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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

View From A BackSeat

One accident since we have been married.  That's one accident in 13 years.  And that was a crazy kind of accident and not even a serious one....it was what you would call a minor fender bender.

I'm talking about T.

Now she is the driver of the minivan. I don't drive it, she doesn't like my driving so she drives all the time. No big deal.  I SOMETIMES get a little scared when she drives.  Looks like she is going to run off the road, she drives a minivan that I would swear has a Nascar engine in it and if you are in her way she turns on her monster truck tire switch and prepares to run your ass over.

In a MINIVAN.

So as I sit in the passenger seat I usually grab onto the handle above the door.  And I hold on for dear life and try not to shit my shorts.

Well this weekend I made a big mistake.  John M. came to visit us for the weekend from Ohio.  So instead of taking two cars everywhere I said I would sit in the very back with C2 and C3. I had plenty of room and fit in there with no problem.


Seriously, I was OK sitting in the back. Looking at this in front of me


T driving and John co - piloting. I was worried for him. But apparently I should have been more worried for myself. Because it wasn't long until I was screaming

OH SHIT....WATCH OUT.....OHHHHH SHIT.  WHAT THE ......
(I was sitting in between two kids, I wasn't cursing so shut up you's out there)

IT IS WAY WORSE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

I was scared for my life. T driving in downtown Atlanta, weaving in and out of cars.  Her flying up and down the streets.  Like we were in the movie Speed.  Cant slow down or we will explode.  I was certain that we would take out at least five to ten cars. 

Good news is that we didn't.  We lived.  We got to where we were going and made it back safe.

John loved T's driving probably because he drives like a crazed maniac too.  

So excuse me now. I have to make sure I protect myself from T trying to run me over..

Love ya

Kiss The Baby

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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Busted My Wife After 13 Years Of Marriage

When I say this about T she wont care.  She wont get mad.  She wont get her panties in a wod. No not a CrossFit WOD, I mean all bunched up.  She wont send me nasty text messages or make me sleep on the couch.

T knows nothing about music or the artists.  She doesn't know the songs, the words, who sings what or when a song came out.  She doesn't. She does not care either.  She admits it.  She often wonders how I can know so much about music and cant remember to get milk at the store.  I'm just that great.

But sometimes a person surprises you and hit you with some knowledge when you least expect it. That brings us to the TV show THE VOICE.  We watch that show. We are huge fans and T and I always love to make our comments too.  Well last night as we were watching one of T's favorites came on....


Josiah has been a favorite of T's since the beginning. And he was singing "Clocks" a song by Coldplay.  Well that prompted T to mention that Josiah looked a lot like this guy...

Yes. That is Chris Isaak.  Now what happened at the time she mentioned that Josiah looked like Chris Isaak just about sent me into shock.  Not only did the woman who knows just about nothing about music know the guys name (Chris Isaak) but at the same time she told me the name of the song he sang. "Wicked Game"

What the F**K just happened.  Now I was in pain last night from this damn tooth and I had a pain pill in my system that was making me feel weird, but I couldn't believe my ears when T named that artist and the song.

That NEVER happens. NEVER.


So, does he remind you of that one guy who sang that one song way back when.  Just ask T, she will tell you who you are thinking of.

I bet she has been tricking me all these years.  She really does know music.  She just doesn't like it when I sing to her.

AHHH HA!  Busted!

Kiss The Baby

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Monday, May 20, 2013

What our kids would do for money

Our kids will do anything for money.  

I mean anything.

Its funny too because they all know just how much to ask for.

Well Saturday night we were having some fresh steamed Artichoke and since it's organic and all there just so happened to be a worm in it.

Being that T and the kids are all huge super fans of the show Survivor, T had this great idea to ask

"Who wants to eat the worm?"

(I had immediately left the area)

With me screaming "NASTY, GROSS, SICK" and giving looks to my wife like *What in the hell are you doing* she came back at me with..."The worm is dead!"

Oh, that makes it better..lol

C3 was first and came running into the kitchen proclaiming that she would do it...

For $5. 

C2 then came in and said he would do it for $10.

Now why in the hell would I pay him $10 when she would do it for $5 and hell C4 would probably do it for less than that.

Worm -top of the spoon

Well no one ate it.

I saved some money and didn't throw up.

Never a dull moment in our house.

Kiss The Baby



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Thursday, May 16, 2013

I'm BenoshXF are you?

Writing and CrossFit.

Two things I love and put my heart into.

It's almost too easy to write about something that I love to do.  Writing about CrossFit come naturally.  Writing about the atmosphere, the anticipation of the workout, the personal fear of failing, the feeling of doing more than you could have ever imagined.

One of the things that draw people to CrossFit is the Community.  A group of people that seem to be on standby waiting to help you grow, grow as a beginner who has jumped into the fitness lifestyle or grow into a person that wants to be a better Olympic lifter.  These people also want you to grow as individuals.  Change your habits from eating to even simply believing in yourself and what you are capable of doing.

You can find these people anywhere.  You can find them online.  You can find them in a store.  You can find them at home working out in a garage (like myself) or in a BOX.

I have been lucky enough to become friends with CrossFitter Brent Pendergrass.  Brent like myself is a husband, dad and also a writer.  This past Saturday I had a great phone call with Brent and he and I talked about me becoming a part of the BenoshXF Team as a contributor for the community. We discussed all of the awesome opportunities that might be available in the future and I was excited. I am excited. See BenoshXF is a great site where so much happens.  Whether it be product reviews such as this one on Sportsmith Gymnastic Grips or Box introductions like this one about CrossFit Eclipse and even profiles of all the BenoshXF Athletes like Bob Cole who is part owner of BenoshXF's Home Box Crossfit Bellator.


Of course I told Brent "YES".  I would be an idiot not to jump at the chance to work with BenoshXF on whatever they have planned.  Not to pat myself on the back but while I may not be the ultimate super CrossFit athlete I do consider myself a good writer and I am passionate about CrossFit and putting those two things together can be huge.  I am going to use what I have to help BenoshXF become a place and a name that people mention when they talk about CrossFit and products that are used in the world of fitness. 

Thank You Brent for a shot at doing something wonderful with BenoshXF.

You can find BenoshXF on Twitter @BenoshXF and on FB at BenoshXF 

You can also find Brent Pendergrass on Twitter @TarheelNinja 

Kiss The Baby

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**Benosh Extreme Fitness is not affiliated with CrossFit or MMA, but many of our testers are a part of those communities!
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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

When waiting for someone makes you a dumbass

So..

Your wife and kids are on the run.  Having to be here and having to go there.  It can make for a crazy afternoon, evening and night.

Event runs later than expected and that wife and those kids are hungry.  Very Hungry.  I mean these kids cant go an hour without wanting to eat.

Wife calls husband and says "Want to meet me at the restaurant?".  Husband says "Sure, sounds great. Eating there or taking it home?"  She tells her husband that she will just pick it up and then they can eat at home.

Nice. No problem.  Plan is for the husband to meet the wife and kids and then go home and have dinner.

Husband gets to restaurant.

Husband gets out of car and checks some scores on his phone.  Scrolls through twitter.  Checks some emails, and waits.

Yeah, he waits a bit longer.

Keeps waiting. Looks at his watch and looks around.

*I'm sure people walking by are thinking this dude is creepy by now*

Husband finally texts his wife to ask "Am I suppose to be picking up this food or what?"

Ten minutes later wife responds with "No, I just picked it up!"

She then tells her husband that she was at "Such and such restaurant" located somewhere completely different than where husband was waiting.

It was at that point, maybe 30 minutes later that the husband finally realized that he was somewhere and his wife and kids were getting food from somewhere else.

That husband was such a dumbass.

Damn, I'm such a dumbass.


Kiss The Baby

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Monday, May 13, 2013

My Kids Can Flip You Off

I'm trying to get my own personal home garage CrossFit Box built up more,so Saturday I went to a local tire shop and got a free truck tire.  Not one of the huge tires, but a tire that is going to be used as a pulling sled.  I'm going to cut part of the top out and then attach some bolts on the side and add straps, then pull.

But before I get all that finished the kids wanted to have some fun with it.  FUN?  My idea of fun and their idea of fun (when it comes to this tire) are two different things.  Rolling the tire. Fun for them.

Then I got this idea.  If they want to play with the tire....Let em play, but my way!

Tire Flips.  Let them do tire flips.  So. I got the tire to the yard where it was nice and level and showed them how it was done.  Gave them a short distance and told them I was going to time them. And oh boy, as soon as I said I was going to time them, IT WAS ON!

First we had C1. Weighing in at just a little more than a gallon of milk and measuring up to just about his mom her took his turn.


Next we get the Dude with the Tude. C2. Thick and solid like a tree trunk, he ran his mouth and got to work.


No competition would be complete without C3. She is C3...Nuff said!


Now going last was C4.  This three year old, he gets it done no matter what!


I am not one to push the kids to do what I love to do.  But it is so fun to watch them get involved and at least try to do what I love.  CrossFit.

Next I think I will have them pulling the tire....Stay tuned.

Kiss The Baby


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Friday, May 10, 2013

Teacher Appreciation Week. I recognize my kids teacher.

I have heard so much and have seen so much this week regarding "Teacher Appreciation Week" and to be honest with you I have not seen one mention of Homeschool Teachers.  I have only seen the mentions of brick and mortar school teachers. And that is fine, I have no problem with that.  Teachers have a tough task, a job that doesn't get enough credit...But I wanted to write and tell you about my favorite teacher...


T.  My wife, the 4 C's mom and technically she isn't considered a teacher but she is the one who every weekend who spends time getting three of the four C's school work planned out for the week.  T is the one who spends all the time organizing the materials upstairs and downstairs for the kids.  T is the one who every day gets the kids going and makes sure they are doing the work that is assigned to them and that is waiting in the folders.  

This is not an easy job, homeschooling.  And she is doing three of them while still making sure a 3 year old is not destroying the house.  She is also preparing lunch, dinner and taking care of the household finances.  Not to mention get annoyed by me daily.

There have been less than a handful of times that I have had to stay home and be the kids "teacher" and run the homeschool show. Hell no. I can't do it. I have no clue. 

So to the one that has three kids excelling and learning things and growing more and more educationally every day, I want to thank you.

Thank You for your hard work.


Kiss The Baby

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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Don't Run From Greatness......ChaseGr8Ness247

Picture yourself walking into a CrossFit Box for the first time and having no idea of what to expect.  All you have heard is that this CrossFit thing is a passing fad of lifting weights and and jumping up and down while doing pull ups. Well you walk in the door on a sunny California day and see this.....


Yeah, Id be scared too! But what's great about this is that this guy right here,  Andrew Walker is a gentle giant.  That's my opinion anyways.  After dropping that bar he would be the first one to walk over and introduce himself to you and offer to help and or Coach you.  He would be the guy that would be screaming and throwing down a WOD and then grabbing you by the arm and showing you how to do exactly what he just did.

I know this because last year I posted a video of me doing some movements and he was the first one to take to twitter and coach me up. This dude didn't know me, I wasn't paying him, I was just a guy who posted a YouTube video on twitter and here he was commenting and telling me what I could do to improve.  Wasn't telling me it sucked, wasn't laughing, simply saying "DO THIS 1, 2, 3, and watch how much better you get".


Andrew Walker aka ChaseGr8ness24 on various social media platforms is that one of a kind guy.  This 23 year old who resides in Lodi, California and trains/coaches at CrossFit Lodi is a person that goes above and beyond the normal CrossFit protocols to work on his skills. He is always training hard and competing just so he can be better that next time.  Want to catch him cheating on his training, look for him to be throwing down some pizza.  Other than working with people through CrossFit, making a million people smile before he dies is something he thinks about.  He wants to have that kind of impact on people.

Becoming a husband and a father one day is something that he looks forward to.  "Marriage is forever!" he says and having the thought of having a child in the future is exciting.  "It's so much more than taking care of a kid(s). You're forming another human's life! They will make their own choices but your actions have a big impact!" 

Playing multiple sports like football, baseball and wrestling in high school paved the way for Andrew to play football at Panhandle State University. In the off season before his last year of playing football is when Andrew initially fell in love with CrossFit.  It was the training, intensity and atmosphere that pulled him in and ever since has been involved.  Being that Andrew was a person who had been through the struggles concerning his weight he wanted to be someone who could work with others and show them and coach them on how to beat their own weight issues.  

He also knows that there are going to be times when people want to quit.  For him, that is a no go.  No quitting on him or what he loves to do.  He once wanted to quit wrestling but stuck it out and made it.  Yeah, that very first day of high school wrestling was too much for him. That is what a lot of people probably think about CrossFit too.  He made it and so can you.  


Andrew says his favorite part of CrossFit is how he can be part of a team for the rest of his life.  Saying "You don't have to be elite to be accepted, you just have to give a strong effort and have a positive attitude". That even means he will be smiling if he is doing his least favorite movement Thrusters or his least favorite WOD Mary.  Now you really want to make his day, throw some back squats at him or make him do his favorite WOD DT.  He will be dancing like a little schoolboy.  He will probably even blast his favorite WOD song "Gangsta" by Bun B for you too. 

We are right in the thick of the 2013 CrossFit Games season and Andrew and his CrossFit Lodi team have qualified for the Games Regionals.  And that's just the way he likes it. Competing with CF Lodi "Feels so much more awesome to me right now" he says.

You can tell by his aka name ChaseGr8ness247 that he is all about trying to be the best he can be.  And when asked if he would go easy on his mom or not if they were wod'ing against each other...

"OMG, I would so crush my mama!!!"

Andrew says going against Gabe Subry his first CrossFit Coach for a CrossFit Games podium spot would be so sweet.  Like a dream come true.  Something about student beating the teacher type of thing.



Kiss The Baby

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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

My Wife Loves.............

As T likes to say, well loves to say I am a "Dirty Old Man".  When she says this to me she somehow always seems to get the emphasis on the word OLD.  That's OK. I'm old and I can handle that. I am dirty too, but yesterday wasn't my fault.

See what happened was I was on the phone with T and she blurts out...

"I hate caulk, its all over my hands"

Me, I start laughing.  See. There is only one other word that is so remotely close to the word caulk when said out loud.

So it took a few minutes but I was able to stop laughing and as soon as I did....the jokes started.

Phrases like,

"My wife loves caulk" "Can you handle all that caulk" "Would you like some more caulk"

Oh, I had tons of them...And I could hear the hate in her voice as she said to me

"You think you are really funny...don't you!"

Even a favorite song on mine fit the occasion

"Baby Got Caulk"...She sings "I like big caulk and I cannot lie"  haha

Then it gets better. Well better for me. I get home and T is in the bathroom.  What do I see all over the bathroom?  That's right......Caulk!  Lots of caulk.  I told her that I was home now and would she like some more caulk?

She didn't think I was too funny.

Again T told me this "I hate caulk"  Good thing we already have kids.

But she brings all of these joke on herself.

"It was hard to get out at first" talking about the caulk.

"The caulk was creamy"

LOL.  Oh boy.

The night ended with me asking T if she wanted some caulk before she went to sleep?

Guess how that went?


This would make a nice Mothers Day gift....


Kiss The Baby

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Monday, May 6, 2013

First Time

My wife is in love with what I call two evils.

One is Pinterest and the other is the DIY Network.

She often gets ideas in her head about doing things and that usually means I am caught telling her "SURE HONEY, I CAN DO THAT" when I have no clue.

Well this weekend she decided to take matters into her own hands.  Literally in her own hands.

See, T decided that she wanted to paint our bathroom.


I had no problem with this. I don't paint. She paints. Me = No and Her = Yes

The problem came up later in the evening.

I usually bathe in style.....like this

But with our bathroom out of service for the night, I had to do something that I haven't done in 10 years.  All the years that we have lived in our house I have never taken a bath or shower in the kids bathroom.  I hate even going to the bathroom in there.

T went first.  She didn't say anything to me.


First thing I said to T when I got finished taking a shower in the kids bathroom is..

"I FELT LIKE A DAMN GIANT IN THERE"


I mean the shower felt so small. It was as though I was standing above everything.

And guess who decided to play with the WaterPik?

Yeah, me. Who would have thought that a WaterPik could blast your eye out. 


Kiss The Baby



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