Monday, December 24, 2012

Twas The Night Before Christmas and Im Not Getting

Its Christmas Eve.  Are you ready?

Now that doesn't really matter does it?!  You better be ready and you will be ready by the time the kids fall asleep in their beds.

When does all the magic happen?  Well tonight.

Twas the Night Before Christmas and all through the house
T was walking around in nothing but her blouse. (Does she even own a blouse?)
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
Damn that ass of hers looks good and oh my its bare.

The 4 C's were nestled all snug in their beds
At this point I was hoping for some......Nah..too
And mama in her kerchief and I in my cap...(We don't wear that shit to bed)
What do I have to do to get this wife of mine on my lap?

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
My pants were growing now and T said "Whats the matter?"
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Think I might get me some if I offered her cash (nope, not her style)

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Damn honey I love you so much don't you know!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
T said "Talking that shit still wont get you any...DEAR!"

With a little old driver so lively and quick
I was not thinking with my brain and instead with my ....(you know)
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came
T said "You will sleep on the floor you keep calling my name"

Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen
On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall
Honey look at this, look at what I just saw

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
If I don't get some loving tonight I may just die
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
T announces "I have had just about enough of you"

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
T tells me Im acting like a goof
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Im thinking Im about to get my Magic Mike on and get down
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
I have no idea of any good words to rhyme with
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
I know that if I nag her too much T will kick me in my sac...
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
I wanted to smack her on her ass and make it red like a cherry
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
T tells me "You are getting on my last nerve ya know"

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
I think she might try to choke me with the wreath
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
Better get your ass to the gym and workout she tells me
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
You have as much chance of getting any as the Elf on the Shelf
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Again she tells me that I am not getting any .......(shhh, too dirty)
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
I may be going in the bathroom to give myself ...(oh boy)
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
Why yes dear between my legs is some Mistletoe
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
This thing in my shorts can be considered a missile
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and Scott you didn't get any tonight"


Hope you all enjoyed my little crazy mind.

Kiss The Baby



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