Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Now I NO!

There is a reason why people are not believing me.

I'm sure they are giving me the weird and crazy looks because of this.

People are sending me text messages and emails asking me if I am OK.

A few are mad at me.

All of this from me, a 41 year old man renewing himself like a baby learning how to talk and blurting out a word for the first time.

That word is NO.

For most if not all of my life, I have been a "people-pleaser" and that time is over.  I have given and given and given more and gotten nothing in return.  Now I don't harp on the fact that I have gotten nothing in return for myself personally but now that I have figured this out I see that I was not getting anything to benefit my family.  In fact, I was neglecting my wife and kids and my duties as a husband more and more.

Taking that personal time that I could have been using to dedicate to them was being used for other stuff.  Taking time that I had at other moments and doing things for others that I may have thought benefited me was keeping me from doing what I really needed to be doing.  Doing what I needed to do instead of what I wanted to do.

I was told over and over "You are too nice" and "You need to learn how to tell people NO".  I heard it over and over but I constantly preached ( yeah ha, that word) the "Just believe in what I am trying to do" method.  Well that only gets you so far and where we are now and where we need to be are not the same thing as "Just believe in what I am trying to do".  If that doesn't make sense, well sorry.

NO.  I don't ignore my wife.  I really don't.  T is smarter and wiser than I am and she will never give herself the credit she deserves for being so well rounded.  She is also a hard ass hammer that will smack that nail and make her point in the process.  I wasn't ignoring her when she was beating into me that I need to "Tell people NO" more.  I think I was so numb from all of the beatings and I think she wanted me to learn on my own that by all the "Yes'ing" I was doing, I would fail and fall on my face and learn on my own.  I get it now.

Funny how reading HellaLife's own Jillian Tymchy's article on When To Say No (like a million times) made the point sink in a little more.  Stuck like syrup on the bottle after a few times.

Then it really hit me in the head and heart when I talked to a guy that I really like.  Even before this talk on the phone I liked this guy.  I have met him once and told him on the phone about my experience in meeting him.  Even makes it better and funnier that he was homeschooled.  I'm not going to go into details about what Mike Bledsoe and I talked about but he said things that made sense and lined up with exactly what T has been telling me all this time.  The way he put it too me about what I am doing with certain things just made me open my eyes.  I found out that I am also a lot like one of Mike's loved ones. That made me laugh.  Before that phone call was even over I knew I had to say "NO MORE".

So now that I have the word "NO" in my vocabulary people are all up in arms.  What's funny is that the only people that are mad about me now using the word "NO" are the people that I was doing all this shit for.  The people that always got the "YES".

I have a business partner and her name is T.  I have a job and it is to take care of my family.  Everything else comes after that and if I have no time for it, sorry but you are going to be told "NO".


Kiss The Baby



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