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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding...Why the Public is scared of one and Not the Other

I am a breastfeeding dad.  Yeah, I know sounds dirty and nasty but what I mean by saying that I am a "Breastfeeding Dad" is that I support the act and the art of breastfeeding 100%.  I support the act and the art of breastfeeding in public 110%.  So many post have been written by moms, dads, myself included about breastfeeding.  So many post have been written in support of this and so many have been written about the support of doing it in public. Some people seem to want to voice their opinion on breastfeeding in pubic and how they seem to find it...well, there are so many ways to describe how some of the haters and detractors feel about it, I don't think I could list them all. You can go to blogs, fakebook, twitter and just see the overwhelming number of people that love it and the overwhelming number of people that don't.

Years ago before I actually did a little maturing I would bash the women that formula fed by saying how bad it was and I was really talking out of my ass and not really using any knowledge of situations and or reasoning behind a woman's decision not to breastfeed and to bottle feed. I have grown and I now understand that while I do truly believe that breast is best, some moms just have to do what they have to do.  I may bash parents on some parenting skills or parenting decisions but how you feed you baby whether it's breast or formula is not one of them.

He is where I start to get a little pissed about some things. These thoughts are my opinions and you may agree or you may not agree. I understand. You can call me names, say bad things to me, unfollow me, whatever but I am speaking from the heart being a dad that loves the fact that my wife has breastfed all four C's and has done so in public and is still breastfeeding a two and a half year old in C4.

I have already stated before that SOME women get blasted by SOME people for breastfeeding in public.  I know that there are some moms that formula feed that get looked down on by the breastfeeding moms.  I am not trying to make this a battle of the moms and how they choose to feed their babies, but what I am trying to point out is that I believe (notice I said I) that only one of these groups gets harassed, abused, verbally assaulted, jabbed in the media, looked at wrongly, and have things said about them in the social media in a negative way, and it's not the group that formula feeds.

I have never seen or heard of a parent that is formula feeding their baby and had something said to them.  I have never heard of them being asked to move or cover up.  I have never heard of Target asking a parent feeding their baby with a bottle to go into a changing room or restroom.  I have never heard of citizens being so offended by parents formula feeding a child.  I haven't seen (and I could be wrong) tweets from people talking badly about parents formula feeding in the food court of a mall.  I mean I could go on and on about why I personally don't like formula. I think formula smells.  You have to warm it up before you give it to the child.  Some of it has been recalled.  I could bring up facts that show formula feeding your child doesn't make them as healthy as breastfeeding does.  Some hospitals push formula instead of pushing breastfeeding.  Some much can be said for reasons to do either. But when being done in public only one group gets slammed.  And I think that's right.  Neither group needs to be slammed.

I just don't get it.  I 100% believe that breast is best, but with that being said, if a parent is going to formula feed fine, a baby has to eat no matter what. But I feel (Again I said I) that formula feeding parents get a pass in the public as to where breastfeeding moms don't.

This is the shit that pisses me off.  And I also believe that parents need to stick together and support each other no matter how the child is fed.


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13 comments:

GypsyFox February 1, 2012 at 1:13 PM   Reply to

Wow what a great post!! I agree with you 100% I breastfed all 3 of my kids & agree that breast is best..the only time I have a problem with women who feed their babies formula is for selfish reasons such as "I don't want to ruin my breasts or I want to be able to drink..etc" other than that we should support each other.

Daddy's in Charge? February 1, 2012 at 2:52 PM   Reply to

You know how I feel about this... I don't care if the child is breast fed or formula fed, but if the mother has to feed her child in public please don't give the breastfeeding mother a hard time with nasty looks and comments. Breastfeeding is hard enough on the mother that she doesn't need to deal with that. You can read more of my thoughts here:

http://www.daddysincharge.com/2012/01/my-boys-will-be-boob-men.html

Christina February 1, 2012 at 5:10 PM   Reply to

I agree with your points. Babies need to live and Moms sometimes have to shop, eat, have a coffee, etc in PUBLIC! There is no need in these days to be bashing grown women for breastfeeding. Women have been feeding their children this way for many many years. That's how we all have got here today.

TheGasFamily February 1, 2012 at 8:20 PM   Reply to

Great post! I tried to breastfeed one, (very little milk was produced, and my daughter was needing to eat), and did bf my second. I didnt bf in public because I wasn't comfortable. But, would never judge or disapprove somebody who did. Bf is hard, we sure as hell shouldn't give moms any crap about it. But, I also believe that if you choose to bottle, you shouldnt be given shit about that either.

Anna February 1, 2012 at 9:14 PM   Reply to

It's so unfortunate that breastfeeding is simply not viewed as normal. Breastfeeding in public is one of the best things we can do to change this.

Kieran's Girl Human February 2, 2012 at 9:59 AM   Reply to

Really? Because I was a formula feeding mother after breast feeding failed and I got quite a LOT of comments, remarks and tsk-tsk when other mamas saw me with a bottle. Shame. Don't make your camp seem put-upon... parenting is difficult for everyone of all paths and we would all be better served focusing on our children as opposed to the ever present (and oh-so-unwanted) opinions of others.

This Daddy February 2, 2012 at 10:34 AM   Reply to

@Kierans Girl Human, maybe you need to come back and read this again. I stated that I DO KNOW THAT Fomrula parents get and got nasty comments. I dont make my camp seem put - upon. I am not talking about putting BF'ing moms vs. formula parents. Im talking about the useless nimrods out there that dont have kids, the young population that want to make comments like "Yuck a woman is breastfeeding in church or on the bus" Those same small minded people wouldnt say "Oh gross, that woman is giving her baby formula"

Im not an idiot. I know that bf'ing moms and formula parents have this ongoing battle to which is better for them. Re Read the post and see that I am supporting the STOPPING of bashing all of it all together and that the kidless general public does not say the same thing about formula parents that they do about bf'ing mom.

Penny February 2, 2012 at 12:23 PM   Reply to

@Kierans Girl Human as a formula feeding mom (bc I failed, I admit)I found yes people asked me why am I not breastfeeding, but I was never EVER asked to LEAVE a public place because I was feeding my kid. I think that's more what this is about.

It's about bullying both for their decisions but some people feel very strongly, and I agree, that it is wrong to ask a woman feeding her child to leave a park, a courthouse, a restuarant <-- I have respelled that FOUR TIMES and I still can't get it right... lol, etc.

irishtwinsmommababybook February 2, 2012 at 11:33 PM   Reply to

What we should also remember is how hard BF'ing is for some babies/mommies with preemies, lack of supply, etc.

It's tough! Parenting is a constant battle with each other and ourselves.

Shannon & Chris February 3, 2012 at 8:25 AM   Reply to

I could not agree more with this!! I am currently breast feeding my 2nd child- a 3 month old. I am continuously amazed at the ignorant people in this world that think breastfeeding is inappropriate or gross. Would it be more acceptable if I let my child suck milk from the nipple of a cow?? Why is it ok for animals to feed their young this way, but not for humans?? What is wrong with our society? Thanks for being an outspoken dad on this subject.

The Fearless Formula Feeder February 3, 2012 at 4:25 PM   Reply to

I appreciate what you are saying, and I also really appreciate your making a point of stating that this shouldn't be about "mom vs mom". However, I do think it depends on the area of the country you live in, and the Twitter feeds you follow. While I agree that ignorant (usually childless, as you so wisely specified in another comment on this thread) a-holes say a lot of stupid things to breastfeeding moms - and this is completely insane and inexcusable - I also think formula feeding mothers get their fair share of abuse; we get it from medical professionals, the media (I am honestly confused on how you could think that the mainstream media beats up on breastfeeding moms, when my Google search engine feeds me every infant-feeding related article that comes up internationally and 99% of them talk about how superior breastfeeding and breastfeeding moms are to formula/formula feeding moms), and the "Mommy Elite" who rule the blogosphere and parenting media. I am certainly not belittling your feelings; I'm sure you are basing them on your individual experience, as I am basing mine or my own experience.

I think this is where we all go wrong, though... until you've walked in someone else's shoes, you don't know how uncomfortable those shoes are. And I know you say that you really didn't want this to turn into a breast vs bottle battle, but unfortunately, any time you compare breastfeeding moms to formula feeding moms it does feel a bit like "us against them". I think in general, the world is just not baby-friendly, and I wish we could leave it at that and stop trying to figure out who has it worse, you know?

Mollie December 9, 2012 at 11:15 PM   Reply to

I care now other people's babies are fed....it's my son who is likely going to marry a bottle fed...bottle feeding woman. That is something I would be very concerned about. I only hope I can support my daughter enough that she is able to have the confidence to breast feed and is selfless enough to do what is necessary to be successful. If I raise a child that gives up after a week,for any reason...I have done a crappy job as a parent...what else will she give up on !!!!!

Mollie December 9, 2012 at 11:16 PM   Reply to

I care now other people's babies are fed....it's my son who is likely going to marry a bottle fed...bottle feeding woman. That is something I would be very concerned about. I only hope I can support my daughter enough that she is able to have the confidence to breast feed and is selfless enough to do what is necessary to be successful. If I raise a child that gives up after a week,for any reason...I have done a crappy job as a parent...what else will she give up on !!!!!

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