Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The History of Thanksgiving.....Then and Now....The Truth!

You want the truth?  You can't handle the truth!

Way back in the day, when we had Pilgrims and all, stuff was different. Im not going to go into too much history but lets just say that it went down like this.

The men gathered in groups and went hunting and rounded up the food while the women stayed at camp and got the other foods ready and took care of the kids and talked about how great their men were for bringing back massive dead animals over their shoulders and roasting them over a huge fire pit.  As the men ate big ass turkey legs, the women breastfed and gazed at their husbands as meat juice dripped down off their chins.

After the meals were done, children and men played games while women cleaned and got the camps ready for bedtime and waited for the men to make love to them. (Ok, Im just guessing that is how that happened)  Sitting around the fire, men talked shit about the wives and dreamed about days when life would be better...And life did get better..Much better...for everyone.

Now after all these years and history behind us, we realize just how much things have changed.

Most women go out and get the food for the feast, simply because guys are dumbass' and we don't know what to buy. "You bought the wrong this and that"  Women now gather the goodies while us men stay at home with the kids.  Depending on what you are cooking, determines now who cooks.  I think this is split down the middle.  Wives may do the inside cooking while men grill.  Like me, I will throw a couple birds on the grill, now while this is happening, women most likely are telling each other how lazy we are.  Now during the meal, the wives more than the men I think get the kids plates ready...again for the reason that us guys don't have a clue as to what our kids eat. Now when us guys are chowing down and belching and acting foolish with juice dripping off our chins, the women are telling each other how nasty we are.

After the meal is complete and most men are trying to watch more football and pass out from food coma on the couch, we believe that the ladies will clean up and let us off the hook. Again the ladies are whispering "My husband is getting NONE tonight, since his lazy ass cant help" and we think all is fine and well.   Just as we think we are scott free, a babies ass hits us in the face and the smell of shit makes us throw up a little in our mouths. "Diaper Change honey!"

The final difference is that when our fat asses usually get up and play outside, maybe some football, some hunting or whatever, the wives sit and sip the coffee or wine or stronger drinks and laugh at our old fat ass selves, and talk about how the babies are growing so fast. Pump the brakes......."Honey, you can either wake your ass up at 2am to go with me or you can stay home with the kids"...A Black Friday statement that is heard across the country. Which one is worse?

So basically what I am saying here is that way way back in the day, us big bad ass men used to run the show and call the shots on this great grand Day of Thanks, but now....We are just a bunch of bitches.  That's right, bitches.  So guys, you may be saying right now "This dude has no clue, I got my lady on point and I run this game"....yeah, remember that when your tired ass wife is sleeping and your not getting any and I am cleaning the kitchen and my wife is telling me "You are gonna get some tonight"

Kiss the Baby



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