Friday, January 4, 2013

Co-Sleeping....%50 Chance of Precipitation

I love writing about funny things that happen as a co-sleeping dad.  I am so in support of co-sleeping but sometimes us dads see things differently than you moms.

So I ask....Co-Sleeping parents, have you ever been sleeping so soundly that nothing could wake you?  Not the construction outside your window, not the alarm, the phone and not even your snoring spouse?

Well there is one thing.  Listen to this....

I love my my wife.  So very much.  I am so attracted to her that if she asked me to I would jump up out of bed and rip my clothes off.  But I have to admit, there is another reason that I would do that too. Its not another woman, we don't have fire ants climbing into our bed, we don't run naked fire drills in our house (although that seems fun for T and I), and we don't play a super fast mad game of how fast can you get undressed....

The other reason is.....Getting Pee'd On!!!!!  Yes. I said getting pee'd on and not in the fun way. Wait, there is no fun way to get pee'd on. Forget that last sentence.  Nothing wakes me up in frozen south more than that warm puddle of pee surrounding the side of my body.  Now I could be laying in bed, skipping the gym from sleeping so good, having a great dream and all of a sudden jump up like a cartoon character out of bed with soaking shorts and or t-shirt.  Screams of shit, damn it, and WTF's fill the late night early morning shadows our of love making pillow top mattress.  So I quickly grab C4 and carry his wet body to the bathroom.  It isn't that easy to get wet underwear off of a three year old.  And at this point trying to get a child to sleep pee and then get dressed again is even harder.

Many things happen when a child happens to pee in the bed. Do what I said above and then you have the stripping.  Stripping of the bed that is. Sheets, bottom sheet, comforter, pillows and if you are not lucky enough to have mattress pads and protectors then you are throwing towels down to keep it all from soaking in.  This is like a military style drill people.  You don't take your time while doing this.  Remember, you have a kid who is half asleep, two tired spouses and a clock staring at you telling you that you have (this) much time left to sleep.

The slight chance of getting pee'd on is why I am a proud member of the "Sleep Pee Club".  I have done this with the other three C's and I do it with C4 now.  Before I go to sleep no matter what time it is, I take C4 to "Sleep Pee".  Sometimes he goes and sometimes he fights it. But its a chance I have to take.

Now don't get me wrong.  I have loved every minute of all four of our kids co-sleeping.  And I might fail a lie detector test, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  Other than the backhands to the face, the feet to my balls, and the headbutts in the middle of the night, co-sleeping is great.

Now I cant really call C4 a C*** blocker, cause trust me folks...I get mine, but I have started to think that C4 is pee'ing on ME on purpose.  He is a mommy hog.  He snuggles next to T and loves to cuddle with her all night.  So I have come to the conclusion that he is doing this to get back at me and to keep me away from her at night.

I love him and will never yell at him for pee'ing in the bed, so all I have to say to C4 is...

Well Played My Little Man....Well Played.

Kiss the Baby



Blogger July 25, 2018 at 9:45 PM   Reply to

I have just installed iStripper, so I can have the hottest virtual strippers strip-tease on my taskbar.

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