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Monday, January 16, 2012

I know it was only Kidney Stones but I was thinking Death.

Wow this last week was a crazy week. And that probably understates its.

If you saw me and asked me Thursday just before noon, I would would have probably said "Yes, I am going to die" concerning my surgery. Thank God, no one asked me that. I was crying buckets around that time anyways.

From starting a Sunday thinking you have a stomach bug to laying in a hospital bed Wednesday night waiting for your Thursday surgery so many things can run in a head. And so many things did run marathons in my head.

The two things that hit me the hardest were,  I'm so lucky to have T here with me this visit to the ER and for my surgery. And then, T is not with the kids. I was so worried about the kids.

Was I going to die? Shit, I was thinking it. I'm not the most positive person and being in that position doesn't help any.

Money was a factor. Not having any insurance makes it hard to sit in a hospital and wonder if you are going to be OK and how much all of this is going to cost.

The actual surgery was bothering me. Knowing that things were going in and out of MY things didn't make me feel that great and knowing that a stent would be up inside of me until Wednesday makes me nervous too.

I know that I cried so much in my trip to the hospital. I am so glad that T was there with me. I was having breakdown after breakdown.  I don't know what was harder for me, wishing that T was with me the whole time and the kids being without her, or being there alone at night by myself.  I am a selfish person by nature and I wanted her there, but I wanted her to be with the kids too. It was hard. But, it worked out and she was with me until they took me back and then all I can remember was waking up in recovery ready to get to my room and feeling like I had to pee.

I had no contacts in my eyes and no wedding band on my finger but when I was being wheeled back to my room all I could see as I got closer and closer was the beautiful face of my T. She was there waiting for me and that was the best thing in the world.

I was so ready to get out of there and go see the kids and get home. I drank water like it was the last drops on Earth. "You have to pee before you can leave"...those are the words that you hear when you get back to your room. So the race was on to pee. Pee'ing and eating and the wires coming out of my PO-DO tool were the only thing on my mind.

Seeing the kids was so awesome. Hard getting them not to attack me, but I loved the hugs. That was so great to see the C's. I missed them. Hard to imagine how you can miss your kids for two days until you actually miss them for two days.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday while the days seemed to go by slow since I was doing nothing, they actually went by fast. I was taken care of by the best wife in the world. She did everything for me this weekend. She did so much that last night as it was time for bed and she was falling asleep, I was nervous because I didn't know if I had done or taken everything I needed to.

So sad but true how sometimes we don't realize exactly how much our wives do for us.

Kiss the baby

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5 comments:

Erin January 16, 2012 at 4:26 PM   Reply to

So glad to hear that you are still alive!!! Thinking good thoughts for you and the family.

Andrea January 17, 2012 at 2:43 PM   Reply to

Glad you're up and about!! and yes it SO sad but SO true...you guys don't realize all that we do for you!

Kidney Stones women April 16, 2012 at 11:23 AM   Reply to

Really glad to see that you're living a healthy life.

kim@ kidney stone diet June 23, 2012 at 8:16 AM   Reply to

Really happy to see you alive and hope to live long.

Alison,  August 3, 2012 at 6:17 AM   Reply to

It's great to see you very happy after severe pain. I hope that my husband could get rid of his disease which is bring severe pain for both. We consulted with medsempire amena and hope to get our happiness as well as you got.

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