Tuesday, June 14, 2011

You Hit Your Child?

Oh, Im sorry...You SPANK your child you said..Guess what jackass its the same thing.

I am having a huge problem writing this post today.  I have written and deleted and rewritten and re deleted. So I guess I am just going to write whatever and see how it goes.

I am not a fan of the word HATE. But if there is one thing I HATE it is Spanking. Spanking to me is the same as hitting. You may not agree and that is fine, if you want to spank your child go ahead, don't ever do it in front of me or around me and we wont have a problem.

Some parents and people believe that spanking is needed for discipline, to make your kids mind, to do what they are asked. And if a child does something wrong or makes a mistake or messes up then they get a spanking...Really, lets scare the shit out of our kids and let them live in fear.  How about we scare our kids with a hard cold dose of reality.  Hitting your child to prove a point or to make them mind doesn't prepare them for the future. Some of you are probably saying "Yes it does"...Really?  If you are in school and you forget your you get spanked?  If you are at a job and you miss a deadline..Do you get spanked? If your a spouse and you forget to pay a you get spanked?

NO!!!!!!!!  You Spankers believe you are doing your child a favor. That is bullshit. Go ahead and hit your child. What is stopping you from slapping them, pushing them down? You are trying to teach them a lesson, right and wrong, protect them? What? Why are you doing it?

I believe I was spanked maybe a handful of times by my mom and dad and guess what?  I still did shit. Bad things, things that were wrong. Yeah, I drank way too much, I did drugs, I injected steroids, I have even stole some things in my life. But wait I was spanked, shouldn't I do right?  You know I don't remember how many times I was spanked, but you know what I do remember? The times I did something wrong or made a bad choice and my parents sat me down and talked to me about it.  That had more impact on me than a spanking.

Say your child hits a brother, sister, friend that they are playing with..That is not cool, so what are you going to do, spank them?  Hit your child as a way to tell them hitting is wrong. Yeah that makes sense. If your child makes the mistake of touching something hot and burning themselves would you stick the hand back on the hot surface to tell them that was wrong? I don't get people.

I am so against spanking. I just am. I dont see the benefit of HITTING your child. And yes SPANKING is HITTING. Where does it stop?  Are you going to use your hand, belt, a switch? What happens when your child becomes immune to you spanking them? Are you going to step it up and start punching them, whiping them, water boarding them? I mean seriously, hitting is hitting, whether it is with a hand, belt, stick or whatever.

So you beat your kid and I will put mine in time out, do Love and Logic and talk to my children about what they have done and how to fix it and not do it again. 

I always make it know on my blog, in my personal life whatever that I may make a lot of mistakes with my kid...but one thing I will never ever do is put my hands on my kids in a harmful way. 

Instead of spanking, try talking to your kids about what they have done. Try other methods of disciplining your child or children. There are so many other alternatives to HITTING them. Time outs, talking, Love and Logic, I mean if you are a spanker and you take the time to do some research you might find other ways deal with your kids.

I could go on and on and on about this but I am leaving like this. I feel like this post is somewhat incomplete, but my mind is scattered right now over this.

Im sure I will have more to say as the comments pour in...agree or not..Do what you do.

Kiss The Baby



Unknown June 14, 2011 at 12:39 PM   Reply to

While I agree with you, and I personally don't spank, I didn't like the "don't ever do it in front of me or around me and we wont have a problem" quote.

Every parent has their own method, and they have every right to do what's best, within the law. As long as spanking is not illegal, spankers can spank. I don't agree with it, you don't agree with it, but you and I aren't in a position to tell other people how to raise their child.

Take the breastfeeding stance. My opinion differed from yours, and that's ok. But if I'm out in public, and you came up to me, ripping my parenting skills, there'd be a problem. Just like if I did it to you.

There. My two cents. Let's get this debate rolling. :D

Penny June 14, 2011 at 12:46 PM   Reply to

This is one of those topics where a lot of different people will have a lot of strong opinions on either side.

So I'm just gonna leave at: I think there is a difference between spanking and hitting and punching and kicking and slapping.

And by the way... look at me finally able to comment on your blog!!! Sweeeet!

Scott S. June 14, 2011 at 12:50 PM   Reply to

If you are at my house and you spank, I am asking you to leave. I understand what you are saying I believe their is a difference in you being grossd out by a breastfeeding mom and a parent harming their child and I feel hitting(spanking) is harmful. I am going to ask your child if he or she is ok and if mommy and daddy is hurting you.

Penny June 14, 2011 at 2:18 PM   Reply to

I think asking a child if their mom/dad is hurting them after they get a spanking is going a little too far. I could see stepping in if you saw a parent flat out abuse their child, but interfering the way you described in your comment is just a bit much...

Penny June 14, 2011 at 2:20 PM   Reply to

Although asking a family to leave your home if you witness a spanking, I think, is perfectly acceptable.

Scott S. June 14, 2011 at 2:22 PM   Reply to

My point is that I think hitting your child is wrong. Would you try to say something to a person that is verbally abusing their child? I would. Shows like "What would you do" show that it is ok to try and say something just in case. I belive spanking is hitting and hitting is abuse. But that is just me. Where does it end

Ana June 14, 2011 at 2:36 PM   Reply to

I agree!

I was spanked as a child and never thought it was effective. It teaches fear to get caught, not a want to do good.

I know my parents were never meaning to be abusive, and they thought it was proper parenting but it always struck me as wrong. I made up my mind not to spank before I had kids and was frustrated by how hard it was to fight the impulse to spank my first born.

I will not lie, I have spanked my daughter and have had to tell her I was wrong to do it. I try everyday to not give in, be proactive in guidance and be the model of behaviors I wish to see. It is something I get better at every day and I hope others can start breaking the spanking habit too!

Dana K June 14, 2011 at 2:48 PM   Reply to

I can see why this post was tough to finish and I think you did a great job.

I agree with you about spanking = hitting. I run more towards the center when it comes to whether or not parents who spank abuse their kids.

Spanking was effective for me when it was used. I wasn't traumatized by it nor do I consider myself abused. However, the thought of hitting my child makes me physically ill. I also don't jump to the conclusion that since I wasn't harmed by spanking, no child is harmed by spanking.

I don't think you are out of line with how you would react in your home. You are very against spanking and my guess is that anyone you know well enough to have in your home would be aware of this fact. They should behave accordingly.

I'm not going to openly breastfeed in a friend's home if they are uncomfortable with it. People who spank should show the same respect to homes where spanking is not condoned.

Q June 14, 2011 at 11:11 PM   Reply to

I agree w/Idaho 100%. I don't have kids, but I'm not opposed to spanking. I don't think it's any worse than someone who may verbally assault their child, but never physically touch them. Some people over do things and they're the ones that make it harder for everyone. Spanking is not about instilling fear, it's about getting the child's attention. If there is spanking without an explanation, then yeah, the kid may grow up with a warped sense of how to resolve conflicts. But, if there is an explanation on why it was done, then it can make a huge difference. I'm a living example of it. And like Idaho said, it's a preference. If not spanking works for one person, then that's great. But, if someone has a different opinion, then who am I to say anything about it? (if it's not blatant abuse)

christopher (twistedxtian) June 14, 2011 at 11:51 PM   Reply to

This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. I'm in the minority of people that were spanked growing up and I look back and see that it was an effective form of discipline for me. Then again, in the same household my brothers were spanked and it wasn't an effective form of discipline. So I understand that it can be effective, but also that those cases are very much the exception.

I won't be spanking my children, but understand folks that do. I don't equate it with abuse (though it can be, and often is, and this is where I have a problem with it).

Scott S. June 15, 2011 at 7:25 AM   Reply to

Q, there are other ways to get your childs attention then to hit them. Hitting your child for any reason is wrong. Why would a parent want to put hands on a child in any form of anger. Spanking is out of anger. A parent is not happy when they spank a child. No laughing, no smiles. And yes Verbal Assualting is just as bad if not worse in cases, that is not what this was about. I can do a post on that too and people will cry and complain as well...I believe spanking is hitting

Scott S. June 15, 2011 at 8:42 AM   Reply to

I think I say what I feel and what i believe. I speak from my heart. I think you are the same way too, right. I also know that parents do stuff differnts way and im fine with that, spanking being the same as hitting in my opinion

Penny June 15, 2011 at 9:23 AM   Reply to

I think you should do a post on your list of what you consider abuse. Not just spanking, but other things too, like is it abuse not to get your child immunized? {I don't think it is, personally I never wanted my kids to get the varicella vaccine, but then it became law so I had no choice}

Or to pierce a child's ears before they are old enough to make that decision for themselves? It's painful and it's permanent. {personally I don't think you should pierce a child's ear until they can decide if that's what they want}

Homeschooling vs public schooling? Some might argue that a parent is not a trained teacher and therefore the education is not as good, while others would argue the education is better because it is one on one.

What you do or don't feed your children could also be considered abuse depending on your views. I'm not just talking McDonald's or BK either, I'm talking pretty much anything you purchase in the store, most of it is processed and not healthy.

There is smoking in a child's presence can be considered abuse or not, drinking alcohol, allowing a child to see their parent drinking alcohol also could be considered a form of abuse.

Anything can go either way, it just depends on how you look at it.

Wendy June 16, 2011 at 12:48 PM   Reply to

@Penny...what a great way to look at it. No matter what you say, parenting is different for everyone. There is a difference between spanking & abuse. I'm married to a police officer, he has even said it...but seriously, there is an extremely thin line & very easily crossed. I swore I would never spank my child, I remember the first time I swatted one time on his bottom & the look he gave me. I felt 2 inches tall. I agree with Daddy that you have to use communication, but I agree with others who say spanking mixed with communication is equally effective. I was never spanked, but my brothers were. Talking to me was more effective...or I should say tortureous! It really depends on the child's personality what is going to work. Ok. I'm not expert on parenting, but none of us are. You really have to know what works for you and know the limitations. I love how Penny put it there is all sorts of abuse, mental, physical, psychological, emotional, physical...where is the limitations. What you may consider harmless, another may consider down right harmful to the growth and development of your child. Very interesting to read and to read the comments that followed.

Christi June 21, 2011 at 8:28 AM   Reply to

I agree..spanking only shows violence to kids

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