Friday, June 24, 2011

Fridays Final Thoughts 6-24-11.......Suckers Quit and Quitters Suck

This Daddy's Blog


Today's post is about quitting and how you suck if you quit.
Suckers quit and quitters suck.

I am a sports guy. I love sports. I love T and the C's.  I compare the world of sports to the world of marriage and parenting most of the time and find ways that they link together.

I am so against divorce. I see divorce as quitting. T and I agreed when we decided to say "I do" that there would never be an "I quit".

Well on my way to work this morning I heard about how baseballs Washington Nationals Manager Jim Riggleman quit last night after the game. Now I'm sure he has his reasons and they were related to how the organization wouldn't up his contract yet. The problem I have is with the way he did it.  Middle of the season right after the game, didn't talk to his players first. 

Now put that into the world of marriage.  So many people do exactly what Riggleman did. Spur of the moment, no notice, no warning just up and quit. Quit on the spouse, the marriage, the kids, the family idea.  That is crazy to me. A man and a Woman put so much into meeting, dating, planning and finally getting married. Then they talk, plan and work on having a family. This all takes time. People work so hard to build a strong family foundation to rip it all apart in a matter of moments.  How about instead of quitting on your spouse and or kids, you go back to the planning stage. The working stage. The talking stage.  How about you work as hard to fix it, as you did to build it in the first place.

Marriage does not come with a contract per say. You agree to your vows and begin your life together. If you were in a signed agreement would you just quit on your spouse no matter what your agreement said?Would you want the other spouse to do that to you? Riggleman, had a contract till the end of the season, he should have stayed and tried to work it out and if it didn't then he did what he could and left after he tried. Like a marriage, maybe I would feel better about it if people would actually try and work out stuff instead of just walking away. This guy who was known as a long time managerial man has now made himself look like a quitter.  Another example of this that really got to me in the sports world was the old football coach of the Atlanta Falcons Bobby Petrino. He up and left middle of the season. Just quit and left.

******Cheating and Abuse. Does that make a difference? Are there times and reasons that divorce and quitting can be ok and actually end up making a better life for you and your kids? I am sure that there are so many reasons and examples of yes and no to that question.

I may give up on a project, a task, a job or a chore, but when I sit and try to think about how my wife and kids would feel if T and I were at odds and I was going to walk away..I start to cry. I will never, ever walk away from my wife or kids. Nothing out there could ever be bad enough for me to do that. I fell in love with that woman and we built a strong core and T and the 4 C's are MY team. There is no quitting on MY team. None of us.

I bet some of you look at sports players and coaches and managers and talk shit when they quit. I know I do. Think about that when you feel like giving up on YOUR team.  Also think about do you want to instill that mindset in your kids?

Think about this over the weekend. Quitters suck.  Winners never quit and Quitters never Win. That is true in life, sports, marriage and parenting.

Kiss the Baby



MamaBennie June 24, 2011 at 11:19 AM   Reply to

I agree, that people should work on their problems. Sometimes though a situation is not completely that easy. My dad split w/ all the money when I was 16...with my mother's boss. My whole entire childhood was tense, and my parents either trying to work it out or fighting. It was awful. He was awful to me. I was the child he never wanted. My older sister is 5 years my senior, and would take me out of the house to get away from him. I had never known my parents being actually happy. When he left it was like a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. My parents never worked as a couple (at least as long as I have been alive). There is some good that came out of all of it though, I knew what kind of man I did not want in my life. I knew what kind of life I wanted my children to have. My husband also comes from a severely hostile broken home environment, and we both agreed about what we wanted as a family. Us and our children is our family dynamic, and if others want to be involved that is fine too...but they better not bring their drama into our lives. We are choosing the family in our children's lives, because we don't want them to live like we did.

Scott S. June 24, 2011 at 11:37 AM   Reply to

I can see your point. I could have gone on and on in my post about how i see abuse or cheating as reasons but i would have written a book. you make great points too about finding out what kind of marriage you WANT from all of that. Thanks red hairded lady for stopping by

Erin June 24, 2011 at 12:01 PM   Reply to

This is so true. I was talking about marriage with some cute old ladies at the gym this morning that had been married for over 40 years (not to each other, they have husbands :) They are still so happy and said that marriage only gets better with age. Why would anyone quit? You never know what will happen - and you must have gotten married for SOME reason or another, which I can only hope for most people was love. Have a great weekend! I'll be camping with my husband, and if he can love me smelly and not showering for 2 days "It must be love" :)

Anonymous,  June 24, 2011 at 12:03 PM   Reply to

I love your idealistic optimism. Unfortunately, people change and grow apart. Why should people stay in an unfulfilling, loveless marriage. Say there's no abuse or cheating. Say you've been together for years. The children are grown, you look at each other and realize there's nothing in common left. There are people in the world who can be fulfilling to both individuals if they realize the situation is over. They can go out into the world and find happiness. Or, should they stick around unfulfilled and say, I'm not a quitter? Everything is not as simple as it seems.

In sports and in marriages there are many options that should be available. Should coaches stick around, try to demand pay raises or player changes and get denied? Should the coaches then wait to be fired? That's crazy. This is America and we have options. We don't know every detail of every situation. Coaches should not be judged if they quit a job. People have the right and obligation to pursue their happiness as they see fit. Leave the judgement to the man upstairs.

Scott S. June 24, 2011 at 12:07 PM   Reply to

Erin, that Dru must love you for some reason. I will have to talk to him to find out why at another time. And two old ladies at the gym, that is awesome

Scott S. June 24, 2011 at 12:12 PM   Reply to

veronicafj...I do believe in love and I do know that people grow apart. but too too often people quit without trying. People grow apart, people dont have to have the same things in common to be in love. my wife and i share some things in common and dont at the same time. Far to many people just up and leave without trying. That is where i bring up quitting. IF you try and fail, at least you tried.

In the sports world, coaches and players can be judged. That is what we do. Riggleman, wanted to extend his contract, they didnt want to talk about it yet, so the puss quit. He is a quitter. Petrino is a puss ass quitter. Players quit on teams, they are quitters. Manny Ramirezm up and quit when he got busted, he is a quitter, didnt even try to clean up. just quit. People who quit WITHOUT TRYING get no love.

Penny June 24, 2011 at 12:14 PM   Reply to

I divorced because I should never have gotten married in the first place.

I tried for years and years to make the relationship work, and stupidly thought marriage would make it better, which it didn't. Relationship was ten years long, marriage portion was 9 days less than one full year.

There was pushing, verbal abuse, cheating, drug use, constant arguing, yelling and fighting, one shove while I was pregnant, being choked when my oldest was six months old, something thrown at me when my oldest was 2 or 3, missed me, hit her. More cheating, more fighting, more arguing. I would kick him out, then after a few weeks or a month he swore he would change and oh he's the father of my children, let's try again and the changes would last a month, if that. We even went to counseling.

And I think... all the breaking up and getting back together, I think getting married and then getting an official divorce made it finally, once and for all... final.

I know my kids are better off for it, they don't have to watch us fight anymore. And now I'm in a much better relationship and happy mom = happy kids.

I think you can only give so much before you break, and you can only give so many chances before the chances don't mean anything anymore.

Then my friend divorced her husband after having a wonderful dating relationship and living relationship, after marriage began the regular beatings, multiple black eyes, a fractured cheek bone. Lots of chances, no changes and finally divorce, thank god.

So it definitely depends on the situation here.

Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud June 24, 2011 at 12:34 PM   Reply to

So as I mentioned, I'll post my comment in parts since I went over the character limit. lol Here's part one:

You are absolutely right. Quitters suck.

And so does divorce.

Here's the thing though, sometimes staying together is detrimental to a person's well-being and to a child's development. Sometimes walking away and "quitting" the team is necessary for survival. And that's sad.

When I said "I do" during my first marriage, I meant it with all my heart and I fought til the end. But the lying and cheating became too much. I deserved better and he didn't want to give it to me. In essence, he quitted on me. He quit being faithful. He quit being honest. He quit on me and our 2 very young children.

So I quit too. I walked away after years of trying and I moved on. I became the best mother that I could be, working long hours in the insurance industry to pay $800 per month in childcare costs. It was hard, but I survived. I wiped the tears from children's eyes every night. I held them close as they watched other kids playing with their own fathers at the park. We did our best to move on. And then our 2-year old daughter required surgery. The surgery brought my ex-husband and I back together again. He had changed. I had grown. We were in a different place and we fell in love. Again.

So we said "I do". Again.

So we did everything we could to live out our "happily ever after". We even had another child, our 3rd. And 2 years later the lying and cheating returned, but this time they had a couple of companions: physical and verbal abuse (toward me, not our children). He quit on me, again. But I didn't want to quit on him. I wanted to believe that he could change. I didn't want to wipe the tears from my children's eyes again. I didn't want to watch them hurt. Again.

But then I realized that they were already hurting.

They were watching it all unfold; the abuse, the lies, the cheating. I was their living, breathing example of a wife and mother and I was sitting there taking it all, letting the lying and cheating and abuse continue. I was hurting them just as much as he was hurting me and it needed to stop.

So I quit. I walked away and vowed never to return again. And it hurt.


Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud June 24, 2011 at 12:34 PM   Reply to

Continued... Part two:

I sucked up my pride and went on welfare since he closed our account and ran away with the only money we had. I went to the food bank to put food in our cupboards. I cleaned other people's homes so that I could provide for my children and still be home when they got off the school bus each afternoon. I struggled and I cried and they did too.

But my story has a happy ending. I remarried a wonderful man who loves my older children as his own and the feeling is mutual. He has loved, cared for and provided for us and those dark days are over now. Now our life is filled with love and a renewed sense of hope.

But sometimes, there's still a little bit of pain.

I still hurt inside. I hurt for my children who wish their father loved them enough to care. I hurt for my children who have heard his lies time and time again. But mostly, I hurt because he'll never know how amazing our children really are because he chose to quit on us all. I hate that they didn't receive from him the one thing they deserve: his unconditional love. Instead, he just quit them all and they don't deserve that. No child does.

Listen, you don't have to tell me how you abhor abuse and neglect and unfaithfulness. I know where your heart is and I know that you're a devoted husband and father. I wish there were many more men like you in our world, but the fact is there just aren't. Husbands and wives quit each other all the time with their lying, cheating and addictive and abusive behaviors. And it's sad. But sometimes walking away - quitting - is the best thing to do, especially when children are involved.

There's no quitting this time around. There is no walking away. There is no lying, cheating or abuse. Only love and devotion are allowed in this marriage.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on divorce in your unique way. I really enjoyed the way you bridged the world of sports and the dynamics of a team with the family unit and the foundation of marriage. I think you have a great voice, even if you do tell people that they suck. ;)

Scott S. June 24, 2011 at 12:51 PM   Reply to

Penny, I do think that abuse and cheating are two very strong reasons to split and not continue on in a marriage. thank your for sharing your story with me and I appreciate it.

Scott S. June 24, 2011 at 1:02 PM   Reply to

Kristi, jeez. You know, I wanted to make my post alot longer about how abuse and cheating are two ways that I think are ok for a marriage to end. Im at a stand still that you shared all that. T will always say and people know I am a sensitive person, most of the time to much, i believe in love and happiness. I know that things fall apart. You have done a great job in bouncing back and it shows. You are strong and you have a great will that will shine to your kids. I really cant say anything to even come close to all you said. Your kids are very lucky to have you

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