Friday, January 20, 2012

Getting Back To Normal

Man, what a wild two weeks it has been.

 From starting the previous week in pain and ending up in the hospital on Wednesday and surgery on Thursday then having a stent in me until this past Wednesday and then feeling like shit the past two days, it has just been a long two weeks.

Aside from the pain in my kidneys and the obvious pain from the stent, I dealt with the nasty feelings from being on all the medication.  I hate being in pain but I hate being on pills too.

If I was strong enough to get by the pain without the pills, trust me I would. If I even thought I could handle the pain, I would try. I'm struggling with the pills because of the past addiction I had to pills.  Pain pills to be exact.  Right now I'm taking the Antibiotic, the Vicodin, the pill that makes my pee not hurt?, I have another pain pill Toradol with anti-inflamatory, and they are making me better or worse?  I don't know. The Toradol makes me feel so out of it and I just fall asleep. The Vicodin makes me want to throw up.  The red pee pee easy pill, I don't know what it does.  The antibiotic I don't know either. 

How in the world did I ever just take this shit for fun? And still get shit done?  I have no clue.  I was younger but still, taking pills all day and even then drinking with them, I was such a dumbass.  No, I'm taking them and they are making me feel shitty when they are suppose to be helping me get through my painful time. Yeah right. I tried taking Advil yesterday and I was still in some pain. I tried eating with them and I still wanted to vomit everywhere.  I drank tons of water and still felt like I was going to fall asleep at my desk.

I am so ready to get past this shit and get back to myself. Being a doped up dad does not work for me. These pills that I took and ate like candy so many years ago are probably part of the problem.  I know how easy it is for people to get hooked, but I quit cold turkey too, so I know how easy it is for people to quit too.

I know that sometimes pain meds are needed, and I know that sometimes people use that as an excuse.

The one thing that I do know is that for the past two weeks of being on pain meds and getting shots could have easily been an open door for me to get hooked again. But what I know more than that, I have a great family support system and I see five reasons every morning and every night to not even think about doing something stupid like that. T and the 4 C's. 

So this weekend its about being back to normal. Being the husband and daddy that I normally am.

Kiss the baby



Brad Jenkins January 20, 2012 at 11:46 AM   Reply to

I'm right there with you on pills - not a past addiction, but the desire not to take them. I love reading your stuff as I can relate to a lot of it. It also reminds me of shit I haven't thought about in years, so again, you've inspired me to write about a topic. Look for it in the next few days.

Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous,  January 21, 2012 at 4:37 PM   Reply to

Clean is expensive, addiction costs more. Stay honest and go one day at a time.

You are your family's hero.

Mark L.

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