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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I dont know what I am saying.

Is it a sign of getting older that when you are asked "What do you want for Christmas" you have no idea of what the hell to say?

That is where I'm at now.  I have no clue what to say.  I have everything I need..Except the winning lotto numbers and that isn't a gift. That is luck. Anyways.  I have a great wife, 4 healthy happy wonderful kids, parents that love us, a mother in law that I get along with, I mean what else is there?

All the other stuff is materialistic.  Sure I have wants. I have lots of wants.  I have needs too.  But no gift is a need.

I love that T can bust my balls for things and she can say whats on her mind and she puts me right back in my place.  I love that I respect my wife so much that I don't dare test her and I know how to make her happy.  I think.  Honey do I make you happy..lol

My kids are all so awesome.  I love that they are all so different.  They are smart, creative, sociable and funny.  They are there for me and they all come to me when they need something.

I have a job I hate.  And when I say hate. I mean hate.  But this will just make the next place I land that much better and I will appreciate good people when I get there.  And I will look back on this place and wish them sanity and luck.

I think about life a lot.  Im am such a sensitive asshole.  I let things get to me and I think and over think things way too too much.  I have been thinking about life a lot lately.  Finding a job, maybe leaving our house, moving, starting over, struggling to get back on top.  I know Im not the only one.  It could be worse.  I mean at least Im not in the food line or holding a sandwich board in the cold on the corner. 

So what do I want for Christmas?  Shit, I guess some peace of mind.  Some stressless days.  Some time when I am not worried about my wife and kids.  Not worrying about living check to check.  I also know that I am the only one that can give myself this gift.

I have to make it happen.


Kiss the baby


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Friday, November 23, 2012

Thankful for C4


When I got my balls clipped, I knew that having this last baby would make me see things differently.

I was so Thankful for having three wonderful healthy children and couldn't wait to be a new father again.

C4. What a boy he is.  Im Thankful for him for so many reasons.  One of them is no more diapers. I mean I didn't change any, but Im still Thankful that he is the last one in diapers.

Im Thankful that C4 screams across the house "MAW-MEE" when he wants Mommy.

Im Thankful that he is co-sleeping.  I would not have missed for the world being kicked in the balls by our last child.

He has great hair and looks like his mom.  Im Thankful for him not looking like me.

I never knew a child could eat so much...Im Thankful he loves to clean everyone's plate.

"That's my favorite song" He says when Maroon 5's "One More Night"..Im Thankful he loves music too.

Kiss The Baby

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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thankful for C3


Boy oh boy daughters are so different than sons.  I found that out when C3 came along.

Im Thankful for my only daughter for so many reasons.

Her sweet eyes, those curls that are now straight, that love of music that I have.  Speaking of that, Im Thankful that she thinks I can sing good.

Im Thankful that she is a lot like her mother in the way that you better not mess with her or she will kick your ass. And then she will make sure you don't want more.


Im Thankful she is a little sports star.  She loves playing soccer and keeping up with the boys.

Im Thankful she loves to do Crossfit with her daddy.  That girl is faster and stronger and better each time we get outside and do some kind of workout.

When its time to brush teeth, Im Thankful for the crazy looks she gives me when Im flossing her teeth.  We laugh.

There are those times that I can be a jerk and she is a soft sensitive girl and very emotional and she always keeps me in check when she gets THOSE faces.

Im Thankful those days that I cry when she reaches each milestone and Im Thankful for the moments I see in the future that will come.

And I better not be catching her sneak out that damn window...

Kiss the baby


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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Thankful for C2



Having a boy first was awesome.  I'm Thankful that my second was also a boy. C2.  Man is this kid a tough one.  I am already so Thankful for him that I know by the time I'm like 80 he may be the one changing my old man diapers.  Well I take that back, he may be the one yelling at me to get up and get my ass to the toilet.

So many things come to mind when I think of reasons why I am Thankful for C2.  Most of all I think I am Thankful that he is just like his mother.  I'm Thankful for his strong will never give up attitude.

I'm Thankful that he is a solid thick child, because when he falls asleep and I have to move him its like a Crossfit workout carrying him all over the place.  I'm Thankful that he has his two blankets that he has had ever since he was a baby.  I'm Thankful he knows the words butt, fart and poop cause if he didn't lord only knows what else he would have to say or call his brothers and sister.

I'm Thankful that C2 is the only one out of all the kids that actually builds his lego sets and then keeps them together.  I'm Thankful that he is our child that makes me work everyday to be a better parent.  I'm thankful that C2 is my son that walks across the house almost every night to climb into our bed.

I'm Thankful that he is the one that is like me in the way he will talk so much shit and then come right back and be that sweet sensitive boy.

Most of all I'm Thankful that C2 is his own person.  And I am Thankful that he is our son.

Kiss The Baby

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Monday, November 19, 2012

Thankful for C1



This is Thanksgiving Week so I am going to write some things that I am Thankful for each day this week. Not the typical things but maybe some off the wall things to try and lighten the mood a little.

Oh my. Lets start with C1. What a 9 year old we have on our hands.  I'm Thankful for his humor, his goofy sense of humor that he gets from me.  The one that loves to come in our bedroom a million times each night for water, hugs and kisses and more water.  The one that you think is in bed sleeping but he is really in there reading and drawing.  The one that loves to sit in the bath till the water is cold and then says "Oh you wanted me to use soap?"  I'm thankful for his stories that he loves to tell while he is eating at the table and how he has to get up from the table to finish telling me the story. 

I'm thankful that C1 loves legos.  I'm thankful that he is probably the worlds slowest eater.  We can all be finished, cleaned up and ready for bed and he will still be eating. And I'm cool with that. lol.  I'm thankful he loves green grapes.  I'm thankful he loves to read.  I'm thankful he uses his sleeves as a napkin, saves us money on paper towels.

Being thankful for C1 is easy. My first born is a great kid.  He is a soft sensitive sweet hearted boy that is always thinking of others. He makes me, his mommy and his brothers and sister proud.

Love you C1.

Kiss The Baby

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Friday, November 16, 2012

Being Thankful for Whatever


With Thanksgiving coming up next week it is pretty much a given that we as parents will ask our kids "What are you thankful for?"

Now some parents have the kids that go above and beyond and say they are thankful for so many deep things that really make you think is my kids that smart or older and more sincere than they really are?  Nah, kids are just smarter and more aware of whats going on around them.

My oldest C1 is nine years old. Now while he could really go deep and tell us he is thankful for being homeschooled, or having great parents and having clothes on his back and that kind of stuff...I think having him stay young and innocent and telling us he is thankful for silly things can be just as awesome.

I think I would enjoy it more if the kids would just say what comes to them..

like.....legos, tv shows, milk, and so on.

I would sit and cry and feel so good if my kids got all deep and emotional and had some world changing things that they were thankful for....

..But for now..I just want to laugh and smile and have a good time with them.

We can be deep and emotional later.

Kiss the baby

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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

NO MORE

Ok.  So I have become that sorry excuse for a man that is letting all of the struggles that are hitting me right now be reasons to become something that I cant stand.

AN EXCUSE.  A WASTE.  THE POOR OL ME WHO CANT OR COULDN'T!!!!

Well today is the last day for that shit.

So what.  I work for people that don't care about anything but themselves.  So what if I put 10 years into a place and get the raw end of the deal....Happens everyday to hundreds and thousands and millions of people.  I'm not alone.  Just means I need to change my mind and environment and make it better.

So what if I didn't pass my Crossfit test.  Doesn't mean I don't love the gym and Crossfit.  Just means that I need to get off my ass, stop feeling sorry for myself and get back in the gym and get back to doing what I love to do..working out.  Crossfit Level One will come.  I'm that close and I will get it.

I had to laugh at myself this morning.  Now I have lost a ton of weight.  Dropped from a size 38 to a size 36 in pants, and from a XL to L in shirts but since my sorry ass wanted to be a little wuss and feel sorry for myself and not go to the gym, I have lost some size.  I noticed this morning when I put a shit that USED to show my arms off when they were bigger and now they looked like little twigs. That was enough for me.  I WILL be back in the gym first thing in the morning.  C3 even told me to stop being lazy and get in there.

I have sent out a ton of resumes.  I know something will hit.  I just need to remember that it may not happen overnight.

My biggest thing is that I need to stay positive. POSITIVE.

In other news....staying positive, C2's fall soccer season came to an end on Saturday with back to back defeats in tournament matches.  But it ended on a good note as the team played really well in the second game.  I was actually glad to see them finish well and C2 didn't let anyone score on him in the first quarter.  That was a victory for him in itself.  The kids gave the coach a Ga. Bulldog cooler and the hardest part of that is that a Bulldog cooler sat in my garage for a week. And the coach did a nice gesture and gave the kids a soccer ball.  But sports are over now and time to get back on schedule and get some rest.

So...I am going to kick this current job in its ass and to the curb and find a new one and then I am going to Crossfit my way to a Level One PASS on that test and start teaching others how to become better, faster and stronger and more healthy.

I will no longer be a walking excuse. NO MORE


Kiss The Baby

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Friday, November 9, 2012

Time for a little explanation

Recently I have had a hard time blogging.  The main reason is that I have had mostly negative feeling inside me and not a whole lot of positive going on and while I could write daily about all the bs that is happening to me right now, I'm not!  I was not going to blog everyday about the dysfunction in my life.  No one wants to read that shit.  I am know for being an asshole, but a funny one.  One that brightens a room with my stupid jokes and dirty old man persona.  That is why I have been absent from blogging.

Besides T and the kids, nothing has been right.  My parents and T's mom seem to be all I feel like we have.  I don't feel like I have any close friends that I can trust with anything.  I haven't had a phone call or text from so called friends in I don't know how long. But I'm at the point that I don't give a shit anymore.  I have T, the kids and family and that is good enough.  Well SOME FAMILY...The ones that don't screw you over after you have given them blood, sweat, time and years of hard work. Anyways.

I wrote a semi detailed post the other day about something that happened and for personal and maybe legal reasons, I took it down..but only for the time being.  Trust me, that is all going to come out.

I have been stressing over finding out over a much too prolonged time about my Crossfit Level One Course Test.  It is driving me nuts.  I keep waiting for this email.  I think that may be some of the reason why I have been lacking motivation to get to the gym.  I should be using my hate and anger and disappointment and nervousness to fuel my drive for my fitness but something in me is just out of wack.  Out of balance.  Been like that for a few weeks.  I'm going to use all that I learned and start fresh.

I have put myself and my family in a position that we have never been in before.  We are about to hit a wall of epic struggle for us and I have myself to blame.  I should have seen what was coming and made better choices earlier.  For the first time in my life I am not actually sobbing, quitting and sulking about what I have done to us.  I am actually going to fight and make it work out better for us.  I know that T and I have support from my parents and her mom and that is all the family we need.  Everyone else IN MY OWN OPINION can kiss my ass.

Things are going to change.  Places may change.  Just never know what is going to happen.

No matter what, I made a promise to T that when we got married I would take care of her and now that means the kids too.  I have 5 people to take care of and I will do whatever I have to do make that happen...Whether that's here in Ga. or anywhere else.

Maybe I have some good news coming my way. 


Kiss The Baby

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