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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

I Am The Biggest Loser

*IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ SOME CRAZY GRAPHIC SHIT WITH WAY TO MUCH TMI THEN GO THE HELL TO SOMEONE ELSE"S BLOG TODAY*

You have been warned!

So fella's you all know that feeling you have when you are like 100% sure you are going to get some action from your wife, right?  Ladies, you all know that look your man has when he is thinking he is going to score, right?

Well Sunday afternoon we had just gotten back from the movies and I have to say that T was looking fine as hell and I was giving her a little massage and we were laying on the bed.  "That feels good" she always says when I massage her back and I usually hear "You can get some!".  That's how my ears work.

Fast forward to Sunday night.  Kids sleeping.  T is sitting with me and I am hooking her up with the massage of the year.  I mean I have magic hands.  These hands have been know to make T obey every command that I deal out.  For real.  So we are watching tv and while I massaging her, I am getting sleepy.  I am getting tired and my eyes are dropping.  T goes on over to her side of the bed and I roll over and go to sleep.

What happens next is the fucked up part. For me anyways.

So, being that I am sleeping and have no idea of what is happening, I have NO IDEA what takes place after I go to sleep.  Thankfully for my loving wife who doesn't hide anything from me...

NOW I KNOW!

Besides me snoring I found out that there is like a little damn party going on in my bed that I didn't know about.

There is a little game called UNO, maybe you have heard of it?!!  Well playing UNO on the Ipad has become one of T's favorite things to do when she has some "Her Time".  She hardly gets any of that time, so what's the big deal if she is up till 1 or 2 a.m. playing UNO!



WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?  The big deal is that while I am sleeping and snoring, she is playing UNO and getting gifts from these people she is playing UNO with.  Yeah, she tells me this while I am driving home last night. She mentions that she got some kleenex, some flowers, a teddy bear. What the hell?  I'm laying in bed, she is getting all these little gifts from jackoff's for playing a game.  These other people are spending money to buy tokens to use to give little virtual gifts to my wife.  I really didn't care until she told me some dude gave her a 

That's right a Diamond. Some guy like playing UNO with my wife enough to give her a UNO Diamond.

And I know why.  He UNO avatar is the same as her twitter avatar.

That a damn sexy ass avatar.  Id offer her ass virtual diamonds too. lol

I got to thinking.  Yeah, I know, I do that sometimes hard to believe. 

I could have fought off the tired eyes and stayed awake and got me some...I could have used the magic massage hands to make her putty in my hands and have hours (minutes) of endless love.  We could have put on the Marvin Gaye and had some sexual healing.

But NOOOOOOOOO!  I had to get my sleep, so I could be up at 4:30 a.m. and head to the Box.  No, I needed my beauty sleep.

Then I asked myself, "Who is the biggest loser?"  Is it the people giving my wife online gifts?  Is it the dude giving my wife a cartoon picture of a diamond?  Is the woman that gave T a box of kleenex as a gift the biggest loser?

FUCK NO!

IT'S ME!  I am the biggest loser. ME!  For not staying awake and having sex with my wife. 

I am the weakest link....baaaa bye


Kiss The Baby

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