Thursday, March 7, 2013


I'm trying to stay positive.

I really am.

Its harder than expected.

I want to quit and walk out.

I want to say F -You to the ones that Screwed Me in the First Place.

I'm not asking for a pity party.  This is a honest case of getting screwed over by the people you have given time and sweat to.  The people who I have put above so many family functions, so many kids events, so many late nights, early mornings, long hours.

After so many years of being a team player to get shafted.

I'm pissed.  I'm angry.

I'm not even hurt.  F being hurt.

I try to stay positive so T doesn't get pissed at me.  I try to stay upbeat so the kids don't notice how stressed I am.

I have looked.  I have been looking.

Resume was done.

Resume was done again.

Then a friend hooked me up and a Resume was done again.

I'm ready to bolt.  I'm ready to get out of here.  I wish I could just up and leave and move my family and start over again.  Running away. Sure whatever you want to call it.  I hate it here.  I hate myself when I'm here.  I hate everything when I'm here.

Luck.  I could use some.  A break, I will take it.

I'm not trying to be selfish and better my life just for me.  I'm really the last person I'm thinking of in all of this.  I want to be in a better place for T and for the kids.  I know that if I am in a better place, I wont have to worry about the negative feelings.  In my life the only problems, stress, worries I have is from here.  T and the kids deserve better.  They are the ones that deal with me.

How can I have the ability to motivate people on a daily basis but yet I cant pump myself up?  Why can I tell people how awesome they are, yet I cant even believe that about myself?

I'm sick.  I'm so sick about this shit that it really angers me.

I'm tired of stressing.


Kiss The Baby



Penny March 26, 2013 at 3:01 PM   Reply to

:( Just you wait... good things are coming.

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