I'm trying to stay positive.
I really am.
Its harder than expected.
I want to quit and walk out.
I want to say F -You to the ones that Screwed Me in the First Place.
I'm not asking for a pity party. This is a honest case of getting screwed over by the people you have given time and sweat to. The people who I have put above so many family functions, so many kids events, so many late nights, early mornings, long hours.
After so many years of being a team player to get shafted.
I'm pissed. I'm angry.
I'm not even hurt. F being hurt.
I try to stay positive so T doesn't get pissed at me. I try to stay upbeat so the kids don't notice how stressed I am.
I have looked. I have been looking.
Resume was done.
Resume was done again.
Then a friend hooked me up and a Resume was done again.
I'm ready to bolt. I'm ready to get out of here. I wish I could just up and leave and move my family and start over again. Running away. Sure whatever you want to call it. I hate it here. I hate myself when I'm here. I hate everything when I'm here.
Luck. I could use some. A break, I will take it.
I'm not trying to be selfish and better my life just for me. I'm really the last person I'm thinking of in all of this. I want to be in a better place for T and for the kids. I know that if I am in a better place, I wont have to worry about the negative feelings. In my life the only problems, stress, worries I have is from here. T and the kids deserve better. They are the ones that deal with me.
How can I have the ability to motivate people on a daily basis but yet I cant pump myself up? Why can I tell people how awesome they are, yet I cant even believe that about myself?
I'm sick. I'm so sick about this shit that it really angers me.
I'm tired of stressing.
Kiss The Baby