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Thursday, April 4, 2013

Adventures In Sleep Pee'ing


So.

It is well documented that I have been the one to take the kids to sleep pee before I crash out and go to sleep each night.

In case you have no idea what sleep pee is...

SLEEP PEE: To physically take your son or daughter to pee while he or she is
still in the state of being asleep.

I think its a fair trade off.  I mean considering that out of four kids spanning the course of 9 years, I think I may have changed probably less than twenty diapers.....Screw ya'll. Stop judging.  Ok well, whatever judge all you want, I would judge you.  I don't do diapers.  Or should I say I didn't do diapers.  So, I am the one who does the sleep pee.

Sleep Pee'ing is a good way to avoid any possible accidents that may occur in the child's bed or a parents bed if the child co-sleeps as does our own C4.

Funny things have happened during the years as I have taken each and all of the kids to sleep pee.

Lets see, C1 who is by far the lightest child was never a problem. Except the time when I almost dropped him in the toilet since he was so skinny and light..Whoops.  Was kind of like carrying a bag of rice cakes to the bathroom.

Then there is C2, holy damn. He is the heaviest child. By heavy, I mean 100% solid. Kid is like a boulder.  I almost had to carry him over my shoulder just to get him to the toilet.  That was a CrossFit wod before I even knew what CrossFit was.

When I started taking C3 to sleep pee, it was a whole new world for me. I didn't have to worry about a penis spraying pee at me over the top of the seat.  And she loved to talk as she was pee'ing.  I never knew what she was saying but I always had a good laugh.

Last and not least.  C4.  He is a hard one to take to sleep pee.  He is like carrying a bag filled with sand that I have to hold and do squats with.  And he is a sleep pee fighter.  He likes to push and punch at me while I am holding him.

Well last night T got to witness first hand what happens when I take C4 to sleep pee.  I normally stay in a squat position on the balls of me feet to hold him up.  Last night he decided he wanted to fight back and push and swing his hands at me.  He is doing this at the same time I am trying to keep him from pee'ing all over the place.  Needless to say I fell backwards and T looked at me with a look of "What in the Hell".

Then she asked if that always happens and I had to tell her.

"Honey, It takes a special kind of man to take a kid to sleep pee"

I am the Navy Seal of Sleep Pee'ing


Kiss The Baby



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