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Thursday, October 3, 2013

A Way Way TMI Post.

So C1 had to write a story for school.  He chose to write about the time he had a hole in his shorts.  It was very funny and he did a great job but he didn't want me to share it with you all.  I asked and he said no.  No issue.  So what I thought I would write and share MY OWN funny experience and share it.

Years ago while T and I were living in Katy, Tx. we would have lunch together sometimes and we used to go to a spot that was real close to where she worked.  I can't remember the name of the little hole in the wall place but I do remember that they had some damn good chili.  I used to get the chili and have it loaded up with jalapenos and hot sauce and all kinds of goodies.

One day, T and I were having lunch there and of course I had the chili. Afterwards she looks at me and says "Hey, why don't you take one of these blue pills!"  Whoa, wait a minute.  Does my wife want me to take Viagra?  Is she telling me I suck in the sack.  Oh wait, it was a diet pill, a fat cutter, one of those pills that make the fat drip out of you like a leaky sink faucet.

Ok, TMI but this is my blog, my story and it gets better and it is very funny, so suck it up, stop rolling your eyes people and read on....

"One thing" she tells me.  "Whatever you do, do not fart!" She had a serious look in her eyes.

Screw that, I'm a dude.  I'm passing gas if I have to.  So meanwhile I head back to work, which at the time was a Ford Dealership where I actually sold lots of vehicles.  I had happened to have a pretty good sale earlier in the day where a guy came in and bought a nice new Expedition.  Had the tan interior and leather.  Sweet ride.  Well I was walking  back to detail to drive the vehicle back up to the front since the customer was now there, I went ahead and passed some gas.  Ya know, farted.

If ya got past that part you made it and are ok, well for the most part.

I got in the ride and drove it up front. Got out, handed the keys to the gentleman and then all of a sudden he took his fingers and wiped the bottom of the driver seat. (My face froze) He said, detail must have left some leather softener on there, and continued to wipe. (My face still frozen in horror) He got in and drive off as I ran inside to the bathroom.  Now remembering what T had told me, I rushed into a stall and checked my shit.  Literally checked my shit. (Screaming in my head) "I JUST SHIT MYSELF" and "OH MY GOD, IT WENT THROUGH MY BOXER BRIEFS TO MY PANTS"

It was then, that I pulled my pants back up, took my ass out the door and used my lunch break to go home and change own clothes that in fact acted like a cloth diaper. ALL FROM A LITTLE FART. Damn it. I had to call T and tell her.  It was kind of funny.  Gross.  Disgusting.  Funny though.

Moral of the story.  Well there are a few.  Don't for the love of god take any blue pills.  You will either shit yourself or beat yourself silly. (Get it, Beat yourself) hahah.  And always listen to your wife.  If your wife tells you not to fart...just don't fart.

If you made it all the way through that, pat yourself on the back.  Wash your hands and go read something else to clear your brain of my TMI post.


Kiss The Baby
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2 comments:

Chels October 4, 2013 at 12:22 AM   Reply to

Oh, your TMI is child's play compared to what I just posted. ;)

Still totally hilarious.

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