THIS DADDYS BLOG: June 2010

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Free Agency. Should I Stay or Should I go?

It begins at midnight tonight on the East Coast.

What begins you ask?

You didn't ask? Screw you then, Im tellin' you anyways!

FREE AGENCY

That's right FREE AGENCY (in the NBA that is)

At midnight I become a free agent. (don't tell T, she'll cut my nuts off in my sleep) I have an OPT-OUT agreement after 10 years. (again please don't tell T, she'll cook my chopped off nuts and put them in my eggs) Tonight at midnight is when all the suiters that wan't me will be calling me and coming to the door to try and get me to go with them. I am hot on the market. Maybe the hottest out there. More so than LeBron, D-Wade, Chris Bosh, any of these guys.

Laugh you might but my stats speaks for themself.

*11 years with the same team, 10 of which are under contract

*4 kids in less than 7 years

*No Divorce's

*Same job for 8 years

I mean just those stats alone make me one of the hottest free agents out there.

So what do I do. Do I OPT-OUT and test the market and see who comes a knockin' and see who can give me the better deal? Or do I stay put and continue to be a winner right where I am at?

Let's think about this.

I could go somewhere else and start over. I could go somewhere else where there are already piece in place and contribute there. I could go older and share the experience or I could go younger and be a guide.

The problems with going elsewhere are that you never know what is waiting for you. You might not be happy after you sign the new contract. I might have to change numbers. The new colors might not look good on me. I might not be able to co-exist with the other players. The grass is not always greener.

Staying put and resigning a new 10 year contract means that I already know the game plan that is in place. I don't have to learn anything new. I am with the one that helped me become a winner in the first place and help me continue winning over the past 10 years. I have an owner that cares. I already have the team logo tatted on my body. Why would I leave when there is already a championship formula in place. My current place can offer me the max contract with incentives that I may not get anywhere else.

So I have alot to think about before the clock strikes at midnight. ESPN is running reports all day long about where the stars might go. LeBron, Wade, Bosh, Dirk, and all the others. But the one that is headlining the show is

This Daddy

Where will he sign?

Experts are saying that I will stay put and resign a new 10 year deal.

But my agents and I are still considering my options.

(there is a point to all of my rambling and it will be made tomorrow after I make my decision)

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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

For Better or Worse?

Shit is was for sure WORSE last night.

The Bachelorette, Ali and her cast of doofs were at it again last night and this reality tv show is getting all to real.............REAL STUPID!!!

Ok, is there any better place for a group of dumbass' to gather than Turkey? NO! The show starts out by having Ali get the phone call from the beaver teethed, not so good looking girlffriend of Justin. Ok so at this point T is looking at me and then says something to me that she has never said before

"You were right about him" No shit MotherLock Holmes. I know how dudes are and he was about as fake as the Rolex you buy for $50 on the side of a New York street. Then you know what the stud wrestler did? He hobbled his booted foot ass across the hotel grounds and tried to run away from Ali. Thats a real man. Then he hobbled back to her and tried to explain and he made himself look like a bigger dumbass.

Oh, how could I forget his voicemails to his girlfriend back home

"Hey, its me Justin, just wanted to tell you I love you"

"Hey, its me, who won on WWE last night?"

"Hey, its me, I hobbled up a mountain for this blonde yesterday, and my foot hurts"

"Hey it Justin, I really love you and miss you, are you screwing another dude right now?"

"Hey it Justin, Im here to sheild and protect your heart and got a tattoo for you"

Now with that jackass gone, Ali can focus on the true love of her life which is

Ty. Really? Are you kidding me. This dude is a clown. He is not even good looking and he has big ears and a bad hair piece and he is a cornball. When they kissed, I wanted to throw up in my mouth.

Frank. Nah, he is a crazy eyed too possessive weirdo. We have already seen that he is going to be a problem. Frank to Ali "Please don't talk to the other guys and kiss them and date them" Ali to Frank "You know we are on a dating show right Frank? Franks a loser and a big ass baby.

Could you ever imagine anything worse than Kasey and his voice? Well last night you got it. For me anyways, I was too disturbed watching the guys get oiled up and wrestle each others after they wrestled the guys with the leather pants on. Yeah not a good sight and to make matters worse, Roberto lost to Craig. What the F was that?

And in typical game ending fashion....Craig you just got your ass sent home by Ali, where are you going next? "DISNEY WORLD?" Nope! The limo to cry you little sorry ass to the camera man on your way to the airport.

And then there were 5. Roberto, Chris L, Kirk, Frank and Ty.

And now for the better.

C1 has let T know that he is going to live with her (us) until T grows up! He is going to have 4 kids like us. He is going to stay close to his brothers and sister. He let us know this last night while he was having his mommy time. C3. She let us know that she was going to have babies? I told her NOT SO FAST! She told me that she wanted to get married where T and I got married so she could have a ring on her finger. NOT SO FAST! C2 and C4 were fast asleep. But I also learned over the weekend what the kids what to do when they get older.

C1 - Wants to be a collector. Yeah of Toy Story stuff. We'll talk about it later.
C2 - He wants to make the food that people eat at Micky D's. No need to talk later. Not happening
C3 - She is going to be a puppet. Yeah...NO! No daughter of mine is going to be a puppet.
C4 - Thoughts still in progress.

I only hope to grow old and gray with T so we can see some of this come true.

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Monday, June 28, 2010

Can A Man Breastfeed?

HELL NO!

Trust me. It just doesn't work. And I know this how you may ask?

Well lets just say this, I didn't plan on finding this out. Let me set the scene up for you.

I was laying on the bedroom floor watching the Star Trek movie and C4 was playing on me, crawling on and over me and having fun. I was into the movie and he had come and laid his head on my chest like he does alot. Well he all of a sudden locked his teeth on my man nip and tried to get him some Ninny Juice.

"AGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Hell NO! C4." He sat up, looked at me and then came back for seconds. I told him "Daddy doesn't have Ninny Juice" He just continued to look at me and what did I hear coming from the other room?

LAUGHTER

Yeah from the mouth of my BREASTFEEDING wife, who thought that this was FUNNY.

Yeah real funny, nothing like having my man nip chewed on.

So we also made a trip to the Center for Puppetry Arts in Atlanta for the first time and this was a pretty cool thing. They have puppet displays from Fragle Rock, Sesame Street, the Muppets and then just about all kinds of puppets you can imagine.

The kids got to make their own puppets

And even put on a little show of their own

C1's puppet was bald, C2's puppet was Super Mario and C3's puppt looked like her

We then sat outside and ate our lunch

After that is was off to see the main puppet show for today which was

Hansel and Gretel

The kids actuallty enjoyed the story and enjoyed the Puppetry Arts Center and had a good time. It did get weird though when we walked through the Puppet Museum and saw the history of puppets and the different kinds of puppets.

Here are a couple freaky puppets

Teen Devils from Hell or something like that.

Some crazy head thing that the kids could control and move the eyes and mouth and head

After we left there we decided to go stroll around IKEA and look at all the shit for awhile. We looked at some big girl beds for C3 which she decided to try out and I wish I would have had the camera with me cause she was in every bed. It was funny.

The kids decided to give their puppets makeovers when we got home. C1 added a hat to his bald puppet making it Woody, and C3 decided to cut the curls off her and put a red hat on it to make it Jesse. C2 left his as Mario. But the kids played with the puppets all weekend and they lasted longer than I thought they would.

Man and I can't forget to mention the most awesome dinner T fixed last night. Steak, corn on the cob, and smooth creamy mashed potatoes. And the veggie that I love to eat but can never remember what its called. It has pieces that you can break off and dip in butter and suck the ends. Yeah those. I dont know. T knows.

I put in for my vacation time today. Yeah. 60 days till DISNEY WORLD.

Now time for another week of craziness. Let's see what can and will happen.

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Friday, June 25, 2010

Fridays Final Thoughts 6-25-10 and Five Question Friday....Again

FRIDAYS FINAL THOUGHTS

Well another week is almost done. What a week it has been.

From my wife saving the day at the dentist office to me airing out my dirty laundry that I was once a male cheerleader. Shit, lets forget that one though. Oh how can I forget that I also got pee'd on. Still haven't shaved yet, it happens tonight for sure.

Well I have to admit here while it is nice that people come and read the blog, I find it hard to follow through on the re - handing out of the awards I recieve from some of you readers. I can sit and write and goof on myself and talk about my struggles as a dad and how I try to be a better husband so T doesn't kick my ass all the time, but when it comes time to post about the awards and pass them back out, I freeze up.

Looky here, a blogger that I have followed since I began doing this is Robin and she gave me 2 awards that I still have not passed on, and this week Lauren a new reader, Rachel, and Tayarra all gave me awards that I still have not completed. Damn, I know I am that awesome but I am starting to feel alot like Lebron James, ya know, I can win all these awards but can't win the Finals. Oh and hey, why have I never gotten any awards from other cool ass dad bloggers. You know why? Cause us dads don't follow through on shit like that. We care about talking shit, and making fun and we dont make pretty little buttons and pass them around. The closest I will get to making buttons and passing them out is sitting down to pee (which I already admitted to doing), shaving my entire body (oh feels good) and my brief (head down) male cheerleading stint (stop judging me). There....sorry to you ladies for not following through, now you know how T feels.

Ok so here are some thoughts that are just pouring out of my ears, eyes and nose on this hot and humid but awesome Friday.

Parents' brawl cancels kindergarten graduation in California (from USA Today). Ok even I am not that much of an asshole. Read ths story here

Mass. school district to distribute condoms to any age student (from USA Today). OK, I see this is Provincetown, Mass. way of cutting down crime in the youth. Give em' rubbers. Get the kids away from video games and tv's - Give em' rubbers! Just another reason to homeschool. I don't think T will be giving the kids condoms.

T made these great muffins last night, I ate 3 of them around midnight after the NBA Draft
Organic Cinnamon Muffins

These were the 3 that were left this morning

until I ate them too.
Thanks honey these things ROCKED
Do you know the Muffin Man the Muffin Man the Muffin, Do you know the Muffin Man
sing it with me

And I think this weekend we are going to try and take the kids to the ATL Puppet Center, so that should be fun and we might make our weekly swimming trip. Oh and yard work and fix the fence and maybe, just maybe I will be able to get my fat ass up and start over on my workouts.

And for the second week in a row My Little Life has some questions that a dude can answer on the FQF post, which is leading me to believe more and more that.....
.....Just like James Brown sang "It's A Mans World"

1. Do you know how to play a musical instrument? See that is an open ended question. I know how to play some instruments, but I have no idea of how to play them correctly. I can play a mean pots and pans and thats about it.
So really the answer is NO

2. What is your pet peeve while driving? OH, putting on make up. Driving slow and talking on your phone. Stupid Ass' texting while you drive.

3. Would you rather have a housekeeper or unlimited spa services? My selfish answer would be to have unlimited spa services. Shit getting rubbed and waxed and groomed, damn I would look good and T would be all over me. She would never ever say to me "Get away you hairy"
But.
The right answer is to have a housekeeper. It would allow us / me more time to spend with the kids doing things together instead of having to do laundry and dusting and cleaning.

4. Is there a song that you hear that will take you back to the moment, like a junior high or high school dance? Oh yeah for sure. Both of these songs take me back to the weekend I met T in Panama City at Harpoons Harrys. Sweet Home Alabama and our first dance to Summer of 69'.

5. What song best represents your life right now? Just cause I struggle everyday trying to NOT be negative and I try everyday NOT to be an asshole to my wife and kids, I try to get that OLD ME and put him in the garbage. This is an everyday battle, cause I always seems to do the same shit.
TI and Justin Timberlakes "Dead and Gone"
It seems no matter how good I do, I am gonna have that day or night where I just fuck it up and I have to start all over again. Like last night I was an asshole to T and C3. Just lost my cool and yelled at one and made a smartass comment to the other. So today I begin all over.

Now I get it now I take

Time to think,
before I make mistakes
just for my familys sake
That part of me left yesterday
the heart of me is strong today
No regrets im blessed to say
the old me dead and gone away.

I turn my head to the east
I dont see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west
still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north,
swallow that pill
that they call pride
The old me is dead and gone,
the new me will be alright

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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Hairy Situation

I have a problem.

Sort of. Ok it's a BIG PROBLEM

See, I have to make a choice.

I work very long hours and get home late, try to spend as much time with the C's as I can before we get them into bed around 10:30 or 11 pm.

But......In the past few weeks, I have let myself go.
By letting myself go I mean that I haven't shave my body.
I am a hairy person and I hate hair on any other place on my body except my face and head.

It has gotten so bad that the other half of my "Pants Off - Dance Off" team has told me she wants no part of a performance until I am all cleaned up.

That mean, chest, back, arms and she even mentioned this weekend that my legs are too hairy now. I don't mind this, in fact I love my body being clean but here is where my problem comes up.

Do I..

A. Get home, rush right in and start the mulit-hour long process of shaving my body which includes her having to shave my back and neck?

B. Stay up extra late after the C's go to sleep and start the hair removal and hope T stays up late enough to help me finish the JOB?

C. Take donations from readers so I can go get waxed and scare the shit out of the girl like I did the last time I got waxed? I guess new employee's dont want their first to have an afro all over the body!

D. Abstain? Uh....NO and NEVER.

So here is how the conversation goes between T and I

Me - Hey honey, can I have a kiss?

T - No, you haven't shaved!

Me - Come on baby

T - Get away from me!

Me - Want me to rub you?

T - No cause your gonna want to "Pants Off - Dance Off"!

Me - Yeah and?

T - YOU HAVEN'T SHAVED and YOUR NASTY AND HAIRY

T - You want "Pants Off - Dance Off" - Shave!

Damn it. I need to shave, get waxed, laser hair removal, this Tom Selleck shit is hampering my my skills.

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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

We got spirit yes we do....here goes nothin'

Today I am cleaning out my drawers

No, assholes. Not my underwear, its just another way of saying

Im cleaning out my closet. NO! I did not say coming out of the closet either!

So I have a secret. Only certain people know about this. I have tried to keep it quiet for ummm lets say 20 years now, but I can't keep it in anymore. Honestly its not that big of a deal. I used to think it was but T was saying something to me about it the other day and I just figured it was time to let it out.

It is something that alot of people did and still do to this day. At the time it was me, my best friend Patrick, his brother Dwight and a few more of us. After football season some of us were approached by the cheerleaders. They asked us if we would help them out and be

(deep breath)

MALE CHEERLEADERS

Imagine a starting Qb (Patrick) and a back up QB (me) and a big lineman (Dwight) and some other football players sitting there in a gym watching 10 or so girls dance and jump and scream and do crazy shit. We never paid attention to these girl during the games, we were too busy sucking and getting our ass' kicked. But now we all sit in the gym looking at each other wondering what the hell are were doing here. We knew all of these girls and were friends with all of them, so when they ALL came to us with the puppy dog eyes, and short shorts and wool sweaters and whatever else they had on how could we say no?

UH. We didn't. So at that point we became.....thats right Male Cheerleaders.

Now we didn't have to dress like this

But we did get to do this

I have to admit, this was not easy. Girls stepping on the back of my calves and climbing up my back to stand on my shoulders and then stand up there and having to jump off...

And then I had to catch them? I dropped my share of girls.

Probably the best part of the deal, was when we got to go to a big national cheerleader compitition in S.C. I think at Myrtle Beach. Man that was the bomb, a high school kid, there I was in a hotel with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds girls.

So this was pretty much me for a brief period of time in high school

SNL Will Ferrell Cheerleaders from Kobra on Vimeo.

Now my wife has know about this for years, and has always threatened me with it and I always told her I would be so pissed if she ever told, but you know at this point, shit I dont care.

I used to be embarrassed by the fact that I did this but that was 20 years ago and who cares? Nobody can say anything to me that will hurt my feelings or make me feel stupid about it.

I mean how many high school boys get the chance to have cute girls legs wrapped around their necks and then get to look up cheerleaders skirts and no get slapped for it.

So there I did it, I cleaned out my bloomers and let it all hang out. My secret is now known.

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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Gettin' Pee'd On and The Bachelorette

What's that saying? Get on fore you get spit on? I don't know, that is just what some of the wonderful people whose cars we are trying to repo tell me on the phone before they hang up on me. That is probably one of the nicer things they say anyways. Well due to last nights events I am going to change that little saying to "GET ON FORE YOU GET PEE'D ON" That's right this morning I woke up at my regularly scheduled time to get ready for work and we had 2 extra kids in the bed. C2, who sometimes makes his way to our bed was curled up in a ball at the end of the bed like a puppy and C3, my little princess was curled up next to me.

Sweating? Yeah that happens because for some reason no matter how hot it is, I have to sleep with covers. So I thought I was just sweating. I reached to move the little princess and "OH Mutha-Fer" "C3, go change your panties and go pee" Yeah I got pee'd on. Don't know when it happened, but I slept good last night and I don't even remember her climbing into bed. I did the normal routine of having her sleep pee before I put her in her bed, but then since I didn't know she was in our bed, I missed the middle of the night sleep walking pee. So maybe in her own crazy little way, C3 was telling me to...

GET ON FORE YOU GET PEE'D ON

On to the important part of our program

(not really)

And last night one of T and I's favorite tv shows was on. The mindless tv show where you don't have to think, you just have to sit, watch, judge and laugh your ass off.

That's right, Monday night means Ali, The Bachelorette and her assortment of men. Last night's show was a long time coming, because a she finally got rid of the crazy voiced Kasey. Let's look back at some of Kasey's great quote's from the show.....

"Im here to shield and protect your heart" - Which means, Im here to stalk and lock you in my basement

"Im a Lover, A Giver, A Sharer" - Which means, Im crazy

"Im Kasey, Im a Dreamer and Im a Believer" - Which means, Im crazy

This guy was good for the show, only because he was the comic relief.

The best part was the damn tattoo, and when he show it to her in the frozen tundra of Iceland, out in the middle of no where. She then dismissed him and left him out there in the middle of a frozen mountain in Iceland. Oh well, you can tell by this next clip he did make it back safe and sound.

Well ok, that was really me doing my best Kasey

Ok and Chris N, the other wack job she kept around this long for some reason, Ali asked him what his guilty pleasure was and his answer after a moment of slient pause

"MEXICAN FOOD"

I still think that Roberto, Chris L, and Kirk are the favorites now that Frank is suppose to have the girlfriend and we find this out next week. Craig the Lawyer is a dork and Ty the Cowboy, ummmm. Not good looking.

The Wrestler Justin, this guy is a loser too. Sorry dude, your a wrestler, a fake.

Ok well, that was a fun night of tv. Nothing I love more than having a good laugh with T over a mindless tv show.

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Monday, June 21, 2010

T had a "What Would You Do" moment this morning

This is just another reason why T is a F-ing SuperMom, she will not say so but to me who watched what she did today she is awesome. And she is awesome because NO ONE ELSE in the entire dentist office said or did anything about what happened.

Today we took the kids to the childrens dentist so C1 and C2 could get their teeth cleaned and checked out. Well everything is fine with them and their teeth looked great and C3 and C4 sat in the waiting room for them. Well there one a period where T and C1 and C2 were out there waiting to go back and there was another little boy. A little boy who minutes before was talking to me, C3 and C4 about Toy Story and Buzz and Woody. Then he went back to the an exam room.

A few moments later when we were all sitting there, the little boy and his guardian (not sure if mom or grandmom) was talking to the ladies at the desk and in a flash out the door went the boy. Ok to make it worse, out the door is a parking lot.

T yelled, "That boy just ran out the door" and she went for the door and after her went the guardian and someone else who worked there. T was the only one to say anything and the only parent to get up and do something. He motherly instincts took over and as soon as the boy darted for the door, she spoke up and got to her feet and went after the boy.

T came back inside and said that the boy was outside hiding behind someones car. When he came back in, you could tell that he did not want to be in the dentist office and he was scared. This was the same boy that 5 minutes ago was sharing with me and the kids how much he loved Buzz and Woody. T said that she could hear him crying behind the door when the boys were getting their teeth cleaned and we both felt sick for the boy.

I know T hates sometime when all I do is talk so good about her and give her praise and say how wonderful she is, but today proved me right once again. T has a quick tongue and is ready to tell anyone what she thinks good or bad, but this morning I and the parents and or guardians of the little boy are also glad that T has a big mouth and speaks up......When no one else did.

Love you babe, your awesome.

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Weekend is over before you know it

I always wish the weekends were longer. I really do. It never seems as if there is enough time to spend with T and the C's. I mean we are always together, but it just passes so fast.

We were at the pool yesterday and I am amazed at how good the kids are swimming now after this years swimming lessons. Man we had such a good time yesterday, the C's and T got me a cookie cake that we DESTROYED, it was so good.

Thank you T and the C's for the AWESOME cookie cake, I am glad that we could all enjoy it.

We did have fun swimming and now that the LITTLE MERMAID C3 is swimming without her floaty wings she will not stop jumping off the diving board with C1 and she loves to go under and get the diving rings.

The kids love the pool!

Here is another quick shot of C3 acting out an old tv show T told the kids about. Some Robot show when a little girl was the robot. Oh yeah its Vicki the Robot, it was escaping my mind

And C1 made this for me out of our little jalapeno and our extrta little onions that we are growing in our garden. They may not be big but the onions smelled and tasted great.

Thanks to everyone that wished me a Happy Fathers Day, I had a very nice day and I hope all the other dads did as well

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Saturday, June 19, 2010

Happy Fathers Day

Fathers Day

What is Fathers Day?

Everyone has thoughts of Fathers Day and they are all different. Some may think that going out and having a day to themselves is awesome, some may think that staying at home and doing nothing is the best, but me, I like to have a normal day of doing everything I usually do.

Some laundry, yeah I have a little left to finish up, some outside work, yeah I need to fix our fence, brushing the kids teeth and doing some bitching and moaning and turning down the chance to change a shitty diaper, that is all what I have planned for tomorrow. I mean isn't that what me being a dad is all about anyways? I love being yelled at by my kids and waiting to get hit in the nuts and having my glasses ripped off my face. I love waking up in the morning in a spot of pee from one of the kids. Wiping ass' and cleaning up spills and everything else, I just love it.

Being a dad is great. I love being a dad. I may not be a dad of the year, well take that back....I am the dad of the year every year to my C's and that is what matters most. I think about being a dad each and every day and how happy I am to be the father of.............

C1. A 6 yr old, blonde haired, blue eyed and a little version of me in the sense that he is a funny funny boy, who can take over the room with his stand up material.

C2. A 5 yr old with long locks of brown hair and deep brown eyes. He has my ability to be a very frustrating child and then turn that into complete sweet love.

C3. My 3 yr old little princess, with brown hair and blue eyes. A small version of her mother, which is why she has daddy wrapped around not one finger but all of them.

C4. My 1 yr old with the brown and blue combo and he is exactly like me in the fashion that he can't stand to be away from his mommy and she is the one that I love the most too.

I love being a Father for some many reasons and I don't think I could name them all. I always knew I wanted to be a dad from the days of my Aunt and Uncle having foster children and me playing with them, to the day of me working in the daycares and even the days of working in the school system in Fl. I if had to give anything up in my life, I know the one thing I would never give up is being a dad.

And now I need to give a little credit where credit is due.

I grew up with some great roles models in my life and they all happened to be dads. First my POP-POP, a great man who loved me and took care of me when I was very little. My Granddaddy who accepted me from day one and always had time for me when I called him. My Uncle Buzz, who always made sure his house was my house.

I did indeed save the BEST for last. My dad. This man came into my life and had an instant impact. A Military man, who is the smartest man around. A man who did so much for me growing up. I mean he taught me right from wrong and he must have done a good job because I never got in trouble and I was always respectful to others. My dad has never stopped giving himself to me and he is still there to lend a helping hand no matter what the need. I knew growing up that I wanted to be just like him and I set goals to be like him.

Now my father, like I said is one smart s.o.b. He is a lawyer. Am I that smart? Hell NO! He is great at math, am I? Hell NO! He keeps up with everything, writes it all down stores it away, I can't remember or find something from yesterday. My dad is a runner, he can run for miles and miles, my fat ass cant make a mile anymore. Now my dad and I are alot alike in many ways. Neither of us can fix our own shit, we are both married to women that keep us in line, and we can both cook, he just does it more than I do.

Now where I might have fallen short on my goals to be like my dad a smart lawyer type, I have done the one thing in my life that he did the best and to me that is the ultimate goal

I am a dad and a GREAT one at that.

To T, thanks for making me a father almost 7 years ago. It is the best gift you have ever given me and I get to live with the gift every minute.

And to my dad. Happy Fathers Day. I love you and you are awesome and I would'nt be the Father I am today without you.

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Friday, June 18, 2010

Fridays Final Thoughts 6-18-10 and Five Question Friday

FRIDAYS FINAL THOUGHTS

I am very tired today on this Friday, the Friday morning after the Lakers

WON!!!

It wasn't pretty and it wasn't easy, but they WON!!

And I didn't even have my sidekick T the wonder commentator by my side. She watched the first quarter, made fun of Kobe's bad shooting and my team losing and then called me a drama queen when I started pouting and said "Im going to sleep, dont wake me with your crying"

Ok I could go on for hours and pages about my man love for Kobe and the Lakers and how they WON, but I move on.

So we all know what this weekend is such a huge weekend. There is something so BIG and so HUGE and us as parents all know that our kids are going to celebrate it....

Am I talking about Fathers Day?

Nope

TOY STORY 3

Isn't this the biggest thing going on?

It is in my house.

The kids have been aware that this movie was coming out for the longest time now. C1 has even written June 18th on every piece of paper he has.

We are going to take the kids to see this movie, just not this weekend.

Maybe we will take the kids swimming this weekend, so I can work on my tan. That sounds good. Man that means I need to shave my body. I have let myself go again. Arm hair is visable, chest hair and back hair is poking through the shirt, and facial hair is scruffy again. I do this thing at the pool when I sit there and pull my shorts up really high so the tops of my legs can get some sun which leads T to say

"Pull your shorts down"

Ok, most of the time the questions that are on this next thing are really girly, and I know that I can be girly sometimes (evidence is I pee sitting down sometimes- dont judge) but the questions seemed to be ok today so I thought I would take part in

1. What is your favorite thing about summertime?
The heat. I love the sun and don't really mind how hot it gets. It does get hot but I lived in Texas for so long and the Ga. heat doesn't even compare. Another thing I love is going to the pool with the kids. The kids Aunt Bing Bing and Uncle Nolen have a great pool and the kids are awesome swimmers and we love going over there.

2. What is your ideal retirement location (if money didn't matter)?
I guess the answer to this would be Florida. Doesn't every old blue hair, snow bird, whatever the hell you want to call them retire in Florida. Get a small home with little or no yard, shit some of the yards are even pebble yards. Yeah I guess Florida or even Texas. It has to be somewhere that the kids will want to come visit and or take care of us (me really)

3. Do you live in the same town you grew up in?
No. I was (probably still am - the brat part) a Military Brat. I moved all over the place. Every three years or so, we would pack up and move. I was lucky enough to stay in the same place for all of middle school (Germany) and then stay in the same place for high school (Virginia)

4. What nervous habit did you have as a child that you kicked to the curb before becoming an adult?
I am not really sure. I still bite my nails, I still bite my lip, I still scratch my balls, I really am not sure. I have stopped shitting my pants but that may have not been a nervous habit, just something I did.

5. What is the most embarrassing thing that happened to you while on the job?
Ok, well in Tx, T and I went out to eat lunch. We went to this place that we always went to. I got the best bowl of nasty monster hot chili. So good! T was taking this diet pill Xenacal. (the little blue pill that made you shit out every drop of grease and oil that is in your body) T told me, looked right in my eyes and told me "DONT FART or you will leak" Ok back at the Ford dealership I was working at and I sold a very nice Expedition (tan interior) I went around to get it from the wash area and deliver it to the guy and what did I do
I FARTED
I didnt even realize what had happened till the guy gets ready to get in and see's a big oil spot on his seat. (YEP, from my ass) He wiped it with his hand and said the wash crew must have eft some cleaning stuff on the seat.
He left, I then went to the bathroom to check my pants and sure enough, I did exactly what T told me not to do.I farted and leaked oil out of my ass and through my underwear and through my pants.
Yeah. No more Xenacal ever.

Have a great Friday

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Thursday, June 17, 2010

A boy and his first love

Velcro

Stick'em

Glue

Static Cling!

That's it Static Cling!

Static cling is the tendency for light objects (or thick 1 yr olds) to stick (cling) to other objects (such as a Mommy). It is common in clothing (and 1 yr olds) but occurs with other items (such as 1 yr olds) and has the tendency to be attracted to, and stick to a Mommy.

We seem to have this in our house.

Mommy and C4

While this is such a great thing, it is also a HUGE pain in the ass.

There is nothing sweeter than a boy and his first love. The one that breast feeds him and baths him and put the cloth diapers on him.

His Mommy

But oh my, don't let something like 2 inches come between them, cause you would think that we are pulling his finger nails off, or tweezing his 1 yr old nose hairs. If you have ever seen the movie Jurassic Park and remember the insanely loud sound that the Velociraptor made, than you know about a sound that comes from his body when his Mommy leaves him to go such places as

the bathroom (same house)

the kitchen (same house)

downstairs (same house)

Ok, basically anywhere in OUR SAME F-ING HOUSE, but somewhere different than where he is.

After 3 children I do understand that SEPERATION ANXIETY is something that kids go through and this 1 yr old has got it and he's got it bad.

So bad that I am depating having a GPS attached to T's body and attach the monitor to C4's wrist, so he knows that Mommy is near.

See this? This is too far apart. You can't see it, but there is actually an invisable band between them that keeps them connected.

Now, the bad part about all of this is that at night or on the weekends when I am home, I like to try and give T some breathing room. I consider myself the Fabric Softener between the two, but as soon as I try to get C4 and hold him or try to get him to sleep.....

(hear that?) Oh shit the Velociraptor got out, the wild animal and the ear piercing sound is shattering our windows. The GPS alarm is going off, get C4 back to T........he is actually in the same room but just

not attached to her hip.

Now I love me some daddy time and I have to admit my little C4 loves to say "DA-DA" and now he seems to be the only one greeting me at the door when I get home

but.........

Something about his Mommy just makes him always gotta be by her side

A boy and his first love

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

T and I shared a special moment or two or three

Oh the little things she does.

She really does sacrifice a little bit of herself for me.

I wonder what other things she does for me or with me that she really does not like?

And the best part about her doing this with me

I REALLY F-ING ENJOY IT

She knew last night was a big night for me. I know this because we were in the kitchen getting the night time snacks for the kids and she looks at me and said

"Isn't there a game on tonight"

HELL YEAH!

Oh, my god, yesterday was the longest day (so it seemed). I could not drive fast enough to get home to watch the Lake Show. That's right the Lakers were playing for their lives in a Game 6 win or go home contest. Down 3 - 2 the Lakers HAD to win to force a Game 7 at Staples Center on Thursday.

So being the loving, awesome, giving husband that I am and wanting the company of my sweetest wife during this trying time ofered to give her a back and fot rub during the game so she would sit and watch it with me. One thing T does whenever she watches sports with me is play by play and sideline reporting as well as comentary. Now some husbands might not like this. The out of place comment here and there, the not really knowing what she is talking about this and that but not me.

I love it! In fact, I even said to her "I love it when you watch sports with me" T says the funniets things. She doesn't know all that much about basketball and doesn't care and shit she doesn't even like the sport but she watches it with and for me and brings things like this to the table........

In a laughing voice "The Lakers have on girly colors - purple ha ha ha" When I told her I looked to wear a shirt as close to purple as I had.....she laughed again

"Those guys can't even put the ball in the hole!" It's a basket....she laughs

Jordan Farmar dives on the floor for a loose ball and scoops it ahead to another Laker

she say's "Can't they just kick it?" No! "So they can crawl around the floor with it?"

T - "They are winning by 20 points, can't we turn it off?"

Me - NO! Boston might come back

We talked about Lamar Odom and his wife Khloe K, and which of the Kardashian sisters are better looking, both of us agreeing that Khloe is the least good looking.

We both agree that Jordan Farmar needs an ear job

But, I have to admit, that I like this back up point guard

and my nick name for him is

Mighty Mouse

And he did have this nice break away dunk on KG last night

T knows I have this man-love for Kobe and she loves to give me shit about it. I know she DISLIKES him so much that at halftime when he had a sweet moment kissing his daughters and wife in the tunnel on the way to the locker room she made the comment "Which wife is that?".

And when I asked her if she and the kids would take and old t-shirt and color it purple and yellow for me, she said she would...

.....but she is gonna make it GREEN by mistake for the Celtics.

So while she did sacrifice her time last night to spend it with me watching the game, she did get a foot rub and a back rub. I say it was a win for both of us.

And guess what?

WE GET TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN ON THURSDAY FOR

GAME 7

LAKERS VS. CELTICS

I love you honey for watching the game with me last night! Thanks

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Train Wreck TV...How The Bachelorette will help my C's in the future

The Bachelorette....What a train wreck. ABC, you picked the worst group of guys EVER.

While I am glad that my darling daughter is only 3, I do wish she was old enough to sit and watch this show with me so she could see what her future holds for her. And my 3 sons, I would also like for them to see how NOT TO ACT when trying to find a girl to fall in love with. Maybe I will get all of the episodes off the dvr and burn them and save them for the future.

Ali, she is no where close to my favorite Bachelorette's of all time who happen to be Deanna and Jillian. This girl has a laugh that make me want to pull my nose hairs out with burning tweezers, but it is what it is and she is the woman of the season. She has no sense about anything. Look around at the guys Ali, they are all flakes, well most of them

Ok. Let's start with the good. Roberto. I like this guy. A guys guy, an athlete, someone who you could hang with, doesn't seem to jump on the bandwagon of dogging the other dudes. Had a great Lion King performance and sang into Ali's eye's and she bought every bit of it. It is good that he won that because I am not sure if any of the others could have worn the diaper as well as him. I told T, if the weatherman would have won that, his little ass would have needed a pull up. Chris L., the birthday boy. When she sent him the note to come to her room, I looked at T and said "If this dude is smart he will bring the chicken soup" SCORE. She loved the soup and it got her feeling better and they were off to have a nice night. Kirk, this guy did a nice job being the sweet "your sick and you should be in bed" dude. He got to go tuck her in and made her feel good. But then he left.....

So Roberto, Kirk and Chris L are the only one's that seem to be ok.

Frank (I call him CRAZY EYE) gets weirded out when she is with someone else. Hey shit head it's a dating show. Don't you still have a girlfriend back home anyways?

The WeatherMan - Jonathan, your a sorry woman. You cried again after she gave you the boot. But even before that you were stressing about talking to her. You went and TRIED to butt in when she was with someone else and they buzzed you away....Shew Fly Don't Bother Me.. The forecast for today....Cloudy with rain falling from your eyes and windy, blowing your ass out of the door. BYE BYE

Ok, now for my favorite part of the show. Actually anytime that this guy is getting air time I LOVE IT. Only because I can't stop making fun of him and laughing at him. Kasey. (INSERT NASAL VOICE) sings to her. She laughed and spit her drink out. He sings again. She tell him basically, he is fake and he needs to get real. Oh he is real alright. REAL STUPID. "Im here to shield and protect your heart" SHUT UP! Loser and your voice, now every Monday I find myself talking like you and making fun of you. So what does he do to prove his love? He gets a tattoo! YES! With a shield, a heart, some crap about stones and a rose. ALI HIDE THE KNIVES!

The kicker of it all is......SHE KEPT HIS SORRY F-ING ASS.

Oh and Ali, really, do you not care about anyone? You are sick, but yet you continue on to KISS EVERYONE. You kiss Roberto and then on to kiss Frank and then Kirk and so on and so on. So next episode is everyone going to be sick? Does that mean that Frank kissed Roberto and Kirk kissed both of them?

So bye bye to the WeatherMan - Jonathan and Jesse - the farm loving country boy.

Frank (crazy eye'd Chandler Bing look alike), Ty (wanna be country singer with the big ears), Justin (wrestling flake), Chris N (who), Craig (lawyer), Kasey (future serial killer) are given Rose's along with my front runners....Roberto, Kirk, and Chris L.

So to my 3 sons, please don't ever get a tattoo over a woman. Unless you are married for 10 years to the love of your life, like I am to your Mommy. I got your Mommy's name on my heart cause she is the love of my life. And for the love of god C1, C2, C4.....Know this....if you can't sing or play an instrument really well....DONT DO IT FOR THE GIRL. C3, if you have some cheeseballs courting you...keep a gun close by, don't let them sing to you, and if they tell you they want to SHIELD AND PROTECT YOUR HEART.....run and get your brothers as fast as you can.

If C1 were on a dating show, he would be the sweet sensitive one and the art and music lover and catering to the girls needs, doing whatever she wanted. (like me) C2, he is the tough, hard headed tell her like it is guy and if she doesn't like it then see ya. (like mommy) C4, too early to tell, not really sure yet, maybe the kind that is always by her side, since he never want's to be away from mommy. And C3 is she were on a show, oh shit...better watch out for her. Demanding, loud and strong willed and hard headed. She might throw a rose at the guy or stomp on it or she may even staple it to the guy, like on that beer comercial.

Thankfully I have many years to get them ready or get myself ready.

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Monday, June 14, 2010

Weekend Fun

Call me MR. Install. This weekend we went over to T's Mom's new house and I put in her new above range microwave and her dishwasher. I also learned how to set up and wire a new plug outlet for the first time. Everything works and looks good, NO fires (yet), and NO floods (yet).

Then yesterday I installed the new Diaper Sprayer on our bathroom toilet.

No big deal and it even has a shut of switch. Maybe the kids won't find the shut off switch.

So now that it is in, I don't have to go outside anymore to clean shitty diapers. I can stay in our bathroom and be covered by the smell of a 1 yr olds nasty ass diaper and get splattered by little pieces of shit that may come flying off of said diaper.

The kids finished up swim lessons on Friday and another year completed and C1 basically just had to fine tune some things and get better and stronger with the main freestyle stroke. C2 did really well and loved it and now he can swim without any floatation device attached to him. C3 watched and felt like she was doing the lessons so Im sure she feel like she is a better swimmer and C4 well, he is a floater.

So swim lessons went great. Thanks to Ms. Lindy again for another great year of lessons. They kids really like you and listen and they have learned alot. Thanks to Aunt Bing Bing and Uncle Nolen for the use of the pool. The kids love to swim and they love pool days.

The garden we started is doing ok. Our Onions are not looking so good, our Cumcumbers I am not so sure about, there are just some long vines and no Cucumber yet, our Onion Chives, not there, our Cilantro, is growing but not sure how good, it smells great, like Cilantro but doesn't look great, the Cheyene peppers, who the hell knows, but one thing is for sure I sure do have a big..................

Jalapeno

and also a little

But I am glad that at least something is growing.

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Friday, June 11, 2010

Fridays Final Thoughts 6-11-10

FRIDAYS FINAL THOUGHTS

Thank goodness it is Friday. It seems like just yesterday it was Thurdsay. I am so ready for the weekend. I have so much to do.

I know everyone has alot to do, but are you asking yourself "I wonder what This Daddys has to do?"

NO! Im gonna tell you anyways!

Laundry. I always do 1/2 of the laundry on the weekends. I do the wash / dry / and bring upstairs half. T has the put up half. She has the kids clothes so organized, I am not even messing with it.

Yard work. That about says it.

Install cloth diaper sprayer in our bathroom for hours and hours of fun for the kids. (cant wait)

Clean house. Yes I really do help clean the house.

Ok, so now for the good stuff.

I saw on USA Today this morning that they are closer to having a mens birth control pill? I can see it now, couples fighting over who took the pill and who didn't take the pill. Will it come in a round BLUE case?

16 year old girl sailing around the world ALONE...LOST...NOW FOUND! Some parents won't let their 16 year old daughters go to the movies by themselves, sailing around the World?

BP and Tony Heyward - You both suck ass and I hope you both get what comes your way.

C1 and C2 finish swimming lessons today. C1 is a little Michael Phelps and C2 is on his way. I need to get out there in the pool with them.

All of the C's are SO tan, I mean really dark from being at the pool everyday, people are going to think T and I adopted 4 kids. They are going to confuse us with Brangelina.

To the Celtic's nice job last night tying the series up at 2 all. Now the Ghetto just called and asked for Nate Robinson and Glen Davis back.

To the Lakers and Kobe...Can we please finish this thing.

And today the WORLD CUP of Soccer starts. I hope the USA has a good showing.

There is something that T says that I hate to hear. It is like being kicked in the balls, over and over again.

"DON'T START WITH ME!"

C3 being the sweet little thing that she is and being my only daughter has figured out the fasted way to push my button.

Her magic word is "NO"

She does however find time to make T and I laugh by saying over and over and over again

"What did you say?" and "Why?"

"What did you say?"

See what I mean? Shit plays with your mind

"What did you say?"