless it is going to hurt themselves or someone else. One thing my husband and I both have a problem with, though, is the yelling. I have to check myself sometimes and take a deep breath. Sometimes I just have to walk away and face the situation after crying about it in the bathroom. I hate seeing that look of fear on my kids' faces that you talked about.

It sounds to me that you are an awesome dad. I think we all need reminders every now and again. Your last paragraph speaks volumes!

Anonymous,  May 19, 2010 at 12:47 AM   Reply to

Yeah, I'm a yeller. It sucks. I hate it. I tell myself to stop. I yell at the kids to stop yelling. It's stupid. And, yeah, 0007 hates it. But, like he said, even while hating the yelling, we both yell. The only thing that any of us can do is to do better tomorrow. I need to take some parenting classes from T!

I've got an award for ya on my bliggity blog!

Tracy May 19, 2010 at 11:43 AM   Reply to

Parenting classes from me....lmao. Ok I almost choked.

Scott makes me out to be this wonderful and great mother, and we all have problems and we all do our best. And thats all we can do. :)

If somethings not working try something else.

I love Love & Logics books.

Michelle,  May 20, 2010 at 4:48 PM   Reply to

I really like this. You're right we all do things differently. I don't have kids yet but I can already tell I'm going to be a yeller. Hoping I can change that before its too late.

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