Friday, October 12, 2012

Coaching and Parenting is the same

I know I do it all the time but here is another post in which I use sports and life to make a point and teach you all something.

Remember when Oklahoma State Football Coach went on his rant and screamed "I'm A Man I'm 40!" ?  Well I'm a man and I'm also 40.  I have been around the block a time or two or twelve.  From what I remember pretty much being born and raised by a single mom along with my Grandparents until I was 10.  Becoming a Military child I have been around and seen so much. The good, the bad and the ugly.  I have also done the good, the bad and the ugly.  Stolen things, drugs, alcohol, steroids, I have pretty much done most out there that can be done.  None of that stuff worked for me. If you are smart and things are not working for you, what do you do?  YOU CHANGE!

That is my point today.  I am making this point because this is a rule that I have learned to live by.  In life, in marriage and in parenting.  If you do something over and over and over and you are not getting the results you are looking for, then why keep doing the same thing?  Changes have to be made.  If you don't make those changes then you are going to do a number of things that will bring down you, those close to you, those around you and that village of people that are depending on you.

True Story.  When I was a heavy drinker I was killing my marriage and mentally hurting my children by not being the best dad I could be.  I changed what I was doing.  I stopped drinking completely.  When I was being a jerk to my wife and kids and not having patience with them, I changed.  I educated myself on how to handle things differently.  Those things were not working, I changed them and things are better.

Some people want to cloud their thoughts and think I don't know much about sports but growing up and all my life I have played sports.  I have played a lot of sports.  Multiple sports in fact.  Football, basketball, tennis, tried track, soccer and during these time and living in some of the places we lived and going to schools I went to I had the chance, well really the privilege to meet and play against and with some great players.  I have also met over the years some really great coaches.  I can remember playing basketball in Va. with Ralph Sampson.  An Army officer named Mike that worked for my dad took me to play with him and some other big names hoops stars.  That was when I was young.  What I remember most about those people I met when I was young was how they taught the game.  Its all about how the game is taught and how your life can be reflected by that.

Fast forward to college years.  While living in Kansas, I had the pleasure to meet two coaches that made great impressions on me.  Marty Schottenheimer (whose daughter was married to a military man that lived above my parents on base) and he was so mild mannered. And perhaps my favorite of all time Roy Williams the now UNC Coach who was then at University of Kansas.  Great teacher.

Now as an adult living in Houston is where i really came across so many athletes and coaches and this is when I really became a student of sports, not just basketball, but all sports.  I started to learn what it was like to teach people and now I can see how that has helped me with my own wife and kids.  I played a pick up game one time with Robert Horry and I was a baller, but not that good.  At first he would talk shit to me, yell at me and almost talk down to me while playing.  Then after a game, he pulled me aside and asked me how all of that felt?  I told him it sucked.  Being verbally beaten down while playing took my mind off task and shook me up.  I didn't respond to that well.  He then told me he saw me earlier yelling at a different teammate and that might have been why he didn't play well.  Robert Horry a big time Champ with the Rockets then sat me there and talked to me and told me that when speaking softly your teammates and players have to listen.  He told me that Rockets Coach Rudy T. never ever yelled at them in practice or games.   That is the same advice that I offer to you when dealing with your kids. 

When yelling at kids, they often shut down or other emotions take over those listening skills.  Raising your kids is like coaching.  When it isn't working for you one way, change it up and try something new.  Tony Dungy never yelled at his NFL players and they were winners.  A team I cant stand and love to hate UGA's Mark Richt doesn't yell at his players and they are winners.  Its all about teaching.  It is easier to learn when you are talked to, not yelled at.

Most all successful coaches are not screamers.  I could list you a million of em.  And they are probably good parents as well.

That is why in my personal life I make an effort daily to not yell at the kids and if something isn't working I change it up. 

Just some food for thought.

Sports Picks for you sports fans

Texas will cover the +3 and actually beat Oklahoma
South Carolina will cover the +2.5 and beat LSU

Green Bay will cover the +3.5 and knock off Houston
Atlanta going into the bye week will destroy Oakland and cover the 9

Kiss The Baby



Anonymous,  October 15, 2012 at 11:00 PM   Reply to

You're are one of a few men I respect as a Dad. When you're wrong, you admit it and you make it right. THIS is why your kids are happy and will create happy marriages for themselves.

Keep the posts coming, some of us are still listening, and have been for years.

Mark L.

ハワイアンインテリア October 20, 2012 at 12:58 PM   Reply to


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