Monday, January 7, 2013

Things Parents Need to Master by Age.......

I'm not by any means the smartest man around and I don't claim to know everything but sometimes when I read articles I do wonder who writes this stuff?

I'm reading 20 Things Everyone Should Master by age 40 and my first thought was, how did they pick the age 40?  Why is 40 some magical number?  I'm reading this list and some of these not only did I learn earlier than age 40, but some I learned at a very early age.  What this article did was give the list of 20 things and then get different people from different areas of success to offer their take.

Then I thought, hell most of this could be the same as if it were written about things we need to do as parents.  So I decided to write my take on it from a fathers point of view as 40 year old man who is also a kick ass father. Yes I often plug myself as a great dad.

1. How To Delegate...I learned that a long time ago and now I am perfecting this as a father.  I always tell the kids to go do stuff so I don't have to.  Take this to the garbage, can you pick that up for me?

2. How To Comfort Someone...With Chocolate of course. Or a sucker.  Those always comfort those screaming, crying kids that want more than just a hug.  I mean I hug too, but when that doesn't work..break out a Hershey Kiss.

4. How To Make Conversation At Parties...That is so easy.  Talk about diapers, how your kid pee'd all over you, how much you hate Chuck E Cheese, any of this stuff. Never talk about your wife at a party. That other husband will blab to his wife and then it all comes back around.

5. How To End A Friendship...Well besides taking your sick, runny nose, throwing up kid to someone elses house while you go shop, you can always tell that other parent how their kids isn't as good as your own.  Of just tell them they suck as a parent. That will end that friendship..Yeah.

6. How To Stay In Touch...Email, Text, Blog, Twitter.  As a parent of four kids....There is no such thing as free time.  Well unless you count sitting on the toilet.  Then its the perfect time to text or tweet someone.

10. How To Forgive Yourself...As a parent you have to learn how to do this. As a parent no matter how old you are you are always going to have that moment when you...umm let say..SCREW UP...Just chalk it up and move on and learn...

12. Simple Ways To Look Polished...As a parent that means finding some clean clothes that lay on the floor, spray yourself with some air freshener and brush your teeth with some gum. 

13. How To Let Go Of Anger...Let go of anger. What dumb ass waits till age 40 to figure out that its a great health benefit to hold onto your anger...Beside me?  Being angry only gets you in deeper shit.  When you are angry is another perfect time to pretend you have to go to the bathroom.

16. How To Listen Better...What?  Didn't hear you!  As a man, you better learn this when you say "I Do". As a father you need to learn SELECTIVE LISTENING because some things you just do want to hear.  Like when your child asks you "Daddy, why do you say SHIT all the time?"

18. How To Buy Great Wine...Ok, I think this should be "How To Buy Great Earplugs"

20. How To Have More Fun Having Sex...I think I have this down to a science.  Why else would T be laughing all the time when we are having sex?

19. How To Laugh At Life...I wanted to back track to this one and get semi serious for a minute.  As a boy, I used to laugh a lot. I was the class clown. As a young adult, I laughed at stupid shit I did with the buddies.  As a man, I still laughed at the stupid shit.  Then it hit me.  I became a father and I learned to laugh at the things I have no control over. The things that may seems important but are not so much.  I laugh when one of the kids spills milk and freaks out.  I laugh when the kids say silly shit.  I laugh when the kids cant seem to pee in the toilet and wonder "Aiming Skills".  Kids are great.  If you don't laugh at your kids and what they bring into your life then you have a dead soul.  Just laugh. Have fun.

Kiss The Baby



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