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Monday, November 25, 2013

We Will Figure This Out.

I wonder if he will look back one day and think I was the biggest asshole father in the world?  I wonder if he will sit there and think that I was doing what was right?  Will he sit at a table with a wife and talk about what a bad dad he had?  Will he argue with his brothers and sister and say that I didn't like him as much as I liked them?

These thoughts run through my head.  All the time.  I have a son who is a lot of things.  I love the shit out of this boy.  He is funny, strong willed, creative, dead set in his ways, caring, loving and he is a good kid.  He really is a good kid.

With that being said, I am at a loss of how to deal with him sometimes.  We both have tempers.  We both like to have the last word.  We both like to take our frustrations out on things during the rough times.  We hit things like idiots.  We throw things like we are in a throwing contest.  We both stomp off and scream and yell and get nothing accomplished.

He is easily aggravated by things and people at times.  His fuse is short.  Just like me.

This is what kills me inside my heart.  This is what makes me what to cry.  This is where I want to go outside and take out my own frustration and anger.  And I'm not really angry with him, I'm just angry that I cant figure out how to make this better or easier to handle.  I want him to know that while I am trying to teach him how to handle his feelings differently that I too and working on this with him.

The moments come and he is mad.  He yells.  He screams.  He takes it out on his brothers and or sister and then his mom and myself.  The screams then turn to "I don't knows".  The "I don't knows" then turn to tears.  The tears then lead to total shut down.  I am by no means perfect during this.  I raise my voice.  I yell back and that is not cool.  But here recently I have started to try new things with him.

With two of my favorite parenting sites Love and Logic and Empowering Parents I have read and received tips that have helped me and given me better insight on how to handle my son.  I have given efforts to talk calmly to him now.  I have let him calm himself down before I have even talked to him.  I have asked him numerous questions and tried to get him to figure out why he is so angry sometimes.  I know he gets this from me.  That is what I believe.  Now T and I agree that later in life his strong willed, stubborn and failure to let go will lead him and help him be a better person.  He won't let people walk over him.. He won't let people destroy what he wants to accomplish.

But for now, I want him to enjoy life.  I don't want him so upset.  I don't want him to let his feeling stay bottled up either but we have to figure it out.  Saturday I tried something new with him.  We sat and talked and wrote stuff down.  We tried to find out what the problem was.  We came up with

Positive = Positive

and

Negative = Negative

I tried so much this weekend to understand.  His highs and lows.  I am at a loss with what to do.  I can't give up.  I won't.  I mean that would be such an asshole thing for me to do.  Give up on my son.  No way in hell.  He isn't a quitter and I am not either.  I will find a way to get us to work together.  But man, during the times when this shit is going down..... I just want to punch a tree out of frustration.  T read something to me last night that said you know what you are doing is working when the child at first still responds in that negative manner and has the out burst.

The first thing and hardest thing I am going to get him to recognize is that HE controls his actions.  When he does this foolishness it is HIS fault.  Then I am going to make sure he knows that Positive and Negative Actions lead to Positive and Negative Consequences.

After that if I had not punched my face off and kicked myself in the nuts to death, I will work on the next steps.

I'm not close to being a parenting expert.  Shit, I can hardly figure myself out, but I love this kid and it kills me that those that are most like us can be the hardest to deal with.

Kiss The Baby

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