I'M

I'm trying to stay positive.

I really am.

Its harder than expected.

I want to quit and walk out.

I want to say F -You to the ones that Screwed Me in the First Place.

I'm not asking for a pity party.  This is a honest case of getting screwed over by the people you have given time and sweat to.  The people who I have put above so many family functions, so many kids events, so many late nights, early mornings, long hours.

After so many years of being a team player to get shafted.

I'm pissed.  I'm angry.

I'm not even hurt.  F being hurt.

I try to stay positive so T doesn't get pissed at me.  I try to stay upbeat so the kids don't notice how stressed I am.

I have looked.  I have been looking.

Resume was done.

Resume was done again.

Then a friend hooked me up and a Resume was done again.

I'm ready to bolt.  I'm ready to get out of here.  I wish I could just up and leave and move my family and start over again.  Running away. Sure whatever you want to call it.  I hate it here.  I hate myself when I'm here.  I hate everything when I'm here.

Luck.  I could use some.  A break, I will take it.

I'm not trying to be selfish and better my life just for me.  I'm really the last person I'm thinking of in all of this.  I want to be in a better place for T and for the kids.  I know that if I am in a better place, I wont have to worry about the negative feelings.  In my life the only problems, stress, worries I have is from here.  T and the kids deserve better.  They are the ones that deal with me.

How can I have the ability to motivate people on a daily basis but yet I cant pump myself up?  Why can I tell people how awesome they are, yet I cant even believe that about myself?

I'm sick.  I'm so sick about this shit that it really angers me.

I'm tired of stressing.

I'm........?

Kiss The Baby