Thursday, November 28, 2013

The Real Things I'm Thankful For

Well this is officially my 41st Thanksgiving and I felt like I would do something a little different.

Instead of posting about things I am Thankful for that are sweet, meaningful and caring......

I thought I would write about some things I am Thankful for from the real side of me.  The asshole, smartass side.

I'm Thankful for having this blog which has brought me so much monetary success.  The riches from this blog have allowed us to live like Royalty. I mean who would have know my writing would lead to the land of the lost.

I'm Thankful for a wife that gives me the goods whenever I want. Really. She rocks my socks.  I'm also Thankful that she never speaks her mind.  What a horrible thing that would be if she was ever to be quiet.  And how she makes fun of the way I make the bed and how my coffee is too weak.  But she does shave my back and lets me take baths that are so much longer then hers.  I'm so Thankful that she loves CrossFit.  I really wish she would stop talking about it all the time.  Shit, I'm the one doing the wod's, why does she always feel the need to talk and tweet about it?

I'm Thankful for a 10yo that laughs non stop when I walk through the house in my underwear.  So glad that he loves when I sing.  I'm also Thankful that I get to ask him a million times every day to do this or that.  Never on the first time.  I love repeating myself so that is awesome.  It is not bad at all that he has absorbed my love of Star Wars.  Now if he could in any way talk about it even more.

I'm Thankful for the 8yo that is never a smartass.  Who doesn't want a kid that has to get the last word.  I'm Thankful that he will be the one calling us later in life cause he has ran his mouth to his wife and she is about to beat his ass. I'm so happy that he has a nose for whatever T is cooking.  Now if he would stop passing gas all the time.

Speaking of passing gas, I'm Thankful for a daughter that has learned how to roll her eyes while she gasses us all out.  And would it ever be great to have a daughter that doesn't wipe toothpaste on the face towel and then drop it on the floor.  I'm Thankful for how she loves to change clothes 500 times a day and then leaves her clothes all over the floor.

How could I not be Thankful for a 4yo that I have to take Sleep Pee every night and morning till he is able to get up and not pee everywhere like an 80 year old man.  I'm so Thankful that he loves to ask questions about how do Wee Wee's get bigger and what do we do with them. Yeah.  I'm so Thankful that while he co-sleeps he at least loves me enough to lay up next to his mother.

I'm Thankful to love a pro football team that is totally sucking ass this year.  I don't mind one bit that the Falcons went 13-3 and almost to the Super Bowl to winning not even a handful of games.  Makes Sundays great.  I'm Thankful for Drew Brees being a little bitch.  I'm Thankful for Cam Newton running the ball. I just wish Ahmad Brooks would grab his neck too.  I'm Thankful the the Buc's suck too. Just wish they sucked worse than us now.

I'm sooo sooo really Thankful for WalMart.  I will be there later today in all of my Duck DieNasty gear standing in line with all of the other overdressed women with too much make up.  The guys who spit in cups and smell like ass.  We will all fight for that one thing.

In all honesty I am really a lucky to have a great wife and four wonderful kids.  I love them all and I always write the honest truth about them in the loving caring way.  Today you got some funny bits and pieces about them and why I love them.  It's for who they are and how we are as a family.  I couldn't go one a single day without all the bullshit and hell they bring.  Make the nights with T and the GOOD loving she gives me better.

Well, hope you enjoyed that.  I need to go sit on the toilet to pee, take a long bath and shave my body.  Gotta get ready for the long day.

Kiss The Baby



Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Gentle Calm After The Storm.

It is nights like last night that make me feel what I am doing with my son is really working.

I know yesterday I talked about how frustrated I was in my dealings with him.  But last night I made it a point to just have a talk with him.  Nothing special, nothing scripted, just a normal nightly talk.

He was already in his bed as he likes to crash out early usually.  I plopped down next to him and we started a conversation by me asking how his day was.  He was telling me about his day and how it went good.  Then I told him about my day and how it was crazy.  "How was your day crazy daddy?"

(In my head, I was thinking this was perfect)....I explained to him how my boss yelled at me for something and how my boss didn't believe what I was telling him and took the customers side of the story over mine.  I explained how even though I didn't agree with what my boss was telling me, I listened and then went back to my desk and sat and let it roll off my back. (I was hoping that he would see that its OK to just walk away and not argue)

Then I asked him, "Do you ever just want the day to end faster when you have a bad day, like just climb in bed go to sleep and then start over again tomorrow?"

He said with a soft tone "YES".  I told him me too.

Then I asked him "When you have good days, don't you wish they lasted longer?"

With the same soft tone, I received a "YES". I again said, Me too.

It was great just chilling in his bed with him and for those brief ten minutes we both had a calming experience that let us both relax and I think we could hear what each other was saying.

So after a long weekend chasing this child and trying to fix his behavior, it was awesome to let it be and just enjoy him.  Love him.  Share and learn with him.  With each day that passes, I learn that this kid is more and more like me, and not just in the crazy ways I talked about yesterday.

As I got up out of his bed "Daddy, will you fix me that bacon, egg, cinnamon toast sandwich for breakfast?"

For sure.

Kiss The Baby



Monday, November 25, 2013

We Will Figure This Out.

I wonder if he will look back one day and think I was the biggest asshole father in the world?  I wonder if he will sit there and think that I was doing what was right?  Will he sit at a table with a wife and talk about what a bad dad he had?  Will he argue with his brothers and sister and say that I didn't like him as much as I liked them?

These thoughts run through my head.  All the time.  I have a son who is a lot of things.  I love the shit out of this boy.  He is funny, strong willed, creative, dead set in his ways, caring, loving and he is a good kid.  He really is a good kid.

With that being said, I am at a loss of how to deal with him sometimes.  We both have tempers.  We both like to have the last word.  We both like to take our frustrations out on things during the rough times.  We hit things like idiots.  We throw things like we are in a throwing contest.  We both stomp off and scream and yell and get nothing accomplished.

He is easily aggravated by things and people at times.  His fuse is short.  Just like me.

This is what kills me inside my heart.  This is what makes me what to cry.  This is where I want to go outside and take out my own frustration and anger.  And I'm not really angry with him, I'm just angry that I cant figure out how to make this better or easier to handle.  I want him to know that while I am trying to teach him how to handle his feelings differently that I too and working on this with him.

The moments come and he is mad.  He yells.  He screams.  He takes it out on his brothers and or sister and then his mom and myself.  The screams then turn to "I don't knows".  The "I don't knows" then turn to tears.  The tears then lead to total shut down.  I am by no means perfect during this.  I raise my voice.  I yell back and that is not cool.  But here recently I have started to try new things with him.

With two of my favorite parenting sites Love and Logic and Empowering Parents I have read and received tips that have helped me and given me better insight on how to handle my son.  I have given efforts to talk calmly to him now.  I have let him calm himself down before I have even talked to him.  I have asked him numerous questions and tried to get him to figure out why he is so angry sometimes.  I know he gets this from me.  That is what I believe.  Now T and I agree that later in life his strong willed, stubborn and failure to let go will lead him and help him be a better person.  He won't let people walk over him.. He won't let people destroy what he wants to accomplish.

But for now, I want him to enjoy life.  I don't want him so upset.  I don't want him to let his feeling stay bottled up either but we have to figure it out.  Saturday I tried something new with him.  We sat and talked and wrote stuff down.  We tried to find out what the problem was.  We came up with

Positive = Positive


Negative = Negative

I tried so much this weekend to understand.  His highs and lows.  I am at a loss with what to do.  I can't give up.  I won't.  I mean that would be such an asshole thing for me to do.  Give up on my son.  No way in hell.  He isn't a quitter and I am not either.  I will find a way to get us to work together.  But man, during the times when this shit is going down..... I just want to punch a tree out of frustration.  T read something to me last night that said you know what you are doing is working when the child at first still responds in that negative manner and has the out burst.

The first thing and hardest thing I am going to get him to recognize is that HE controls his actions.  When he does this foolishness it is HIS fault.  Then I am going to make sure he knows that Positive and Negative Actions lead to Positive and Negative Consequences.

After that if I had not punched my face off and kicked myself in the nuts to death, I will work on the next steps.

I'm not close to being a parenting expert.  Shit, I can hardly figure myself out, but I love this kid and it kills me that those that are most like us can be the hardest to deal with.

Kiss The Baby



Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Look What I Found.

Found this in my drafts way back from 2010.

Funny thing is that it's true.  But where it talks about how I "USED TO BE" and asshole to her, I hope that has changed.  I mean, I know I'm still an asshole, but usually to other people.  I hope I treat my wife OK.  I hope she knows that I love her.  I hope she wakes up happy and goes to bed happy that she is married to me.  I know I aggravate the living shit out of her, but that is who I am.  I am a wanna comedian trapped in the body of a chubby balding man who loves CrossFit.   I just wanted to post this from my drafts.  And, T who was so great at pointing out what an asshole I am at times..

She has gotten so much better at this over time.

I love that woman. 

2010 Post Draft
You know it is amazing that sometimes I can have a conversation with T and she can make a point and show me exactly how much of an asshole I used to be.  We were talking about the great weekend we were having and kind of talking shit to each other in a fun way and she made a comment about how we have been getting along so well since I stopped drinking.  I asked was that the reason we always fought and she said yes and it was because all I did was drink....all the time.



Spanning The Globe.

Last Saturday.

The conversation of Superheros is over.

The day is moving forward.

I then pull C1 into a conversation / question to see what he would say.

I asked him "What is a Hero?"

He looks at me with that look of puzzlement and a blank stare.

Me:  Is a police officer a Hero?
C1:  Yes

Me:  What about a Fireman?
C1:  Yeah

Me:  What about Army people, you know those who protect our Country and save us in times of Wars?
C1:  Well, I call those World Heroes

World Hero's.  I liked that.

Short. Sweet. To the point.

Kiss The Baby



Monday, November 18, 2013

Try This At Home. Ask Your Kids!

Kids are honest when you ask them things out of the blue.

Sometimes too honest.  The great thing about asking kids questions and getting the honest answers is that you can use those moments to teach them valuable lessons that will carry them through life.  Hopefully the lessons taught will be the correct ones.  And sometimes you will find your kids surprising you.

As the kids were eating lunch, I took the opportunity to ask the kids one by one question about Superheroes.  What about Superheroes makes you like them?  That was it.  One question.

C4, liked that they were able to fly, and wore capes while being cool looking.  That is from a four year old.  C3, also liked that they could fly, wore capes but added that they saved people while beating up bad guys.  C2 and C1 would never really give me a concrete answer.  I think the two older boys are more into the Star Wars (Legos) things right now so they were not really that much into talking to me about the Superhero thing.


I asked them one by one to come look at this photo and tell me what they thought of it.

As the kids got to the computer screen and saw this photo all they could do was laugh.  They didn't like this picture too much. WHY?  First words out of the kids mouths was...."Because they are fat", except for C4. He didn't care.  He still thought they were cool looking.  Leave it to the 4yo to know. HA. One of the C's even said "They have girl shoes on!" 

What's weird is that when I asked the kids questions about having friends, what's important to them about the friends they have and who they play with and so on, none of the things they said about this picture came into the conversation.  We went over examples of different friends they have and people they know.  The kids had no idea of what I was even talking about when mentioning how some people are different.  But for some reason they just could not help themselves from laughing at that photo above.  Now is this a case of kids being kids and laughing at something silly looking or a case of kids not accepting what or who is different?

"If the Superheroes could do all of the same things, fly, be strong, save people...would you still like them if they looked like this?" (Photo above)  They said No.  But then when asked "Would you be friends with people that are different than you?" They all said yes without giving it a thought.  I'm glad that they are smart enough and good enough kids to know and understand that everyone is different and that they should not judge people by what they look like but by the actions and way that they are treated.  

But, I was a little taken back at the reactions to the photo.  So it got all of us talking.  It was a good Saturday lesson.  For all of us.  

Then I wondered.  What would little girls think or say about the Disney Princess photo I found? 

Well, C3 doesn't even like a single Princess so she didn't care.  But would little girls still like these characters if they looked like this.  Would parents let the kids watch the Disney movies? I don't know.

Then I thought even more about this and T and I thought, "Do they even put "Overweight" children in tv shows now?  Do they have kids shows that have unhealthy looking children in them?  So many kids watch SOME tv.  Whether it be a cartoon of some sort or the newer Disney shows for the older kids.  Are there any kids on these shows that can show and teach kids about the struggles of being different?  Being overweight, a different race, bullied, unloved, adopted....Any of this.  I guess I may need to start watching more kids shows to find out.

Would kids still play video games if the characters were overweight and or different?  

So, my kids may not like their Superheroes looking differently and my daughter may not give a shit about a Princess,  but I'm glad they don't care what friends, family and playmates look like.  They are more concerned with how they are treated by those friends and playmates. 

I can live with that for now.

Kiss The Baby



Thursday, November 14, 2013

Do I Live Next To Luke Bryan


Every damn night I swear it sounds like we are live and in the front row of a Luke Bryan concert.  My old drunk neighbor ass neighbor loves to play his music loud.  And by loud I mean very loud.  By very loud I mean hearing word for word clearly through the 50 yards of trees.

Don't get me wrong. Luke Bryan may be the ONLY Country music artist I can handle but hearing the shit at midnight through my bedroom walls is a bit much.  Feeling the bass vibrate my bed like a cheap motel room mattress is not how I like to go to sleep.

I have to be up at 4:30 am and the really aggravating part is just the fact that it is a pain in the ass.  Now the dumb ass plays the shit during the day just as loud.  That is annoying too but its the middle of the day, fine. This is the same old man that cursed out T and yelled at the kids and threatened them during the day when they were playing outside.  The same man that I had arguments on the phone with after I "ASKED" him to not even bother with my family anymore.  He avoids us now, we don't give a shit about him.

Our kids play outside on our property and he stays in his house and plays his music.  He is in his own right to play his shit just like our kids are allowed to play outside and make noise.  But after a certain time, come on.  Even without the law getting involved on a WEEKDAY a person should have enough common sense to know better.  I wouldn't have my kids out at midnight playing and screaming and making a ton of noise.  Just like I would let my dog sit out there and bark all night either.  Just not cool.

So, cops got called again last night.  Cops came out again.  Music went away as the cop drove by.  Nothing happened but me talking to an officer in the freezing temps for 15 minutes.  It will happen again.  I'm sure.

Here is what I'm going to do.  I'm going to fucking write Luke Bryan and see if he will once and for all come give this old ass man a live concert in his backyard.  Sounds like he is there anyways.

So to the man who told me he was going to "rip my dick off and fuck me with it" I say this......You are lucky that I am trying to set a positive example for my kids by not fighting.  You already pushed your limits before threatening my wife and kids.  I want to knock on your door and invite you into the street and give your drunk ass the beating you need to sober up and wake the fuck up.  Then I am going to ask you to tell my wife and kids you are sorry....But, that won't happen.

Unless you threaten them again.  Then I will be asking for donations for bail.    Last request to you old man, can you please for the love of god play something else.




Wednesday, November 6, 2013

The Freaks Of 5 A.M.

My phone blasts some Justin Timberlake to wake me at 4:20am.  As I head to the bathroom to pry my eyes open enough to get the contacts in, I think "What in the hell am I doing?".

By the time I get dressed and out the door, I am loaded with a bag of clothes, shoes, speed rope, Pre Workout drinks, Protein drinks, Water and a Banana. I am also armed with a feeling of "I'm kicking ass today and NO one is stopping me.  In the car thinking of nothing but CrossFit, I arrive at a place where only the dedicated, insane, awesome and hard working show up.  CrossFit Boiler Room.

Not even 5 a.m. yet, I walk in the door to see either Coach Stephen or Coach Joe with a dry erase marker  in hand writing what may or may not break us down in the next hour.  The Boiler Room has several daily classes but it takes a special kind of person to get up and at em for a 5 a.m. class. Not just anybody can get their ass up before 5 a.m. and drive somewhere for the fun of it. (And by fun I mean Pain and by Pain I mean Joy)

If I had the choice or ability to attend another class, you know what? I Wouldn't!  Our class is filled with people who push me to be better.  They may not know it or believe it but the men and few women in the class are badass. Coach Stephen knows I like to be yelled at, so he yells at me.  I love that shit. He is my personal Dolvett and Bob Harper.  Coach Joe is my hairy ass motivator.  Doesn't matter how bad I am sucking, he tells me I'm great.

We have some chicks in the 5 a.m. crew that are killers.  Kristen is a tough never quit fighter who refuses to let anyone look at her when she Wod's.....She is strong, so I don't question it. Then there is Mandy.  Mandy is funny, quiet but gets the business done and then out the door before 6 when no one is looking.  We have a new girl Bridgett who has been busting her ass and learning the drill. Still shows up, that's dedication.

Then there are the dudes.  Matt.  Matt is like me. Only younger, stronger and better looking.  He has a dirty mind like I do and that makes for a lot of laughs.  Chris.  Holy shit.  Strong.  That is all I can say about his ass. Strong.  Rickman.  Mike is a beast who is the silent but killer type.  Shows up, warms up, then throws heavy ass weight around.  Bo.  Now Bo to me is one of the funniest mo-fo's there.  This tiny framed man who could wear C1's clothes is the combo of fast and strong.

It was funny the other morning a new guy Justin came in and I was busting his balls and having fun with him and then he didn't show up the next morning. Coach Stephen said it was my fault. LOL. He came in later at 6. But it's nice that people can come in and feel like friends right off the bat.

I can't lift like Rickman, I can't lift like Chris or Matt or Bo.  And I'm fine with that.  It's all about Relative Intensity.  I bust my ass to my level of ass bustiness. I get to my threshold and see if I can get past it every morning.  But while we are doing these Wod's, I am trying to personally catch Bo, Rickman, Chris, Coach Joe, Matt, shit even Kristen and Mandy are always faster than I am.

But someone has to come in last. lol. At least I look good with my colorful socks, shaved legs, and so on.

I love the 5 a.m. crew.  Even when Coach Stephen plays Benny Hill.  I even love it when some of you nasty fools "Drop The Funk"   I mean love the class, not the "dropped funk", who in the hell could love that?

So thank you CrossFit Boiler Room for having that 5 a.m. class.  Thank you 5 a.m. Crew for pushing me and making me want to catch ya'll every morning.  We are a bunch of Crazy Ma-fuggers and it's a pleasure working out with you all.

Kiss The Baby



Monday, November 4, 2013

Grow That Shit Bro - NO SHAVE NOVEMBER

NO Shave November is a month long ban on shaving. The face that is.  The No Shave November is a different and unique way of showing support and raising awareness for Cancer.

What you do is let it Grow and let it show.  Be proud of what you have.  Me, I am losing all of the hair on my head so I am growing my beard.  I always have a beard but no the ZZ Top style.  Normally I have the shorter style beard.  But now, this month I am letting it grow. The reason behind it is that a lot of Cancer patients lose their hair, so No Shave November lets us men grow, embrace and support the battles of Cancer in this way.  And what the group would like for you to do is donate the money that you would normally spend on cuts and shaves to the cause.

Well for me, I shave and cut my balding dome at home by myself.  I'm a clean shaved balding 41 year old man that also shaves his arms, legs, chest and back.  As of now I have a week or so old growth on the face and I will let that grow for the entire month of November trimming only the mustache.  Can't have the muuuu-stache growing over my lip...That is nasty.

Now, if you want to you can also participate in the No Shave November movement by letting that beard grow. Hooking yourself up with a mustache.  Ladies, you can let your legs get shaggy (or even me, since I shave my,

You can also donate and learn how by going here Donation Page, buy you a shirt or something.  You can learn more about the Web based group by going here About No Shave November and read up on the whole deal.

So this is what I am going to do.  Here are a couple photos of me starting the month of November with the beard.

OK. I have a lot of gray and white in that beard.  Damn, I'm getting old.  I have never let my beard grow out for an entire month straight.  A few things can happen here with this. I will look crazy and hairy and I may or may not get that goods from T...I'm just saying.  She is not a fan of the Duck Dynasty style beard growth.

I will post pic's here and there.

Let me know if you are in on this and we can hook it up and keep track.

So......NO SHAVE NOVEMBER is in full effect. 

Kiss The Baby



Friday, November 1, 2013

Candy Fairy 2013

                   Now that Halloween is over, (and it seems like Christmas is tomorrow) I'm happy to say that the four crazy C's (Mike, King Pig, Red Ninja, and Cat) have made it through another agonizing night of god forbid candy collections.  Our neighborhood and a few other houses made it possible for the kids to get bags full of treats.  I did however find out that C2 was leaving tricks in other peoples garages. (Dropping Funk)

So after it was all said and done and this

and this

sat on the kitchen table with kids hovering over it selecting their 10 pieces with the rest going to the Candy Fairy. 

The kids love the idea of the Candy Fairy.  That is the entire reason they wanted to hit more houses last night so that they could better the chances of an awesome swap.  They wondered all night what would the Candy Fairy leave in return for their junk.  Movie tickets, books, Wii games, they think of it all. 

As we go to sleep the bag of candy sit on the table.  All of a sudden.........

A Lego Minifigure sat in front of each kids chair.

C1, he got the Rock Climber.  C2, got the Elf, while C3 and C4 both opened up a Gingerbread Man. 

The dvd of Monster U also sat on the table.  Damn!  All of that?  That sure seems better than a bunch of junk and dye filled hard as shit candy that will be gone in days.

That Candy Fairy sure does rock.

Only question this morning was if the Candy Fairy is a boy or a girl?  

Who cares!  Bet your ass this much, the Candy Fairy works wonders and if you try it, your kids would love it too. 

Kiss The Baby


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