Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Lessons from the St. Clair Resort & Golf Cart

You know it never fails, just when I think I am going to go somewhere and just have a good ol time, I make myself feel like an asshole.  I am such a dick sometimes.  Saturday night, after I laid in bed, I thought to myself  "Self, you are such a dick, why are you so selfish?"  And I am selfish.  I love my sports, my Sunday football, my me time, my time with T.  And don't get me wrong, I love my C's and the time I spend with them but I think I take it for granted.  How many times do I put something else before the kids. Something that will be there later?  Probably more than I should. As much as I bitch, moan and complain that I am at my job TOO MUCH, as much as I my a fucking fit about being away from home TOO MUCH.....I still do assholish things. (Yes, assholish is a word, maybe)

Well I learned another valuable lesson Saturday.  Actually two.  One was a lesson on how to know when you are lucky enough to have the ability to do stuff with your kids and take the time to enjoy them and the other was a lesson on how not to talk to your kids.

I mentioned yesterday that we spent Saturday at T's cousin McKenzies house.  Well McKenzie's husband is this guy Gary.  Let me break down Gary for you. And believe it or not, I have know  McKenzie for the 11 years T and I have been together and I have only know Gary for the 4 years that they have been married.  I learned more about Gary in the 9 hours that I was at his house on Saturday than I did during the previous 4 years. 

The lesson I learned came from being around Gary this weekend.  Now for more of the breakdown. Gary is a big mutha F-er.  6 foot 6, I think and a former Ga. Tech football player, a big bastard.  A business owner, hard worker and pretty much owns a house that would make you drool.  You would look at this guy and think he has got it made.  Has a few sweet rides parked in the driveway, McKenzie is a great wife to him...but you know his greatest source of pride and joy?........His 3 daughters.  Yeah, god bless this man, 3 daughters, ohh shit.  I cant hardly handle 1.

Gary had surgery like 3 or 4 months ago I think.  He was fucked up pretty bad.  He started to get a little better and then got worse again.  They could never get his shit (yeah, really shit) right.  He is still recovering and still trying to get everything fixed.  He has been pretty much laid up for this entire time.  Yes, he can get up and move around his house, but he wasn't able to drive, wasn't able to work, wasn't able to eat what he wanted and wasn't able to enjoy life, and most of all he is not able to enjoy his daughters to the full extent. 

And by the full extent I mean, he cant go outside and run around with them, horseplay with them, throw them around like he would do.  I mean he can enjoy being around them and love them like he always has, but he cant do the things I take for granted.  Going outside and playing tag, kicking the soccer ball, wrestling with the kids. 

Saturday, as I sat and talked to Gary, I learned that this big ass football player was ready to get his body, mind and spirit back to where it used to be. He was tired of being beat down by a illness, a surgical mishap, something that was defeating him at the moment.  He went trick or treating with the family, he sat in a golf cart and rode around while his 3 girls went door to door.  I know he loved seeing them have a good time, but I bet your ass he would have loved to have gone door to door with them.  And you know the best part about Gary is?....He doesn't let this shit get to him.  Yeah, maybe he does behind closed doors, but you wouldn't know it from being around him.

I know he doesn't want anyone feeling sorry for him, but I cant help but think about how hurt he must be inside knowing that he is missing time just being able to do certain things with the girls.  He might not even like that I said that but, as a father looking at another father, I cant help but think that.

So while I was very appreciative that Gary and McKenzie opened their home to us for the entire day, I was more thankful to learn another lesson.  I need these lessons.  I need to have that kick in the head and remind me to not be such a selfish asshole sometimes.  I have done alot in my life.  I have seen alot. I can watch football anytime, I can dvr the games and watch them later......I can only play with my kids, while they want me to play with them.....

Thanks Gary. Get Well.

The other lesson I learned was from a cousin I shall not name, but the way he talked to his kids, got to me.  It made me think to myself again "Self, do I really talk to my kids in that manner?"  I hope not. I mean I know that I get irritated and say shit to my kids sometimes but damn, I was shocked. Guess it doesn't really matter, you know, who am I anyways?  Not like saying anything is going to make a difference.  I just didn't expect it.  So it just poked another little nerve in my brain like a cattle prod and maybe the next time I am getting ready to talk to my kids like they are my friends instead of my children it will give me that jolt.  I don't want my kids going around talking to other people like this when they get older, so I am going to do my best to talk to them the way I want them to address other kids.

You know I can't save the world, shit I cant even save my own damn street, but I can save myself from being the big asshole and bad dad that I often find myself becoming.

Knowing me, I am going to need another lesson soon.  Like don't keep making fun of your wife when she threatens to keep the PO DO away from you. 




Gretta November 2, 2010 at 9:52 AM   Reply to

Your "lesson" posts have been very inspirational lately and great reminders for us parents. By the way, I'm hosting a giveaway a day on my blog this week so you & T come get entered each day! Double the chances to win, right?! :)

Unknown November 3, 2010 at 7:26 AM   Reply to

That is pretty powerful there. Even though I'm home with my kids pretty much 24/7, I still feel that I lack at being the best mom I can be. I don't want speak for my husband, but I'm sure he feels the same way (about being a dad, not a mom). Yesterday I came across this:
Talk about powerful! I even linked it on FB and a good friend of mine commented on how she disagreed with the post and that you can't claim to know what is best for someone else's child from what you see in a line at the store.
I disagree with that because I can't tell you how many times I've been in the store and had those super uncomfortable moments where a parent was talking to their kid like they were the scum of the earth. Makes me wanna give that kid a hug. Or hug my kids a little tighter.

We all have our fail moments, but I can tell that you are a great dad especially since you recognize those fail moments and strive to improve them. I'm right there with ya!

BTW, I like that word "assholish". I may have to use it! :)

Connie November 3, 2010 at 8:46 AM   Reply to

That is great that you've learned these lessons! It's inspiring to hear a Daddy talk like this!

Have a great day!

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