Monday, October 1, 2012

Attachment Parenting....It All Starts With Pee On A Stick

That's right I said it.....It Starts with Pee On A Stick.

So if you read my post last week about my online encounter with Jamie She Had Me At......... then you knew what was coming. I am going to take some time and write about my own personal experiences and stuff that I did during T's pregnancy, birth and the short time after that in hopes that new fathers and just men / dads in general can feel better about this thing that has recently blown up in the media called Attachment Parenting (AP - for short).

Attachment Parenting as defined by Wikipedia was a term laid out there by Dr. William Sears. Fact of the matter is that I believe moms have been doing this since the beginning of time. Look back in history and you will see examples of this, it was just never given a label. Read that link above from Wiki and you will see that everything it mentions can be done by both parents but when discussed by the general public it usually only includes the moms. And just so you know all of this begins that minute you find out you are having a baby.

 Guys, do you remember when that love of your life came to you and told you she was pregnant? I do. I can remember everything about it. It was awesome. And from that very minute I had the mindset that I had to step up my game and be a better husband because I was going to be a father. At this point some guys think that there isn't a whole lot they can do except absorb the endless hours of shopping, eating, cravings, and bitching and moaning that will come with the wife being pregnant. I'm here to tell you that if a guy is thinking like that and tries to just coast through those months then he is in for a long long road ahead.

In my opinion Attachment Parenting starts with Attachment Husbanding. Is this really a word? It is now. Being a husband is hard work, but its work that is worth it. When you take this journey with your wife you are in for some tough decisions, but you have to remember that your wife comes first. She has her friends and support but what she really wants is you, her man. Attachment Husbanding in my opinion means you are going to show and express a different kind of love to her than you have in the past. You are going to talk to her differently, hold her differently and act towards her differently. Endless hours of rubbing her feet, her back. Oh my god, I have logged so many hours of foot rubbing that I should be a professional massage therapist. Its going to be hard. Trust me, I have done this four times. People, friends, and family will talk about how you have changed and how you are different now, but all you have to remember is that you are showing that one special person a true, soft, special kind of love. When you think of caring about a child and how delicate that is, the same is true for a woman. T is a strong willed, hard core woman. She is out spoken, tough, and has that "I'm a winner attitude" but I also know that she has soft, gentle, kind emotions too and during pregnancy I had to make sure I paid attention to those as well. So guys, its going to be a long road, don't make it any harder for either of you than it has to be. It may sound silly but you can be a strong, tough, kick ass man and still be an Attachment Husband. Its all about the love you give and how you treat your woman.

Now that you have made it through all of those crazy months and moments where you hid in the garage or bathroom and wished it was all over, you are in a labor and delivery room. I hate hospitals. They smell, people are nasty..etc.. But you are there and your wife is probably not feeling too good YET. I say yet because until she either gets or does not get that epidural she is going to be, well lets just say uncomfortable. Yeah, lets use that word. I would say Bitchy but I know too many women and love having my manhood connected to me. Something that I told my friend Michael who just became a father was "Stay in Control." I mean don't get nervous. So much will be going on and you have to be calm so your wife will stay calm. This is another area in which being an gentle husband will pay off. Let your wife be moody, let her vent, she is about to have a baby.

As your wife lays in that stiff bed you are going to be saying to yourself "What in the hell can I do?" Here is my advice...DO WHATEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS YOU TO DO! Like I said, T and I have been through this four times and each was different. With C1, we had a novel for a birth plan. Packed up like 5 bags. Didn't do half of what we talked about. Each time we took less and the birth plan was not as thick. Its kind of funny looking back on it all. But guys, you need to remember that YOU are the only one that knows what your wife wants. Rub her hands, her legs, get that cool wash cloth for her head. Just be there for her. Friends and family are all fine and well but what your wife really wants is the man that did this to, to be next to her.

Remember you are about to be a parent. If you are choosing to raise your child in an "AP" lifestyle then you need to make sure you also treat your wife with gentle love and care also. Being a Attachment Husband doesn't mean you are a "Helicopter Husband", it just means you are showing a deeper, special kind of love.

Guys you have the rest of your life to be a jerk to your wife, don't do it during pregnancy and birth.

Go check out Jamie Lynne Grumet over at I Am Not The BabySitter. This series of posts were inspired through my talks with her.

Come back......there will be more.

 Kiss The Baby



Merrie October 4, 2012 at 6:22 PM   Reply to

So do you have any brothers? ;)

Wonderful post -- truly, what every guy should know. It's appreciated, I can tell you that. To have someone strong and loving and kind in our corner when we're the most out of our comfort zone is huge. T is blessed to have you.

Scott S. October 5, 2012 at 11:54 AM   Reply to

HAHA, Thanks Merrie. No I dont have any brothers except T's and he is in high school. I do know lots of great guys though. I think if guys just took the time to understand women better and not try to act like hard asses all the time we might be better off. And besides if I wasnt in T's corner, she would kick my ass. lol

Anonymous,  October 15, 2012 at 11:06 PM   Reply to

Yeah Man, do something for your wife. Anything: open doors, wash the dishes, hugs, make coffee, give her quiet time...

It's not that hard and it's always worth it!

Mark L.

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